Femininity is a Habit (Get like Bey)

beyonce-and-jay-zThere’s a great song by David Banner entitled “Get Like Me” that popularized the phrase “Stuntin is a Habit”.

People on urbandictionary.com define “stuntin” as: showing off (often in an exaggerating manor) especially with jewelry and other status symbols. Many people on urbandictionary feel like those who do the “stuntin” are often lying. So, it is commonly considered to be a deceitful practice.

Along those same lines, Beyonce (AKA Queen Bey) recently popularized the phrase “I woke up like this” in her song Flawless. Those of us who have followed Beyonce’s rise to stardom are well aware that she definitely DID NOT WAKE UP LIKE THAT!


There are some great lesson to be learned from this:

1. Perfection doesn’t happen by chance. It is cultivated and nurtured. There is a painstaking process involving the dying of an old version and a rebirth into a newer, better version. Even the process of being feminine does not happen by chance. Having an attractive body, clothes, hair and make up; all take lots of work and understanding the right combinations that are appealing to the people you are interested in.

2. The application of the knowledge of a new skill (such as femininity) takes dedication and diligence. Once you realize what men (especially the men you are attracted to) enjoy, practicing the discipline of “keeping yourself up” will take overcoming psychological and physical obstacles to maintenance of this discipline. I am reminded of an old episode of a show I enjoyed in my youth entitled “A Different World”. The first time I heard Beyonce say “I woke up like this”, I had a sneaking suspicion that she was also a fan of the show as a kid. The following scene explains why:

For a woman to do something like she did in the video she had to be very disciplined and committed to maintaining a certain standard of lifestyle with her husband.

3. Lastly (and perhaps most importantly), femininity must be practiced consistently in order to habituate to living that lifestyle. I know many of us enjoy walking around the house with hair looking a mess, farting and burping like drunken sailors and think we’re “being free”, because it’s “cute when a woman can just be herself”. Well, we need to think again!

I have friends who, every time I enter their car they say “excuse the mess”. After a while, you get tired of hearing that. You get to a point where you’re thinking “there IS NO excuse! Clean it the eff up!” My point is that, these friends have gotten into the habit of leaving their car messy and have somewhere in their minds convinced themselves that it’s OK for other people to see that side of them.

mesmerize him

Furthermore, in my years of yo yo dieting, I have been told that when it comes to avoiding a binge, you have to “practice the drill before the actual fire”. That means that you can’t say, “when I feel like binging, I ‘m going to take a walk around the block” when you’ve never taken a walk around the block a day in your life. Such a thing must be something you are already familiar with if it is to be your “go to” life preserver (or else when you need it, you won’t know how to use it, get it?)

So, ladies, rather than saying “I want the man I’m dating to get used to my ugly side before we get married” or “I just want to know that he loves me for who I am”, let’s take on a new mantra like “I’m going to bring my BEST to the table EVERY TIME I’m with my man!”, because he deserves it; and if he doesn’t deserve it, then you should probably go find someone who does.

Author: African Femininity

African Femininity is a first generation American-born Nigerian. That basically means, her parents were immigrants and raised her with a mix of selective cultural values from both traditions. Needless to say, this left her with a very dissonant understanding of what being a “lady” meant. Now, as an un-married 30 year old woman, she is on a mission to delve to the root of being a woman in a world where conflicting cultural values and traditions are leaving many confused and disillusioned. She use the power of the pen to defend a woman’s right to choose her own lifestyle: be it housewife, social climber or being conventionally employed. Check out her Amazon author page for books written by her at http://amazon.com/author/shadowjackson

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  1. I’m not sure if I agree that changing who you are to get what you think you want is the best method. However, I agree that people in our society have gotten sloppy and do not concern themselves with aesthetics as much as it should. It is respectful to not invite people into a dirty car or house or give people food out of a dirty plate or cup. That’s just common decency and has been lost on many people in today’s world.

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