Cosmo Magazine: Feminine or Not?

Kim Kardashian cropped.
Nicki Minaj covers Cosmopolitan magazine.
Sex is mentioned on nearly every issue of Cosmo.

Cosmopolitan magazine is not, in fact, a feminine magazine. The sad thing about this magazine is that it is so far from what its title describes, that it is disgusting. Many of the young, impressionable readers of this magazine are unaware of the actual definition of the word “cosmopolitan,” which is actually synonymous with words like “cultured,” “sophisticated,” “suave,” “urbane” and “glamorous.”

However, today’s question is not about whether or not Cosmo magazine is falsely advertising itself, but whether or not it is a feminine magazine.

Why are we asking this question?

Well, Ladies Again, is a place where we discuss femininity as it relates to women’s issues of the day. Unfortunately, many women today who are looking for womanly advice, turn to things like Cosmo to give them guidance about their issues. In fact, statista.com reveals that Cosmo magazine recently ranked as the number two top selling women’s lifestyle magazine in the UK (second only to Glamour), beating out magazines such as Women & Home and Good Housekeeping.

graphic display of top selling women's magazine shows Cosmopolitan as number two
top selling women’s magazines by statical rank from statista.com

Cosmo‘s own press kit reveals that it’s largest demographic is young women aged 18-24. It is number one among college women, distributed in over 100 countries and most of it’s readers are single, employed, college graduates.

image of graphical representation of cosmopolitan magazine demographic data
Cosmo’s press kit reveals it’s ability to influence young minds

If where we spend our money is truly an indication of our priorities, I believe the state of modern womanhood is in grave danger as a result of the relentless propaganda of filth being promoted as advice to modern women. On its website, Cosmo’s tag line states that it is: “The Women’s Magazine for Fashion, Sex Advice, Dating Tips and Celebrity News.”

This tells us two things worth mentioning here.

#1. It is marketed to women as  a women’s magazine, and

#2. It offers sex tips and dating advice as an authority to women.

There is even a Cosmo Girl magazine which is marketed towards teenage girls. Which gives Cosmo a firmer hold on the female education market, grooming women from a young age to enjoy reading what I generously refer to as smut.

Now, even though the magazine does not make any upfront claims that the advice it gives will get you married or engender you as a feminine creature in anyone’s eyes, but it does seem to be promoted as some form of authority on sex and dating. With this combination of it’s popularity and platform to condition women from a young age, we must ask ourselves, is what it is teaching us really worthy of our devotion?

Is Cosmo’s Sex and Dating Advice Feminine?

First of all, let me start by defining what I mean by feminine.

The dictionary defines feminine as delicate, pretty, ladylike. I, personally, believe these are subjective terms and do not really tell very much to a person interested in understanding femininity. So, I referred to Wikipedia and came up with words like gentleness, empathy and sensitivity. I agree more with those terms. I think that gentleness, empathy and sensitivity comes from the female biological quality of giving birth. We produce children whom we become bonded to emotionally. Our instinct to seek the well-being of others is probably why we are okay with selflessly allowing another human being to share our body with us for nine months. I believe when women lose these qualities, there is a relational imbalance on some level in their lives that is observable to others, even if they do not know her well.

I believe a lot of women these days are very confused as to what feminine actually is, because of media sources like Cosmo magazine. They see pictures of women smiling in articles about having one night stands and forget that the feminine instinct is not to bind oneself meaninglessly to another human being and then discard them. Women become indoctrinated into the Sex and the City mentality these magazine purport and lose sight of the long term emotional and physical consequences of being frivolous with one’s body, mind and soul.

But what am I really talking about? Well, let me give you a few examples.

The following are actual articles from Cosmo‘s website:

  • “Why more couples are having kids before they get married”: This article was actually encouraging women to try to put the baby before the ring. Unfortunately, it’s logic was full of holes and unrealistic; but most of all it definitely goes against the feminine instinct to nurture. What sense does it make for women to aspire to bring children into an unstable environment? Furthermore, is it just me, or would being a single mother make dating that much harder?!
  • “A complete beginners guide to the messy blow job”: This article gives seven tips for women to give something called the “messy blow job.” I don’t need to tell you that this is an unladylike article, in fact, I’ll just let Tip #2. do the talking for me:  “Spit as much as you can and drink a bunch of water if you need to.” Uh…no!
  • How about these two articles: “10 Reasons why your one-night stand was actually a good thing” and “Casual sex can be good for you.” And before you go running to check out the articles, let me just give you two of their reasons why one-night stands can have a positive impact on your life. #1. “You go laaaaaid…” I kid you not. That is an actual reason given by an authority on dating for women as to why a woman should comfortably resort to promiscuity. Then there is #2. “You don’t have to wonder what you two are to each other.” Are these supposed to be perks for women, or sociopaths?!

