How to Get Divorced in 10 Easy Steps: “Dear Future Husband” Review

The "Dear Future Husband" music video by Meghan Tanner.
getty image via dailymail.co.uk
getty image via dailymail.co.uk

Have you ever had a song that you hate stuck in your head because the beat was so catchy? And did you hate the song so much that you wanted to bang your head against the wall for it being stuck in there? That’s how I feel about Meghan Trainor’s hit song “Dear Future Husband.” The song’s video currently has over 164 million views on YouTube, which means that people actually like it, and are listening to it over and over again. I have even seeing young teen and pre-teen girls doing covers of the song like in this disturbing video.

The problem with this song is that it is slow poison. It is deception wrapped in a catchy jingle.

Women all over the world are singing this song in preparation for their divorces, and in this article I intend to demonstrate the process called “how to get yourself divorced in 10 easy steps” as demonstrated through the lyrics of Meghan Trainor’s “Dear Future Husband” song.

STEP 1. Be demanding.

“Take me on a date. I deserve it, babe.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

If you want to get yourself divorced, you need to learn the fine art of being demanding and entitled. Be as bratty as possible. Men won’t be able to resist filing divorce papers.

STEP 2. Be bossy.

“And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary.” – Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

Men love to get rid of women who are picky about how affection is shown to them. It’s great for undermining their ego, and making them feel emasculated. A woman can really bust a man’s balls by not acknowledging that every man has his own “love language” and needs space to express himself the way only he can (as all humans do).

STEP 3. Set unrealistic expectations.

“Cuz if you treat me right. I’ll be the perfect wife.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

One of the best way to get your man in the courtroom is to set unrealistic expectation, both for him and for yourself. It’s bad enough when battered women with low self-esteem think they need to be perfect to deserve to be treated right, but when a man feels he needs to meet unclear and unattainable expectations to be loved, he gets butterflies in his stomach just thinking of getting away from you.

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STEP 4. Set low standards for yourself.

“I’ll be the perfect wife. Buying groceries…buying what you need.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

Men love getting rid of annoying women who want credit for doing what they are supposed to do. When you think you’re hot stuff, because of the mundane things you do like washing dishes, cooking a meal and of course “buy-buying groceries,” men get tickled pink with the idea of kicking you to the curb! They don’t want you to put in the effort to actually keep the home together and be an equal partner. Why would they? It might just give them enough sympathy to keep you around, and nobody wants that!

STEP 5. Make excuses.

“You got that 9 to 5. But baby, so do I. So don’t be thinking I’ll be home and baking apple pies. I never learned to cook, but I can write a hook. Sing along with me…” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

If you want your man to go running for the hills, give him every reason in the book why you cannot carry your weight in the relationship. Tell him about how hard it is to be you, while ignoring the problems he might be facing. Make every situation about yourself, and put forth no effort to consider your short-comings as things that may need to be addressed. He’ll practically pee his pants in excitement at the thought of getting rid of you!

STEP 6. Use sex to manipulate him.

“Dear future husband, if you want to get that special lovin, tell me I’m beautiful each and every night…

After every fight, just apologize, and maybe then I’ll let you try and rock my body right…

Open doors for me and you might get some (implies fellatio)…” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

The future divorcee anthem is so on point with this one. Using sex as a weapon is definitely the icing on the cake that sends a man running to a lawyer (or into the arms of another woman). Listen to her, ladies! She definitely has the secret to being a lonely cat lady spelled out here.

STEP 7. Kill compassion. Never compromise, or admit fault.

“After every fight, just apologize…Even if I’m wrong. (Laughs) You know I’m never wrong. Why disagree?” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

No man wants to delete a woman from his life who apologizes for her mistakes and makes him feel special. Why would he? Don’t you think he likes feeling good about himself? Come on, sister! You have to be an obnoxiously power-hungry, prideful woman if you want to die alone.

STEP 8. Be needy.

“Make time for me. Don’t leave me lonely.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

Yes! Or as the young people say, “yaaaassss”! The age old neediness trick gets them every time. You will know it is working when he stops coming home at night, and prefers to spend time with his friends instead of you. Do not get your own life. Bug him into submission to the judge to give you the divorce. It won’t be hard once you have employed this simple trick.

STEP 9. Be as selfish as possible.

