The Bachelor: Attack of the Insecure

THE BACHELOR

I think ABC executives should just change the name of the show The Bachelor to The Kisser. Why? It’s clear that the star bachelor Ben Higgins fancies kissing because he does a lot of it with the lady contestants! This may be the first season of The Bachelor where I’ve seen a man make out with several women in a short time span. As with every episode, there’s plenty of material for romance and dating junkies to dissect, review, learn and reject. Today, we bring you the hits, misses and red flags from the most recent episode.

What Happened

The episode starts with Higgins going on a private date with one contestant. He kisses her while the others watch from from a hotel room above; one woman cries when she sees Higgins kiss the other woman. Then the bachelor takes his harem of women to Las Vegas, where they have to show off their personal talents to a studio audience. One woman, named Olivia, does not have a talent and decides to wear a skimpy Vegas outfit and jump out of a cake. She goes through great pains to coordinate the cake logistics and put on her revealing outfit, but does not take any time to plan what she will do after she burst out of the cake. Instead, she stands there naked on the stage and kicks her legs haphazardly. It was awkward.

The cast of The Bachelor
The cast of The Bachelor.

Next, Higgins and a lady contestant serve as an ordained minister at a wedding chapel in Vegas for couples who have made the hasty and impulsive decision to get married at a cheesy chapel in Vegas by reality TV show stars (the state of Nevada, by the way, has the highest divorce rate in the U.S.). Higgins asks the lady contestant what’s it is like to an adult virgin and they later kiss passionately.

This season of The Bachelor is unique in that there is a set of twins on the show. How cute—incestuous twins dating and kissing the same guy! Actually, it’s not cute. Things got weird when he went to the twins’s home in Vegas and met their mother, who tried to help Higgins pick which one of her daughter’s that he wanted to continue dating. Weird. He eliminated one twin while she was sitting in her living room.

Learning Lessons

No Role Models: None of the women exhibited exemplary classy behavior this week folks.

Unlady-like Mistakes

Insecurity is not Sexy: Olivia made a fool of herself, then apologized for making a fool of herself. Then she apologized again. Then she cried on camera. Then she apologized again. Then, the next day, she gave Higgins a slice of cheesecake to apologize. If you make a mistake, own up to it, but not that much. She only needed to apologize once. Being too apologetic made her look insecure, weak and fragile. She should have laughed off her mistake, then keep it moving.

Forget About Your Ex-boyfriend: Things got pretty strange with the twins when Higgins went to one of the twins’s room and saw that it was decorated with several pictures of her ex-boyfriend. Always destroy all evidence of your ex-boyfriend. God help you if you’re divorced. Otherwise, your new beau will feel like he is competing with the person you used to date. No one wants to feel second-best, so get rid of all photos and memorabilia from the days your were with your ex-boyfriend.

Learn How to Walk in Heels: When one contestant, named Amber, was eliminated from the show, she took off her heels and walked away from the rose ceremony barefoot. I HATE seeing women who either cannot walk in high heeled shoes or choose to walk down the goddamn street barefoot. A few rules: First, if you cannot walk in high heels gracefully, do not wear heels. Second, if you want to learn how to walk in heels, start with low-heeled shoes first. Finally, choose to wear thick wedge shoes lieu of spiky stilettos, since the wedge shoes will give you more foot support. Learn more about walking in heels with our article “Science Shows: High Heels do not Oppress Women, They Make Us Awesome!”

Read more: Did You Take the Ladies Again Heel Pledge?

Author: Lilac Blue

Lilac Blue is writes about femininity, love and family in a world that has been drastically altered by industrialization, secularism, misandry and misogyny.

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