So, at the end of the day, I don’t think I need to, but still I will reiterate that my assessment is that Cosmo magazine is in fact NOT FEMININE!

It reads like a pervy frat bro magazine written with the male pronouns swapped out for female pronouns.  I am convinced that any woman who still reads that magazine for relationship advice needs a wise older woman who has been happily married for 20 years or more…to slap her upside her head and knock some sense into her!

Do you read Cosmopolitan Magazine? Why or why not?

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Real Men Reveal What Makes Them Commit

487567247_8c8026afba

We talk a lot here on Ladies Again about tapping into your femininity to get what you really want out of life as a woman. Recently, I was watching various videos that feature men detailing what attracts them to women and what makes them fall in love. The interesting thing is that many of them were saying the exact same things. One thing that kept popping up was “confidence” and “connection” or “compassion”.

I decided to share some of these videos with our readers to demonstrate what we have been saying. That men are not distressed or intimidated by femininity. What they need is a woman that has embraced her femininity to the point of comfort and confidence in it. That’s when they begin to lean in, and even crave you. Check out the videos below to hear it straight from the men themselves!

How to Seduce a Man – 15 Tips by New Era Pros

What Men Find Beautiful In Women by GuyTellsAll

How to make a man fell cray about you by Bernardo Mendez

How to Be an Adorable Woman – An Insight Into Male Psychology by TopReviews4All

 

How Men Fall In Love (Mat Boggs creator of Cracking The Man Code) by Matthew Boggs

 

~::*Bonus*::~

The Art of Feminine Presence – a quick, easy exercise for you by Rachael Jane Groover

A video about “energy psychology”

Read Next: Why is it OK for Men to Sleep Around, but not Women?

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Four Major Issues Men Face

Teamster strike

I can’t help but feel that many so-called experts are wrong when they say that men are poor communicators…The problem today is that society is not listening to what men have to say if they do open up, at the same time, the risks for men in talking about these politically charged issues keep them silent, making it hard to glean the truth.” – Helen Smith author of Men on Strike

Helen Smith
Helen Smith

In her controversial book Men on Strike, psychologist (and female author) Helen Smith explores the anti-male challenges today’s men face in nearly every facet of the lives, thanks in part to the rise of misandristic policies created and supported by feminists. In the book, Smith argues that men are opting out of excelling in school, marrying, and starting their own families because society has devalued the number of incentives men used to enjoy for being responsible figures to their families and communities. Men now face an environment where they are vilified on college campus, punished harshly in family court and mocked ruthlessly as bumbling fools in film and television.

Book Takeaways

Smith argues that men face a number of major issues that are often overlooked by the mainstream (read: feminist-controlled) media and political sphere:

Lack of reproductive rights

In the United States, men do not have basic reproductive or paternity rights, and are often held responsible to contribute to child support for children who are not their biologically offspring (i.e., paternity fraud). During divorce proceedings, many divorce courts do not take account the wife’s infidelity. More than one million American men face what’s called paternity discrepancy, a phenomenon where men are unknowingly caring for children who were fathered by other men. When it comes to child support, men are more likely to be awarded support and more likely to pay more: According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2011, 32 percent of custodial fathers didn’t receive the child support that had been awarded to them, compared with 25.1 percent of custodial mothers. In 2011, America’s custodial fathers were owed a total of $1.7 billion and custodial mothers were owed $12.1 billion (…though single mothers outnumber single fathers 9 to 1).

Ostracization in schools

Males are failing school at an alarming rate. Boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school. Many experts say that the very nature of the schooling system is anti-male: Boys are likely to get into more trouble than girls because of their higher activity level. Physical activity is low in school because they spend too much time sitting and not enough time learning by doing, making and building things. “The culture of schools, especially for young children, is much more feminine than masculine,” said Joseph Tobin, professor of Early Childhood Education at Arizona State University and author of Good Guys Don’t Wear Hats. “There are almost no male early childhood educators. Many teachers of young children find boys’ interests in violence, gross things, and bodily functions to be boring or stupid.”