“And know we’ll never see your family more than mine.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

His needs are not important when you are trying to get yourself divorced. What you need is the fortitude to stand strong in your demands especially, what Ms. Trainor has suggested here, forcing him to spend more time with people he does not know and sacrifice his desired quality time with the people who raised him. Hat’s off to you, Meghan. You are a role model!

STEP 10. Be in denial and insist he does the same.

“You gotta know how to treat me like a lady. Even when I’m acting crazy, tell me everything’s alright.” –Meghan Trainor, Dear Future Husband

Men hate staying with women who have a good sense of reality. So, stop acting like a lady, but still demand to be treated like one. That’s the only way you’ll get that divorce you so desperately deserve! Behave like a lunatic, and then pretend everything is OK. Do not settle disputes rationally, it doesn’t work. The only thing that will get you your singleness back is utter lunacy. God speed, ladies.

The title of the song should not be “Dear Future Husband”, but “Dear Future Exes.” The hook should be:

 

“Dear Future Exes

Here’s a few phrases you should know

If you want to be someone’s divorcee

Not a wife”

 

Now, although this article was written tongue in cheek, it definitely rings true in my opinion. I think women should take this article very seriously, and moreover, take seriously the type of media you  expose yourself and your daughters to. Many women who grow up listening to things like this end alone and bitter well past their prime and wonder where they went wrong. This is a cautionary tale. Heed it wisely. Men deserve to be treated with the same respect you do.

I have a series that I have been doing on this blog entitled ” Feminine or Not” where I assess whether various pop culture staples targeted to women are actually feminine. I would put Meghan Tanner’s song in the category of Not Feminine. In my opinion, no woman should listen to this song. No woman should sing this song. This song should never have been written. This song needs to die. I will be happy when this song’s 15 minutes of fame are over. Sorry, Ms. Tanner, and dear future musicians, please don’t do this anymore. Thanks.

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Why Meryl Streep Turned Her Back on Feminism

21st Annual SAG Awards at the Shrine Auditorium Featuring: Meryl Streep Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 25 Jan 2015 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com

In a recent interview, Meryl Streep was asked if she was a feminist and was quoted as saying, “I am a humanist. I am for nice, easy balance.” She is not the only high-profile female celebrity distancing herself from the controversial ideology of feminism. Susan Sarandon told The Guardian when asked about her affiliation with feminism, “I think of myself as a humanist, because I think it’s less alienating.” Other celebrities have made similar statements in recent times, and feminist extremists, in true form, have aggressively attacked these women for selling out an ideology that supposedly encourages woman’s right to choose. Apparently that right to choose does not include a right to choose your own opinions.

Meryl Streep dressed as a rock star looks sad
Streep in the 2015 movie Ricki & The Flash which realistically portrays the consequences of a woman who chooses a wild life over her family
Credit: Movieclips Trailers (youtube)

Although, I do not agree with a lot of what the online news source The Frisky says, I do agree with writer Rebecca Brink’s , statements on feminism:

“The feminist internet tends to imply that feminism is just a set of beliefs, not a way of behaving or a set of tactics…But no: Feminism is also a way of behaving, a way of living, and a set of tactics…This is true for any ideology or religion – if you want change, you can’t just have beliefs; the point is that you also act on them. This is why Gandhi fasted and Martin Luther King Jr. engaged in non-violence.”

 

Meryl Streep with Alec Bladwin and Steve Martin in movie it's complicated
Meryl Streep has played in her share of feminist propaganda films such as this 2009’s “It’s Complicated” about a high-powered woman who faces the dilemma of juggling a serious relationship and a secret affair with her ex-husband
photo credit: Universal studios

Feminism is an aggressive, unilateral movement, no matter how their supporters try to spin it. A movement towards what, though? Brink, Streep, Sarandon have all distanced themselves from this movement, because (as Brink points out in her article) modern feminism is full of bullying and power grabbing and most of the time does little if anything to support women who are most in need, such as impoverished or abused women. This includes women in third world countries, as well as homeless women and women in poverty here in America, military widows and orphans. Modern feminism lacks the compassion and substance of great successful movements of the past. Instead, it focuses on increasing unhealthy permissiveness for those who don’t need it, such as middle and upper class white women.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that middle- and upper-class white women have absolutely no problems deserving of sympathy. However, feminists are forgetting the ultimate impact that their policies have on society’s most vulnerable women. How do low-income women benefit from sexual promiscuity, abortions and male-hating rhetoric? If anything, those women are most in need of male support for their security and legacy in the world. There is no benefit to encouraging underprivileged women to reject the men in their lives when they need that dual income to raise children and support themselves and their families. There is not benefit in the sexual liberation of third world women who primarily need to be concerned with the personal health and welfare of themselves and their families. These are the issues of the feminist elite who are controlling the voice of the feminist movement right now. Fortunately, as Sarandon and Streep are displaying, many of these women are beginning to wise up to the consequences of this divisive and hazardous ideology.
Do you identify as a feminist? Why or why not?

