More Texts from the Nice Guy

Photo by Michael Simmons via Flickr

The manosphere has had it with picky American women who, they say, will pass up wholesome nice men in exchange for one-night stands with player alpha male clowns. According to many male writers, Western women are foolishly sacrificing their fleeting youth and beauty for asshole jocks that can give a shit about their well-being. In a lot of ways, the male bloggers are right; many women do actually want the bad boy. Many have seen too many chick films and are unrealistically searching for men who are tall and handsome and successful and driven and funny and romantic and financially stable and thoughtful and….

Photo by Michael Simmons via Flickr
Endless texts from the nice guy. Photo by Michael Simmons via Flickr.

While I agree that many Western women are setting their standards a teensy bit too high, I would like to offer one rationale for the alpha male lust: It is simply easier for a woman to meet and talk to an alpha male. After all, strong and confident men are usually the first to talk to us! Confident men have no qualms about approaching new women and sparking up conversations. I have met alpha males in bookstores, salsa dance clubs, conference rooms, elevators and grocery stores.

They are funny, they are engaging and, best of all, they are fun. When you are speaking to a charmer, you know he is full of shit, but the opportunities at that moment seem to be endless. You think, where will he lead me? As a woman, it feels great to have a guy take the lead. Unlike nice or shy guys, the charmer knows what he wants. He does not ask to kiss you, he just does it. He does not ask if you can go out on a date, he tells you where he will meet you next. And that kind of confidence is so interesting that it is sexy.

So where does that leave me as a woman in her mid-20s (26) who is dating and looking for marriage? I do not have time for players or alphas who just want to have sex. Logically, I must search for a nice guy who is loyal, stable and hopefully attractive. Since I want a man who is open to marriage, this person must also be older than me (mid-thirties) because very few young men in their 20s are looking to get hitched. In sum, I am looking for a nice, stable, loyal older man who wants to have a family.


I guess I am also looking for a unicorn. Nice men are the absolute HARDEST to date. This is because there are two major problems at work:

  1. Feminism. I think nice guys do not want to be too forward or masculine because they are afraid of making women feel uncomfortable or threatened. This is a legitimate fear given the mainstream media’s obsession with rape accusations and sexual harassment claims. Assholes do not seem to care about coming across as misogynists, while nice guys are a bit more emotional and contemplative. A lot of Western women are also argumentative and masculine, their minds corrupted by the utopian promise of equality between the sexes. No man wants to approach a woman who will dismiss their kind acts of chivalry or argue about the representation of women in the media. If I were a man, I would also be terrified to approach a woman who lives in the West.
  2. The pain of silence. This one is a bit complicated to explain. As readers know, I am a strict follower of “The Rules,” the bestselling dating guide. One of the most important rules in the book is to let the man take the lead, therefore I do not approach men (anymore) or ask for their phone numbers or tell them when we should meet for dates. I am trying my best to be feminine and let the man take the lead because I agree that men like to take charge. So, when I see a guy that I like, I give him the eye, I wait for him to ask for my number and I wait for him to ask me out on a date. The only problem? Nice guys take an ETERNITY to do each step! Waiting for the nice guy to take initiative is like pulling teeth.

For instance, when I was 20, I met a really sweet federal worker in D.C. who actually asked me how I would react if “someone like him” asked me for my phone number. And when he said this, he was not joking. In fact, he was very nervous. Being the young vibrant woman that I was, I naturally told him that I was not interested. If that happened today, I would be a lot nicer to him.

If you give out your number to a nice guy, you basically just made a new pen pal. The nice guy will text and text and text―he will write an entire book of text messages, and ask you about every mundane detail of your day. I want to scream: JUST ASK ME OUT ALREADY! But then, if I, as a woman, tell the nice guy that I want to go out on a date, I will come across as bossy or too forward. And there is also a big part of me that actually wants the guy to just be the man and take the lead.

Here’s an actual conversation with a nice guy…that I met three weeks ago:

Nice Guy: Hey How is it going?
Me: It’s going well. How about you?
Nice Guy: I went to see the Will Smith movie. It was really good! Did you see it?
Me: Not not yet, but I would like to.
Nice Guy: It’s his best movie. If I’d known, we could have seen it together. You in town for the holidays?
Me: Yep, for the next few days.
Nice guy: So what do you like to do?

…This tortuous texting conversation continued for THREE goddamn weeks. In fact, I’m still waiting for him to ask me out.