At the college level, women outnumber men in higher education with 56 percent of bachelor’s degrees and 55 percent of graduate degrees going to women. Men are often targeted on college campuses in unfair ways—men’s only groups are frowned upon and males must endure sexual harassment lectures and workshops where they are made to feel like predators. Title IX has drastically changed colleges by requiring schools with relatively few males to have fewer male teams.

Diminishing due process

If you follow the mainstream media, it appears sexual assault incidents have increased on college campuses. The truth is that colleges (pdf) have changed the way that they categorize rape to include all incidents where women engaged in sex while intoxicated (err…because only men can be held responsible when they are drunk?). College campuses are swiftly prosecuted sexual harassment claims so that they can continue to receive federal funding under Title IX of the Civil Rights Act, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. In 2011, Russlynn Ali, assistant secretary for Civil Rights at the Department of Education, circulated a Dear Colleague letter requesting that schools curtail due process rights of men accused of sexual harassment.

Lack of male spaces

As more women become students and join male-dominated industries, men have fewer and fewer places to bond with other men. Discrimination laws have essentially banned fraternal lodges, male-only clubs, boxing gyms and private male restaurants. Even within the home, men are often subjected to carving out their own personal spaces (i.e., man caves) free from their spouses and children. Garages, attics and basements have become designated spaces for men.

Book Downsides

First there were too many generalizations in the book. Much of the text included blog comments and informal responses from male speakers. I would have preferred that Smith include much more scientific research in the book to substantiate her claims that men are unfairly targeted by society. For example, we all know that men are asked to pay exorbitant amounts of child support every month, so it would have been nice if Smith include studies about child support payments in the U.S. To be fair, Smith mentioned in her book introduction that more research is needed on the subject of male discrimination.

Second, I disagreed with Smith on a number of points, the first being that men are subjected to unfair reproductive policies. The varying nature of reproductive rights between men and women can be explained by the differences in our biology. Women must bear the physical ramifications, risks and consequences for giving birth and having children, which explains why women enjoy more reproductive rights and privileges. It should be a woman’s choice if she chooses to have an abortion. That being said, I agree with Smith than men are unfairly held responsible for children once they are born—a woman can choose to give a child up for adoption without the father’s consent, while men do not have the same option.

I have a personal bone to pick with Smith’s recommendation that men make it a habit to test all of their children to establish paternity. Let’s not forget that not all paternity tests are accurate! In fact, paternity test results are notoriously unreliable, and blindly trusting those tests can have lifelong devastating consequences (see here). In my own family, an incorrect paternity test gave one of my relatives an excuse to walk out on his daughter nearly thirty years ago—how might everyone’s lives been impacted differently if a second “quality control” paternity test was taken?

Finally, Smith recommends that men move in with their girlfriends before they get married to test the relationship. We at Ladies Again know that that is a terrible idea—couples who live together before an engagement are more likely to experience poorer communication, lower levels of commitment to the relationship, and greater marital instability down the road. Multiple studies have shown that those who live with their partners before an engagement are less dedicated before, and even after, marriage.

Read next: There are Better Ways to Overcome Discrimination

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There are Better Ways to Overcome Discrimination

photo credit: i.telegraph.co.uk
photo credit: i.telegraph.co.uk

We say a lot against modern feminism on this blog, and I know there are people who visit this blog and wonder why we are so hard on feminists. Many of these people probably think that feminists have good intentions and that sexism is a huge problem that needs to be addressed and without these feminists it will not be addressed.

This could not be further from the truth. This is literally as far from the truth as you could possibly get. If the truth was a point, that statement would be the farthest point from that point.

First of all, let’s talk about how the modern first world feminists got it wrong?