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Why You Are Failing At Work-Life Balance

Photo by Mislav Marohnić Flickr

A Balanced Life is a Myth

I went for a two hour walk today. That means that there were a lot of things that did not get done. While I was walking I was listening to an audiobook my sister recommended entitled “The One Thing” by Gary Keller. Although, this book was not written specifically for women (in fact it is very popular in business circles amongst entrepreneurs), I think it has huge implications for womanhood and feminism. The book was simple, straight to the point, and surprisingly common sense. So common sense, in fact, that it was the epitome of the cliché that “common sense is not so common”. It said everything I have always thought, but have never been able to put into words and contained lots of surprisingly practical advice. This best-kept secret of productivity that Mr. Keller spoke about can be summed up into three words “the one thing”.

The One Thing

“The One thing” is a complicated yet simple idea that says (in entirely too simple words) that you can’t have it all. You have to choose. The book debunks myths like “the multi-tasking myth” and “the balanced life” myth, and explains to us that in order to be most effective in life we need to narrow down our focus. This probably sounds terribly limiting, but it’s actually not when you fully understand it. It is actually extremely freeing. In fact, as I listened to the audiobook, I got excited thinking about all the tedious and time-wasting tasks I hope to eliminate from my life to get down to the one thing.

dominos getting progressively larger
credit: the1thing.com

The Domino Effect

One of the first illustrations Keller described in the book was how a single domino can cause a ripple effect that knocks down a slew of other dominoes in succession. He then went on to discuss how a researcher found that a single domino can knock down a domino twice its size and that when the bigger domino does the same to another twice its own size and this pattern repeats, by the 57th domino, we’re knocking down a domino that reaches the moon!
This interesting narrative depicts the power of a small action having large effects. People in business often talk of the Pareto effect which states that 80 percent of all results come from 20 percent of all actions. What Keller is saying with the domino effect is that a person can narrow down their actions to a single action that by doing so it will make all other actions easier or unnecessary.

Why Women Need to Stop Competing With Men

At the end of the day, this has huge implications for women and feminism. Modern feminism pushes women to want to achieve more and more and multi-task and do EVERYTHING men are doing. The problem with this is that when your goal is to out-perform someone whose circumstances are not compatible with your own, you end up not doing what is best for yourself. As I said when I started this article, when you make a choice to do something, other things do not get done.

The One Thing Women Should Do

 

credit: the1thing.com
credit: the1thing.com

After listening to most of the book (I’m about 75 percent done), I have decided to cut a lot of the crazier things out of my life. Crazy goals, that while interesting, are ultimately meaningless to my quality of life; and crazy people, who waste my time and drive me to unproductive and unhealthy activities or just overall want to use me. Over a year ago, I completely stopped watching television, but I think that in order to become even more productive I need to cut out excessive internet activities as well. With all that being cut out, I should have more time for practicing cooking, spending time with family and achieving that one big impactful goal that is most meaningful to me. Keller says that everyone can begin by asking themselves one very important question: What is the one thing you can do right now that will make everything else easier or unnecessary? This question is a great place to start (and the book is a great place to continue), but as you begin to go down this rabbit hole, be prepared to let things go including your ego, pride, sense of entitlement and selfishness. Hopefully, it will lead you to at the end of your life having let go of the one thing most people cringe over: regret.

The fact of the matter is, the more you try to do, the less you get done. If you try to be a superwoman who sweeps up in the board room, your personal relationships will most likely suffer (and vice versa). So, my recommendation is sit down with yourself and figure out the one thing that would make your life meaningful. What is the one thing that will make your toil worth it in the end? Continue asking yourself, “what’s my one thing today?” I really believe that this little change will transform the quality of your entire life.

What’s your one thing?