Let’s compare this nice guy to the last alpha man I dated. This man was a tall and handsome software engineer who had just turned down a six-figure salary with Google so that he could negotiate for a higher salary at his contracting firm. When I met him at a work function, he did not ask for my number. Instead, he said “Listen, I want to see you again, but only if you make it worth my while. I don’t have time for boring women. Can you be a fun person for me? Let’s get dinner this week.”

Who the hell would turn a date with a person who said that? Of course I’m fun! I found out on our date that he was a player who had multiple women competing for his attention. He also wanted to move fast, which was not okay with me, so the relationship did not go anywhere. But the date was one for the memory books. Nice restaurant in a nice part of town; great food and great conversation. He was very quick and clever and he made me nervous on our date, which was a cool feeling.

….Pardon the interruption, but I just got a new text from the nice guy.

Nice guy: That trip sounds like so much fun! Sounds like you had a cool vacation. Where else are you planning to travel?

Read next: Why I’m Making Femininity a Priority this Year

Author: Lilac Blue

Lilac Blue is writes about femininity, love and family in a world that has been drastically altered by industrialization, secularism, misandry and misogyny.

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  1. I know what you mean. If I were you, I would just stop responding. He may decide to turn up the heat when he thinks you’re cooling on your interest.

  2. A lot of times when males text for long periods of time, they are trying to figure out where the girl’s head is at (Does she want me?/Does she want a relationship?/Does she want the D?)

  3. I’ve been thee nice guy and gotten no where with these text, waiting for the right moment. Now I just say screw it and be straight up, You want to go out or nawwww. If they take the bait, it’s ON like DONKEY kong!!!!!!!

  4. While that “nice guy” is texting for weeks without asking the lady out, he has something different in mind. In my opinion, I think he actually wants to get to know her before taking the next step or wasting anybody’s time. It’s interesting how a guy can do the right thing by being appropriate and still be deemed “not good enough.” Time for women to make up their minds!! What do you want?? lol

    1. Good points, though when is texting for weeks the right thing? There’s certain things you can only learn about someone from being around them in person. A date takes one hour max, which is probably less time than weeks of texting back and forth.

      1. It’s odd how you are so ready for him to spend money on you. He must not be allowed the option to determine if you are worth his investment, you need a free meal and he needs to hurry up about it?

          1. Are you seriously that retarded? EVERY WOMAN ON EARTH DEMANDS that men pay for everything, I guess you’re to oblivious to notice the dating for dinner scams, the pay me for emotional labor scam, or the not a real man unles..X…Y..Z..Q..R…F…H.. and on an on criteria is met while women offer ??????????????????

            I have yet to have a woman buy me flowers, a vacation package, shoes, jewelry, a ring, designer suits, sports cars, houses, help me move, change a tire, do my laundry, cook me a meal and all of the rest of the garbage I’ve spent money or done for women in my life, and the best part is your all so stuck up you can’t even say…. thank you!

            Must pay… HAHAHAHAHA…Little girl I paid in blood 1000 times over literally, so save you phony sanctimony because it’s not going to work on me.

  5. Here’s another possibility to consider – and one that never seems to be mentioned. How about he really likes you and it’s important to him that when he asks you out you say yes? This is going to make him nervous and tentative. If he just charged in, you could take it as a sign that he wasn’t bothered whether you said yes or no.
    So many women overlook this – that confident guy who had no problem approaching you? It’s because he was working percentages and didn’t care.

  6. If an attractive man shows attention to a woman she is omg, omg, omg!

    If an average man shows attention to a woman he is creepy and rapey.

    As a confident, short, 50K a year guy; If I came up to you and said “we are going out next week” like in your example, you’d call the police and pepper spray me.

    Be honest.

  7. Why does the woman get to sit around twiddling her thumbs, playing the waiting game and going “OMG why doesn’t he ask me out”? Duh. It’s a combination of the nice guy’s general personality(shyness, nerdiness, awkwardness), social conditioning(social cues that women like sensitive men, be her friend, don’t be aggressive), and now stack on top of this the general atmosphere in this post metoo world. This is not commentary on it metoo itself(whether it’s a bad movement or not) but it seems to have left behind an atmosphere of increasingly anti-male hostility. The cocky, cool alpha man this was meant to go after isn’t affected at all. Why should it? He’s still getting laid. It’s the awkward, reserved nice guy who’s going to double down on the social conditioning part, precisely to show that he’s NOT threatening and not like the other men, and especially since how many of us keep reading in feminist magazines that the “nice guy” is a villain, just as bad if not worse than the swaggering alpha. So back to the first part, why doesn’t woman ask the man and do the initiating if she’s interested in him?

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