Those who oppose modern feminism do so because we feel that modern feminism is no longer about empowering women, but emasculating men and seeking personal attention and glory for women. Modern feminism does less for women’s rights as it does not look at the variety of issues that women specifically face in the modern times. Instead it takes uncommon issues like sexual violence perpetrated by random strangers, and unfair wages and blows it out of proportion in order to undermine men. All the while, out shining the REAL victims of sexism in the developing world who are actually actively getting violently raped and trafficked as sex workers, abused by their husbands, mutilated and massacred.

photo credit: dynamicbusiness.com.au
photo credit: dynamicbusiness.com.au

Actually, there are real issues out there with regards to unequal and unfair treatment of women, but feminists cry wolf so much that identifying REAL problems is like finding needles in a haystack of bull crap! One of the biggest issues women face now-a-days are faced by the women who have chosen to pursue roles that were traditional filled by men, especially high level business roles as well as engineering and tech fields. In such cases, there is truly an undeniable “old boys club” to overcome when it comes to navigating the work environment. Generally, this old boys club is NOT VIOLENT and you will not get raped or groped. The worst treatment you might receive is being:

  • ignored
  • not taken seriously
  • talked down to
  • flirted with
  • ostracized

Many of these things are common and an unfortunate, unconscious reaction to newcomers. Other than being flirted with, all of these same reactions are received by anyone who enters a new social environment and does not immediately “fit the mold”. These things suck, but they are not insurmountable odds.

In her book, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, Dr. Joyce Brothers dedicates an entire chapter to this. Note: At no point did the good doctor say that discrimination makes it impossible for a person to achieve what the title of the book promises to teach. In fact, what she says is this:

There is no point in carrying a chip on your shoulder because of discrimination. What will help is to be aware of the problems you face and learn how to handle them.

 

A lot of women (especially feminists) think that if it were more acceptable for women to act like men, or if society accepted that anything men can do women can also do (including perceived sexual liberality, aggressive language and behavior, as well as rudeness), then women would feel and be empowered. However, Dr. Brothers continues:

Even the women who slip easily into the masculine (read: tomboy) work-style have more than their share of problems.

She goes on to say that the root of the problems women face is simply male fear. As I said before, with all newcomers into an established social environment, the founding members of that group will inevitably feel threatened by you. Know this, and be prepared for it. That’s all you can do.

In her chapter about addressing discrimination in the work place, she says the Divide and Conquer strategy is the best way to go about it. Often times discrimination is most prevalent in a pack mindset. However, when you get people alone to deal with them one-on-one, they tend to be more malleable and able to be persuaded. I actually learned this principle when I did door-to-door sales a few years back. We were taught that when trying to sell a product (or idea), it’s much harder to sell to a group of people (like a husband and wife) than to an individual.

Dr. Brothers goes further in this chapter by describing a woman named Candace who was treated poorly as a result of discriminatory practices. She says:

The other brokers would have nothing to do with her. Research memos somehow got “lost” before they reached her desk. Her colleagues “forgot” to tell her about staff meetings. This went on for two months. Then Candace decided to do something about it.

The way Candace applied the Divide and Conquer strategy involved isolating the co-worker that has shown her the most kindness (regardless of his intentions) and offering him flattery and a show of good-will in exchange for a favor. She asked him for advice, because according to Dr. Brothers:

She…knew that his inbred courtesy would make it difficult for him to refuse a direct request for a favor.

Here is the exact method she used:

  1. She bought him lunch and asked for his advice on a fictitious project.
  2. She had tailored the request to her co-worker’s specialty.
  3. She employed the sensitive listening technique which, as Dr. Brothers describes involves:
    • Never letting the conversation drift into a dead end

    • Always helping him to talk more about himself and his interests

  4. At the end of the two hour conversation, she thanked him for his help
  5. And complimented him on his knowledge of the subject
  6. Several days later, she told him his advice worked perfectly
  7. And offered her co-worker a quid pro quo in the form of a strategic business advantage
  8. She proceeded to repeat this same procedure with other co-workers until…

Today she is accepted by her colleagues – and she should be. She does more business than any of them.

In conclusion, discrimination is real. No doubt about that. However, it is a side effect of the human mind. There are some ideas about other people that are just plain wrong (read: lies, rumors and insults) and should rightly be corrected. However, being accepted by a group of people is not guaranteed, nor is it your right; and it definitely won’t be achieved by being pushy, arrogant or changing your nature. It is also not impossible under the right circumstances and it definitely does not happen over night!

Do you have experience overcoming discrimination? Do you think it is possible? Share your story in the comment section below!