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The Perfect Weight for Marriage

image of woman's feet standing on scale next to a bouquet of white roses
Venus Williams wears white tennis dress in 2005
In 2005, UK researchers found that Venus Williams had the perfect BMI.

I have struggled with weight for most of my life. In fact, that is the topic of a series of articles that I have been writing about here on Ladies Again. In light of this process, I research weight loss topics online a lot. Recently I found that in 2005 researchers in the United Kingdom published a study that the Body Mass Index (BMI) men find most attractive in women is 20.85. They concluded that at a BMI of 20.85 women were more likely to “find a perfect match”. I found this very significant, because 3 years ago I lost 70 pounds. In researching for the transformation, I did a photo blog about celebrities who are my height and how much they weigh. The purpose of doing so was to get an idea of what I would look like at different weights.

Now with this new revelation, I feel it is important for me to reconsider my criteria for my ideal weight. Back then, I analyzed celebrities that were extreme in their weights as well as celebrities I found beautiful or who were A-list celebrities to develop my sense of what weight looks like. Some of the women I considered were: Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Meghan Fox, Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce. The study identified an example of the perfect body at the time of the study belonged to Venus Williams!mesmerize him

This is significant, because the tennis star and her sister have often gotten a lot of flack from people (especially fellow tennis player Maria Sharapova) who say their bodies are too muscular and not feminine. In fact, BMI is calculated using your weight and height alone, and does not take into account your body fat percentage, which could dramatically change your appearance since muscle weighs more than fat! (So, a person could be heavier, but look leaner if they were more muscular than a person at the same weight whose body had more fat) This is viewed as a major flaw in this method of health measurement and has even been the basis of racial bias claims in health measures.

Scarlett Johansson wearing a pale blouse and black skirt
Scarlett Johansson at 5’3 and 126 pounds has a BMI of 22.3

Using a BMI calculator I determined that at 5’6″ my ideal weight to get married would be 129.2 lbs. With this is mind, I have concluded that the women I analyzed earlier did not have ideal bodies. Surprisingly, even well-sought-after women who grace the covers of men’s magazines, such as Jessica Alba (19.4) and Scarlet Johansson (22.3), do not have ideal bodies according to this study.

As I said before, in 2010, I was going through a process of trying to change the way I thought about my body and food. For this, I started doing research into what celebrities weigh. I did this, because I (and many other young women) had ambitions to look like any of our favorite celebrities. So, I did a google search and came up with this website that revealed the heights and weights of different celebrities. I then, compiled a list of all those who were 5’6″ (like me). The following is the list that resulted in 2010 (figures are subject to change by now, I’m sure!).

Looking back, I now see that many of these women (who later became my role models) had body types that were not very consistent with what the average person even finds attractive. I suppose there are questions we should ask ourselves. Not so much about unrealistic expectations for women, but maybe those of us who are looking to the celebrities for our body inspiration, should consider what our long term goals are, because if it is attracting the perfect mate, science says that these women’s bodies are not ideal for achieving that.

The following list are among the women I once looked up to for weight inspiration. All celebrities are 5’6″ unless otherwise indicated:

Ally-Mcbeal-pinstripe-suit
Calista Flockhart – 97 lbs!!! I think that’s how much she weighed back when she was on Ally McBeal. She may have gained some weight for her new show Brothers and Sisters…
Jennifer Aniston as Rachel from the show "Friends"
Jennifer Aniston – 110 lbs (via usmagazine.com)
LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 11: Actress Kate Hudson arrives at amfAR's Inspiration Gala at Milk Studios on October 11, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jeff Vespa/Getty Images for amfAR)
LOS ANGELES, CA – OCTOBER 11: Actress Kate Hudson (115lbs) arrives at amfAR’s Inspiration Gala at Milk Studios on October 11, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jeff Vespa/Getty Images for amfAR)
Meghan Fox wears an elegant white dress
Meghan Fox – 114 lbs
Penelope Cruz in red lingerie
Penelope Cruz – 109 lbs (via fanpop.com)
Reese Witherspoon in a black and white dress
Reese Witherspoon – 122 (via wikimedia.org)
Gwen Stefani
Gwen Stefani – 115 lbs (via tumblr)
Jennifer Lopez in burgundy bathing suit
Jennifer Lopez – 125 lbs (blacksportsonline.com)

And just for the hell of it…

Model, Kate Moss, wears loose-fitting overalls
Kate Moss – 5’7″ 105 lbs (via coupay.com)
Beyonce in a bathing suit
Beyonce – 5’5″ 130 lbs (condenast.co.uk)
What do you think? Do you feel that celebrities are realistic role models for women trying to lose weight?

