Friends, Ladies Again is shutting down. I want to thank you for subscribing and being with us on this journey for the past 6 years. Ladies Again was designed to be a pro-feminine/Red Pill space for women, and many of the articles gave advice about how to change yourself in order to be more desirable (and totally inauthentic). The website was based on relationship confusion and a desire for order. But then, over time, it became clear that we weren’t happy in our own lives. Some of us sought therapy, which helped.
Now, I write to you as a different person. In the spirit of the theme for Ladies Again, I want to share the wealth with others. For the final article, I want to share major ideas that improved my life:
Relationship Confusion = Unsolved Early Traumas
If you are drawn to relationship blogs or dating books, it is likely that you are confused as to how to find or feel love. We all want love, and it seems some of us have a harder time getting it. But why? If we experienced rejection, abuse, inconsistent love, or abandonment in the past, then we created barriers that make us fearful or hateful of others (i.e., MGTOW), we pick the wrong suitors (i.e., domestic violence relationships), or we sabotage relationships (i.e., refusing to commit or fear of speaking up). Learning how you came to be the way you are is important.
Biblio-therapy Suggestion: “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love” by Amir Levine
Emotional Availability = Our Compass
A therapist taught me how to put my feelings into words. It sounds so simple, but I wasn’t doing it. I was so used to cataloging my thoughts and evaluating pros and cons for everything, that I never stopped to connect with my own feelings and was full of self-doubt, anxiety and confusion. Now I see my emotions as my compass, so there’s no need for relationship guidebooks. Once you feel empathy for yourself, you feel it for others. Once you feel empathy for others, you’re able to experience love. Putting your feelings into words (burning, glowing, aching, weightless, peaceful, heavy, etc.) feels so strange at first but will help you. For instance, on one date, the person was rude to the waiter but nice to me. The old me sought guidance from others about how to proceed. If that happened now, the new me would have connected with my emotions and noticed that I felt hurt and disappointed to see him treat another person so poorly. He made me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to be around someone who made me feel that way. If everyone connected with their emotions in this way, the path would always be clear and there wouldn’t be a need for dating advice columnists or Red Pill forums.
Biblio-therapy Suggestion: “Calling in The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life” by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Our Relationships = Mirrors of Our Self-Esteem
A therapist helped me to see that everyone in our life (even the people who hurt us) are reflections of how we feel about ourselves. If we love ourselves, we attract reliable, stable, and happy people who love us too. It is sad, for instance, that some people repeatedly experience violence in their romantic relationships. I would hope that those victimized people ask themselves, How did these abusers come into my life? Why was I attracted to them? Is it possible that I allow people to treat me poorly because I do not think I’m worthy of love? These are critical questions we should ask ourselves about the relationships that are not making us happy.
Biblio-therapy Suggestion: “Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us” by Ross Rosenberg
My Decisions = My Values
I have a friend who has a habit of asking for advice for everything, including her career, romantic partners, travel, etc. The problem of asking for advice is that everyone has a different set of values that guide their lives. So then, each person will offer different advice, and ultimately leave the advice seeker confused. Once you know yourself and your values, there is no need to seek advice. This concept of knowing yourself, staying true to your values, and feeling okay saying no to others and disappointing them, is related to the concept of Differentiation.
Video Suggestion: https://youtu.be/oZOloroLesg
Good luck to you all!