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Why is it OK for Men to Sleep Around, but not Women?

kerry grant
Kerry grant image from amybicker.blogspot.com

This is likely to be a very short article, because I think my point can be made clearly with very few words.

One big argument made by and for modern feminism is a supposed “double standard” in regards to sexuality.

Many modern feminism proponents feel that men are given much more leniency with regards to exploring themselves sexually than women are.

While this may be true in some circles, it is not true in all.

As I mention in my profile, I am Nigerian by decent, born and raised in America.

I am surrounded by people with similar backgrounds.

Many of my close relations that have married live socially conservative lifestyles overall.

The same is true for my church community even though it is more culturally diverse.

However, I am just as familiar with people who are still clubbing well into their 30’s (male and female alike).

From what I can tell, those people who have chosen to “sew their wild oats” (whether male or female) are not let off the hook about the nature of their behaviors.

I actually recently had a conversation about this with my 24 year old brother who confirmed:

“even men get (reprimanded) by their ‘boys’ when they are too (promiscuous). Guys say, ‘yo, you need to slow down before you catch something!'”

The fact of the matter is, it’s not healthy and it’s not accepted by anyone to be excessively free with their bodies. At least not universally so.

Barney from "How I met your mother" via corinawrites.com
Barney from “How I met your mother” via corinawrites.com

Furthermore, if you are surrounded by people who are encouraging or enabling you (male or female) to engage in dangerous promiscuous behavior (including one-night stands with strangers), I would question your social judgement, especially if you are having pangs of conscious, regarding your selection of friends.

At the end of the day, the lesson of this article can be summed up in a simple cliche:

“If everyone was jumping off of a bridge, would you want to do that too?”

Do you think there is a double standard between men and women with regards to sexual behavior? Why or why not? Let’s have a discussion in the comment boxes below!

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3 Big Lies About the Job of a Stay-at-Home Mom

Photo by Sean Dreilinge via Flickr

toronto-bra-burning_1979It’s funny how we are all asked as children what we want to be when we grow up. Rarely do you expect to hear a 5 year old spouting “I want to be a ‘stay-at-home mom’.” In fact, now-a-days, in most circles, a child who gets it into her head that this is a viable career option, will likely get an earful about how women can do “anything” they put their minds to, and she should “dream big.”

Somehow, being a stay-at-home mother stopped being a viable career option after the first American women burned their bras, it seems. Interestingly, just like that seemingly wasteful and aggressive act towards a support system failed to consider the consequences to those who were in need of it, failing to recognize the benefits of mothers who choose the “home life,” has put an entire generation at risk.

With this article, I hope to address some of the rumors and lies that are being perpetrated about stay-at-home motherhood. Although, I am not a stay-at-home mother, some of my friends are and these points are made from observation. So, here I present the lies that are being perpetrated against stay-at-home mothers.

  1. Stay-at-home mothers “set women back.” This lie comes from the idea that to be a stay-at-home mother negates all that the women’s liberation movement fought for. The problem with this way of thinking which I have mentioned in other articles is that it goes from one extreme to another extreme that is just as dangerous. The point I made int he article linked above is that not all women desire or should be required to be employed in positions comparable to those of men. Some do, and that liberty should not be kept from them. However, we should not deny a woman the right and freedom to do what she, by biological design, may feel driven to (i.e. care for her young). This is not setting women back, when children grow up in a love, support and nurturing environment, because at least one parent is not absent.
  2.  woman-home-decorating-inspiration-ideas-1Stay at home mothers don’t do work. I’m probably not saying here what you think I’m going to say. There are a lot of people who usually say “Oh! Stay at home mothering is a full time job too!” But they say so in a patronizing way. That is to say, “Scooping poop sucks too, and I wouldn’t trade places with you for the world!” In actuality, the sentiment raised by me in pointing out this lie is not the same as the patronizing one I called out. The work, stay-at-home mothers do, which I will discuss more in the next point is so much more than cooking, cleaning, shopping and feeding her family. Many stay at home mothers balance the family checkbooks, design home improvement projects and do a lot of other extremely fulfilling tasks that improve the quality of their family’s life to far reaching levels.
  3. The only work stay-at-home moms do is take care of children. I have touched on this point a little in the previous point. Further, a lot of stay-at-home mothers also have full-time jobs which they do out of the home. Being without a source of income is just not an option for most women in today’s world. For a lot of women, even if the husband makes such a sizable income that she is not required to remain employed, she may still choose to be employed as a means to let out some of that natural energy that all humans possess. Fortunately, now-a-days, employment does not necessarily mean, putting on a pant suit, taking long commutes and punching a clock in some faceless corporation. Many stay-at-home mothers, now-a-days start home businesses. The awesome thing about it is that with the internet being what it is, stay-at-home moms have more options than ever before to make money at home in many creative ways!