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Cosmo Magazine: Feminine or Not?

Kim Kardashian cropped.
Nicki Minaj covers Cosmopolitan magazine.
Sex is mentioned on nearly every issue of Cosmo.

Cosmopolitan magazine is not, in fact, a feminine magazine. The sad thing about this magazine is that it is so far from what its title describes, that it is disgusting. Many of the young, impressionable readers of this magazine are unaware of the actual definition of the word “cosmopolitan,” which is actually synonymous with words like “cultured,” “sophisticated,” “suave,” “urbane” and “glamorous.”

However, today’s question is not about whether or not Cosmo magazine is falsely advertising itself, but whether or not it is a feminine magazine.

Why are we asking this question?

Well, Ladies Again, is a place where we discuss femininity as it relates to women’s issues of the day. Unfortunately, many women today who are looking for womanly advice, turn to things like Cosmo to give them guidance about their issues. In fact, statista.com reveals that Cosmo magazine recently ranked as the number two top selling women’s lifestyle magazine in the UK (second only to Glamour), beating out magazines such as Women & Home and Good Housekeeping.

graphic display of top selling women's magazine shows Cosmopolitan as number two
top selling women’s magazines by statical rank from statista.com

Cosmo‘s own press kit reveals that it’s largest demographic is young women aged 18-24. It is number one among college women, distributed in over 100 countries and most of it’s readers are single, employed, college graduates.

image of graphical representation of cosmopolitan magazine demographic data
Cosmo’s press kit reveals it’s ability to influence young minds

If where we spend our money is truly an indication of our priorities, I believe the state of modern womanhood is in grave danger as a result of the relentless propaganda of filth being promoted as advice to modern women. On its website, Cosmo’s tag line states that it is: “The Women’s Magazine for Fashion, Sex Advice, Dating Tips and Celebrity News.”

This tells us two things worth mentioning here.

#1. It is marketed to women as  a women’s magazine, and

#2. It offers sex tips and dating advice as an authority to women.

There is even a Cosmo Girl magazine which is marketed towards teenage girls. Which gives Cosmo a firmer hold on the female education market, grooming women from a young age to enjoy reading what I generously refer to as smut.

Now, even though the magazine does not make any upfront claims that the advice it gives will get you married or engender you as a feminine creature in anyone’s eyes, but it does seem to be promoted as some form of authority on sex and dating. With this combination of it’s popularity and platform to condition women from a young age, we must ask ourselves, is what it is teaching us really worthy of our devotion?

Is Cosmo’s Sex and Dating Advice Feminine?

First of all, let me start by defining what I mean by feminine.

The dictionary defines feminine as delicate, pretty, ladylike. I, personally, believe these are subjective terms and do not really tell very much to a person interested in understanding femininity. So, I referred to Wikipedia and came up with words like gentleness, empathy and sensitivity. I agree more with those terms. I think that gentleness, empathy and sensitivity comes from the female biological quality of giving birth. We produce children whom we become bonded to emotionally. Our instinct to seek the well-being of others is probably why we are okay with selflessly allowing another human being to share our body with us for nine months. I believe when women lose these qualities, there is a relational imbalance on some level in their lives that is observable to others, even if they do not know her well.

I believe a lot of women these days are very confused as to what feminine actually is, because of media sources like Cosmo magazine. They see pictures of women smiling in articles about having one night stands and forget that the feminine instinct is not to bind oneself meaninglessly to another human being and then discard them. Women become indoctrinated into the Sex and the City mentality these magazine purport and lose sight of the long term emotional and physical consequences of being frivolous with one’s body, mind and soul.

But what am I really talking about? Well, let me give you a few examples.