If you want more information about how to make the leap into the freedom of working from home through an online income, follow this link to sign up for a special report!

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Why Modern Women are Miserable

Photo by Mark Nye via Flickr

In a way, the situation women wake up in today is more dire than the one of thirty years ago…Despite sweeping government programs, tens of billions of dollars in social spending, and massive social upheaval in the name of sexual equality, you have to glance through a newspaper or switch on the news to be subject to a litany of gloomy statistics about today’s women: We are more likely to be divorced or never married at all than women of previous generations.We are more likely to bear children out of wedlock. We are more likely to be junkies or drunks or to die in poverty. We are more likely to have an abortion or catch a sexually-transmitted disease. If we are mothers, even of infants and very small children, we are more likely to work at full-time jobs and still shoulder the bulk of housework as well.

Photo by Nathan Rupert via Flickr
Photo by Nathan Rupert via Flickr

Conservative commentator Danielle Crittenden made those observations more than 15 years ago in her book “What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman,” and every word expressed in the book rings as true then as it does now. In the book, Crittenden takes feminists to task, arguing that their aggressive push for complete equality in workplaces, bedrooms, marriages and the military has caused women to ignore critical gender differences between men and women that have shaped societal norms and rules for hundreds years. Radical feminist policies have created societies where women have more rights in the workplace, the voting booth and the bedroom, but have fewer opportunities to have children, faithful relationships with men and stable marriages.

WhatOurMothers book.What is unfortunate is that the book, which was published in 1999, can still be considered a fair and accurate critique of the dating and workplace issues women are struggling with now. If anything, relationships between men and women have downgraded further, which is evident with the growing popularity of the pick-up artist subculture that encourages men to have one-night stands with women and the explosion of anti-male sentiments that have led feminists to defend women who lied about being raped (see “Columbia Mattress Girl” and “UVA Liar”).

Crittenden argues that the unhappiness women experience today is the inevitable result of feminist ideologies that encourage young women to have sex indiscriminately with men (even though most women actually want committed relationships), teach women to think of marital dependency as oppressive and constricting (even though a great marriage must consist of two people fully committed to the relationship, not just two independent people living together) and tell women to reject full-time motherhood (even though full-time care is best for young children).

Trying to lead identical lives as men has made women miserable—particularly women who did not realize that they needed to spend their younger and fertile years wisely planning for marriage, and children. And Crittenden is right that gender differences need to be contemplated more—women are fertile for a significantly shorter time than men, women want to spend more time with their children and women age differently (i.e., a successful man is marriage material at any age, while a successful older women is not as desirable).

“What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us” changed my life by introducing me to traditional and conservative viewpoints on dating, marriage and childrearing. The book is my Red Pill. Before I read the text, I knew that I didn’t want to end up like some of my stressed out office colleagues, who worked long hours and frequently put their jobs before their own children. I also knew that I wanted nothing to do with the hookup culture of having casual sex with strangers—I knew that I wanted commitment. This book helped me to better understand the reasoning behind many of the fears and anxieties I felt about dating, marriage, divorce, aging and work. I highly recommend the book for anyone who wants to learn more about why the current dating market is not working.

Best Takeaways

  • “If young, attractive women offer no-strings-attached sex, then men will have no pressing reason to tie themselves down. This might be of little concern to a woman who is not yet ready to settle down, but sooner or later it will become of urgent concern.” (“What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us,” 43)
  • “All the sexual bravado a girl may possess evaporates the first time a boy she truly cares for makes it clear that he has no further use for her after his own body has been satisfied. No amount of feminist posturing, no amount of reassurances that she doesn’t need a guy like that anyway, can protect her from the pain and humiliation of those awful moments after he’s gone, when she’s alone and feeling not sexually empowered but discarded. It doesn’t take most women long to figure out that sexual liberty is not the same thing as sexual equality.” (31)
  • “If previous generations of women were raised to believe that they could only realize themselves within the roles of wife and mother, now the opposite is thought true: It’s only outside these roles that we are able to realize our full potential and worth as human beings…How often have you watched a TV show or seen a movie or read a novel in which a woman is celebrated for finding the courage “to be herself” by leaving a marriage or starting a new career or telling a boorish husband he’ll have to make his own dinner from now own? Her actions are not seen as selfish—or when they are, her selfishness is seen as payback for all the centuries of women’s selflessness and sacrifice to men.” (60-62)
  • “Elaborate rituals that used to govern relations between the sexes were based on the understanding that women, as child bearers, required the protection of society against men who might recklessly use and abandon them.” (42)
  • What a woman is aware of, at around the age of twenty-six or twenty-seven, is a growing, inchoate dissatisfaction, a yearning for more, even if her life is already quite full…She starts noticing the mothers all around her—especially young, attractive mothers—pushing strollers down the street, cooing at their babies in supermarkets, and loading up their shopping carts…Alas, it is usually at precisely this moment—when a single woman looks up from her work and realizes she’s ready to take on family life—that men make themselves most absent. This is when the cruelty of her singleness really sets in, when she becomes aware of the fine print in the unwritten bargain she has cut with the opposite sex. Men will outlast her. Men, particularly successful men, will be attractive and virile into their fifties. (66-67).
  • If we are not willing to do much for our husbands, we can hardly expect them to be willing to do much for us…The long-term surrender of their freedom, the unshrinking shouldering of the financial burdens of a family—the sacrifices they used to make in exchange for a woman’s agreement to run the home—are sacrifices fewer men are willing to make. Women have gained the right to move into all spheres of society; men, from their point of view, have only lost their right to domestic comfort. (94)
  • By encouraging men and women to strive for this sort of precise equality within marriage, we have left women and their children much more vulnerable to the whims of their husbands than ever before. The protections the law once afforded to women who made economic sacrifices for their families no longer exist. They were abolished when we rewrote the divorce law in the name of sexual equality. (98)
  • It will be even tougher for a woman to take time out from her job to stay home with her kids if, before giving birth, she’s been especially adamant about the fairness and equality of her marriage. Asking her husband to shoulder the whole burden of being the breadwinner will not necessarily strike him as “fair” or “equal.” (100)
  • This loss of faith in marriage explains why my generation may be so zealous about making sure their marriages are so equal: A modern couple’s desire to keep their arrangement strictly balanced, at all levels, is actually a way of protecting each partner’s self-interest in the event that the marriage dissolves. (104)
  • Of course, no woman should cease to be loved simply because she is old. But a society that refuses to acknowledge that age touches women very differently from the way it touches men—a society that shrugs as good enough marriages are dissolved after twenty or thirty years—is a society condemning millions of women to loneliness.” (153).
  • It may not be so ironic then, that the happiest memoirs among the elders of the women’s movement are by those who led the most conventionally female lives…Betty Friedan takes enormous pleasure in watching her own children become parents and in being a grandmother…Meanwhile, Gloria Steinem, alone in her fifties, devotes herself to writing a book about finding self-esteem. (160)

Downsides

Crittenden writes much of the book in a broad narrative style that includes many generalizations about women. Though, as a young woman who is in her twenties, I know much of Crittenden’s observations to be true, it would be nice if she included statistical data to back up many of her claims. For example, when talking about working mothers, she writes, “Yet whether you work because you want to or because you have to, the outcome for women is the same—the nagging, underlying worry that what you are doing is hurting those you love most.” It would have been nice in that instance to read about findings from a study on the guilt or anxiety working mothers may feel.

Overall Opinion

The book sparked my interest in the Red Pill/manosphere subculture because it encouraged me to accept my own womanly inclinations. It’s why I can now recite 20 facts about sex and dating that feminists don’t want you to know. I stopped ignoring and dismissing my desire to get married and have children, and I stopped putting my career on such a high pedestal. I highly recommend the book and I plan to give copies to young women in my family and social circle.

Now, I encourage others to do their part to build and support feminine, family-oriented women. What are you doing to help teach young ladies about traditional family values? Start working to change the tide today by sharing helpful information with impressionable women:

Read next: How to Avoid Being Accidently Childless

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Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable”: Feminine or Not?