The following are actual articles from Cosmo‘s website:

  • “Why more couples are having kids before they get married”: This article was actually encouraging women to try to put the baby before the ring. Unfortunately, it’s logic was full of holes and unrealistic; but most of all it definitely goes against the feminine instinct to nurture. What sense does it make for women to aspire to bring children into an unstable environment? Furthermore, is it just me, or would being a single mother make dating that much harder?!
  • “A complete beginners guide to the messy blow job”: This article gives seven tips for women to give something called the “messy blow job.” I don’t need to tell you that this is an unladylike article, in fact, I’ll just let Tip #2. do the talking for me:  “Spit as much as you can and drink a bunch of water if you need to.” Uh…no!
  • How about these two articles: “10 Reasons why your one-night stand was actually a good thing” and “Casual sex can be good for you.” And before you go running to check out the articles, let me just give you two of their reasons why one-night stands can have a positive impact on your life. #1. “You go laaaaaid…” I kid you not. That is an actual reason given by an authority on dating for women as to why a woman should comfortably resort to promiscuity. Then there is #2. “You don’t have to wonder what you two are to each other.” Are these supposed to be perks for women, or sociopaths?!

So, at the end of the day, I don’t think I need to, but still I will reiterate that my assessment is that Cosmo magazine is in fact NOT FEMININE!

It reads like a pervy frat bro magazine written with the male pronouns swapped out for female pronouns.  I am convinced that any woman who still reads that magazine for relationship advice needs a wise older woman who has been happily married for 20 years or more…to slap her upside her head and knock some sense into her!

Do you read Cosmopolitan Magazine? Why or why not?

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Real Men Reveal What Makes Them Commit

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We talk a lot here on Ladies Again about tapping into your femininity to get what you really want out of life as a woman. Recently, I was watching various videos that feature men detailing what attracts them to women and what makes them fall in love. The interesting thing is that many of them were saying the exact same things. One thing that kept popping up was “confidence” and “connection” or “compassion”.

I decided to share some of these videos with our readers to demonstrate what we have been saying. That men are not distressed or intimidated by femininity. What they need is a woman that has embraced her femininity to the point of comfort and confidence in it. That’s when they begin to lean in, and even crave you. Check out the videos below to hear it straight from the men themselves!

How to Seduce a Man – 15 Tips by New Era Pros

What Men Find Beautiful In Women by GuyTellsAll

How to make a man fell cray about you by Bernardo Mendez

How to Be an Adorable Woman – An Insight Into Male Psychology by TopReviews4All

 

How Men Fall In Love (Mat Boggs creator of Cracking The Man Code) by Matthew Boggs

 

~::*Bonus*::~

The Art of Feminine Presence – a quick, easy exercise for you by Rachael Jane Groover

A video about “energy psychology”

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There are Better Ways to Overcome Discrimination

photo credit: i.telegraph.co.uk
photo credit: i.telegraph.co.uk

We say a lot against modern feminism on this blog, and I know there are people who visit this blog and wonder why we are so hard on feminists. Many of these people probably think that feminists have good intentions and that sexism is a huge problem that needs to be addressed and without these feminists it will not be addressed.

This could not be further from the truth. This is literally as far from the truth as you could possibly get. If the truth was a point, that statement would be the farthest point from that point.

First of all, let’s talk about how the modern first world feminists got it wrong?

Those who oppose modern feminism do so because we feel that modern feminism is no longer about empowering women, but emasculating men and seeking personal attention and glory for women. Modern feminism does less for women’s rights as it does not look at the variety of issues that women specifically face in the modern times. Instead it takes uncommon issues like sexual violence perpetrated by random strangers, and unfair wages and blows it out of proportion in order to undermine men. All the while, out shining the REAL victims of sexism in the developing world who are actually actively getting violently raped and trafficked as sex workers, abused by their husbands, mutilated and massacred.

photo credit: dynamicbusiness.com.au
photo credit: dynamicbusiness.com.au

Actually, there are real issues out there with regards to unequal and unfair treatment of women, but feminists cry wolf so much that identifying REAL problems is like finding needles in a haystack of bull crap! One of the biggest issues women face now-a-days are faced by the women who have chosen to pursue roles that were traditional filled by men, especially high level business roles as well as engineering and tech fields. In such cases, there is truly an undeniable “old boys club” to overcome when it comes to navigating the work environment. Generally, this old boys club is NOT VIOLENT and you will not get raped or groped. The worst treatment you might receive is being:

  • ignored
  • not taken seriously
  • talked down to
  • flirted with
  • ostracized

Many of these things are common and an unfortunate, unconscious reaction to newcomers. Other than being flirted with, all of these same reactions are received by anyone who enters a new social environment and does not immediately “fit the mold”. These things suck, but they are not insurmountable odds.

In her book, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, Dr. Joyce Brothers dedicates an entire chapter to this. Note: At no point did the good doctor say that discrimination makes it impossible for a person to achieve what the title of the book promises to teach. In fact, what she says is this:

There is no point in carrying a chip on your shoulder because of discrimination. What will help is to be aware of the problems you face and learn how to handle them.

 

A lot of women (especially feminists) think that if it were more acceptable for women to act like men, or if society accepted that anything men can do women can also do (including perceived sexual liberality, aggressive language and behavior, as well as rudeness), then women would feel and be empowered. However, Dr. Brothers continues:

Even the women who slip easily into the masculine (read: tomboy) work-style have more than their share of problems.

She goes on to say that the root of the problems women face is simply male fear. As I said before, with all newcomers into an established social environment, the founding members of that group will inevitably feel threatened by you. Know this, and be prepared for it. That’s all you can do.

In her chapter about addressing discrimination in the work place, she says the Divide and Conquer strategy is the best way to go about it. Often times discrimination is most prevalent in a pack mindset. However, when you get people alone to deal with them one-on-one, they tend to be more malleable and able to be persuaded. I actually learned this principle when I did door-to-door sales a few years back. We were taught that when trying to sell a product (or idea), it’s much harder to sell to a group of people (like a husband and wife) than to an individual.

Dr. Brothers goes further in this chapter by describing a woman named Candace who was treated poorly as a result of discriminatory practices. She says:

The other brokers would have nothing to do with her. Research memos somehow got “lost” before they reached her desk. Her colleagues “forgot” to tell her about staff meetings. This went on for two months. Then Candace decided to do something about it.

The way Candace applied the Divide and Conquer strategy involved isolating the co-worker that has shown her the most kindness (regardless of his intentions) and offering him flattery and a show of good-will in exchange for a favor. She asked him for advice, because according to Dr. Brothers:

She…knew that his inbred courtesy would make it difficult for him to refuse a direct request for a favor.

Here is the exact method she used:

  1. She bought him lunch and asked for his advice on a fictitious project.
  2. She had tailored the request to her co-worker’s specialty.
  3. She employed the sensitive listening technique which, as Dr. Brothers describes involves:
    • Never letting the conversation drift into a dead end

    • Always helping him to talk more about himself and his interests

  4. At the end of the two hour conversation, she thanked him for his help
  5. And complimented him on his knowledge of the subject
  6. Several days later, she told him his advice worked perfectly
  7. And offered her co-worker a quid pro quo in the form of a strategic business advantage
  8. She proceeded to repeat this same procedure with other co-workers until…

Today she is accepted by her colleagues – and she should be. She does more business than any of them.

In conclusion, discrimination is real. No doubt about that. However, it is a side effect of the human mind. There are some ideas about other people that are just plain wrong (read: lies, rumors and insults) and should rightly be corrected. However, being accepted by a group of people is not guaranteed, nor is it your right; and it definitely won’t be achieved by being pushy, arrogant or changing your nature. It is also not impossible under the right circumstances and it definitely does not happen over night!

Do you have experience overcoming discrimination? Do you think it is possible? Share your story in the comment section below!

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My 4-Hour Body Plan | Eat like Ground Hogs Day

"to eat or not to eat" by daniellehelm via flickr
“to eat or not to eat” by daniellehelm via flickr

I read somewhere a long time ago that the best way to lose weight is to stick to a routine (i.e eat the same things every day).

I’ve heard this same piece of advice over and over again over the years from different successful dieters.

My guess is that keeping a routine creates discipline and consistency.

I have not been applying this piece of advice, but after failing at weight lost for the past 4 months, I have decided that it’s worth a shot.

via fourhourworkweek.com
via fourhourworkweek.com

My sister recently emailed me some blog posts from The 4 Hour Workweek blog, and I have decided to implement these strategies.

I will link to the articles below for your reference.

Here is my plan that has come out of reading these articles:

First of all the rules:

  1. No fruit
  2. No white “starchy” carbs
  3. Drink only water
  4. Eat the same meals every day
  5. Have one “cheat day” where you can eat anything you want.

So, for me my plan is to eat:

B- Eggs, beans and veggies

L- Turkey, beans and veggies

S- nuts and veggies

D- Fish, beans and veggies

 Have you found that variety or monotony was more effective in your weight loss journey? Please share in the comment section below!

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Why is it OK for Men to Sleep Around, but not Women?

kerry grant
Kerry grant image from amybicker.blogspot.com

This is likely to be a very short article, because I think my point can be made clearly with very few words.

One big argument made by and for modern feminism is a supposed “double standard” in regards to sexuality.

Many modern feminism proponents feel that men are given much more leniency with regards to exploring themselves sexually than women are.

While this may be true in some circles, it is not true in all.

As I mention in my profile, I am Nigerian by decent, born and raised in America.

I am surrounded by people with similar backgrounds.

Many of my close relations that have married live socially conservative lifestyles overall.

The same is true for my church community even though it is more culturally diverse.

However, I am just as familiar with people who are still clubbing well into their 30’s (male and female alike).

From what I can tell, those people who have chosen to “sew their wild oats” (whether male or female) are not let off the hook about the nature of their behaviors.

I actually recently had a conversation about this with my 24 year old brother who confirmed:

“even men get (reprimanded) by their ‘boys’ when they are too (promiscuous). Guys say, ‘yo, you need to slow down before you catch something!'”

The fact of the matter is, it’s not healthy and it’s not accepted by anyone to be excessively free with their bodies. At least not universally so.

Barney from "How I met your mother" via corinawrites.com
Barney from “How I met your mother” via corinawrites.com

Furthermore, if you are surrounded by people who are encouraging or enabling you (male or female) to engage in dangerous promiscuous behavior (including one-night stands with strangers), I would question your social judgement, especially if you are having pangs of conscious, regarding your selection of friends.

At the end of the day, the lesson of this article can be summed up in a simple cliche:

“If everyone was jumping off of a bridge, would you want to do that too?”

Do you think there is a double standard between men and women with regards to sexual behavior? Why or why not? Let’s have a discussion in the comment boxes below!

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Weight loss Journey Update | #Positivethinspo

It’s been a while since I have updated this blog with regards to my weight loss/health journey.

I have not been doing well with my weight loss journey.

I am sure these two are correlated (i.e. not blogging and doing poorly).

I don’t know if I have not been blogging, because I have not been doing well or if I have not been doing well, because I have not been keeping up with blogging.

I know a lot of bloggers and vloggers who say that they do best when they are updating their viewers.

What keeps me hopeful, is the knowledge that habits take time to cultivate.

For this reason I will not give up.

I will not give up trying to get into the habit of updating regularly, and I will not give up trying to get into the habit and mindset of fitness.

positive thinspo I shared today
positive thinspo I shared today

If you recall, there was a period of time when I was trying to stay motivated and get into a warrior mindset, by punishing myself when I did not stick to my weight loss commitments as well as rewarding myself when I did.

I tried to get my social media followers involved as well for accountability.

Now, I have decided to add another element to my social media campaign.

#Positivethinspo is a hashtag that I don’t see very often.

I see a lot about #thinspo which is used by the ana/mia crowd (of which I used to be one) who glorify eating disorders and share tips about how to lose weight in unhealthy ways.

I left this self-destructive culture, because many of these people are depressed and often suicidal.

If you are curious about my experience, I wrote a book about it which can be found here —> click here

Now, I am learning to have more positive ideas of body image and learning healthier methods of losing weight, which I will share as much as possible here and on by social media accounts as I go on my weight loss journey.

At the height of my extreme weight loss, I lost about 70 pounds in less than a year (22 pounds of which was lost during an extended water fast that lasted 24 days).

My writing partner (known on Ladies Again as Lilac Blue) is very slender. In fact, in my opinion, her body is comparable to many of the “thinspo” pics the ana/mia community posts and are willing to die for (literally). However, I have watched her eat…(and she eats!) and she definitely does not deprive herself. However, she is aware of and careful about what she consumes.

I know that she has been to a naturopath and been allergy tested due to gluten sensitivity.

And before you conclude that gluten is what you should be giving up, I’ve seen fat people who don’t eat gluten!

Being healthy takes discipline no matter how you slice it!

There is no quick fix or one size fits all solution.

I look forward to sharing more of my journey to good health with you all.

Follow me on twitter @fastinggirl for updates and #positivethinspo tweets!

Love you all!

Are you currently on a fitness journey? If you have one, we would love to know your current routine. It might help motivate someone. Please share in the comment section below!

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