Beyonce

beyonce mean muggingBeyonce is arguably one of the most powerful names in music right now. Her eclectic sound and feminist message hypnotizes many women into feeling a strong sense of liberation and community.

However, her message can often come across as confusing as well. You may find her singing lyrics such as:

“Let me cater to you…do anything for my man…” -Destiny’s Child, Cater 2 U

or “Nothing’s perfect, but it’s worth it…” – Beyonce, Love on Top

This sounds like the voice of a loyal, dedicated woman, right? Then, the next song from her is a raging feminist manifesto about how much she doesn’t need a man. Consider these lyrics:

“The rocks I’m rockin’, I bought ’em, cuz I depend on me!” -Destiny’s Child, Independent Woman

and “This goes out to all my girls
That’s in the club rocking the latest
Who will buy it for themselves and get more money later” -Beyonce, Run the World (Girls)

The confusing messages don’t stop there, because when we consider the song Bills Bills Bills, which contain lyrics such as:

“Can you pay my bills…I don’t think you do. So, you and me are through!”

Grammatical errors aside, her musical personality often comes across as that of a sufferer of borderline personality disorder.

This issue poses a challenge for women who look to her as the voice of feminine sensibility or worse, men who refer to her when trying to understand the female mind. For this reason, I have chosen one of her songs for consideration in a new series I am creating here for Ladies Again entitled “Feminine or Not?”

beyonce irreplaceableIn this series, I will take a pop culture concept or reference and break it down for readers in terms of its alignment with femininity or lack thereof.

Today, I will be analyzing Beyonce’s hit song “Irreplaceable”.

From the very beginning of the song it rejects femininity and leans towards the arrogance of modern feminism as we find Beyonce aggressively ejecting her inadequate romantic partner from the scene with a battle cry:

“To the left! To the left!

Everything you own in a box to the left!”

The song goes on and on about everything she has done for this man and how undeserving he is of her pity. Now, granted, she is a jilted lover, but it is interesting to note that everything she holds against him has a monetary value.

“…that’s my stuff…

…I bought it….

…It’s my name that’s on that Jag(uar)…”

This is an important point, because it says something about the character of this woman which will become increasingly evident as we continue through the song. Spoiler alert: She has a CREAM culture mentality and this has led her to believe that her financial success absolves her of any social accountability. Consider these lines:

“I can have another you in a minute…

…So don’t…(think) you’re irreplaceable…”

She clearly sees people as commodities similar to the objects she withholds to manipulate this man, i.e. disposable and acquirable through financial leverage.

And before you begin to sympathize with her, because she was cheated on:

“Call up that chick and see if she’s home!

Oops! I bet you thought that I didn’t know!

What did you think I was putting you out for?!”

Consider the lines that soon follow this revelation:

“You was untrue

Rollin’ around in the car that I bought you!

Baby, drop them keys!

Hurry up before your taxi leaves!”

Beyonce-angryI am willing to bet that this man’s infidelity resulted from being so emasculated by her manipulation and power tripping, that he had to sleep around just to remind himself that he still had balls! She sounds like she’s talking to her house help in this song and not a romantic partner!

So, to answer the question posed by this article. This song is:

NOT FEMININE!

Femininity supports your significant other with love and compassion, regardless of his financial situation and does not use one’s advantage as a tool of manipulation, but rather patiently encourages the best out of her partner. For an example of this, consider the song “Your Love is My Love” by Whitney Houston with lyrics such as:

“If I lose my fame and fortune
And I’m homeless on the street
And I’m sleepin’ in Grand Central Station
It’s okay if you’re sleepin’ with me

As the years they pass us by
We stay young through each other’s eyes
And no matter how old we get
It’s okay as long as I got you babe”

Those are the words of a woman with eternity in mind. Those are the words of a woman that knows that we are all in this together. Those are the words of a lady!

Do you like Beyonce’s song “Irreplaceable”? Please tell us why or why not in the comment section below!

Read Next: Feminist Lies | The Myth of Gender Equality and the Working Woman

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True Christians are Real Ladies

What Jesus taught me about becoming a Lady Again

Photo credit: DSC_9191 via photopin
Photo credit: DSC_9191 via photopin

In the last year or so, I have become a part of a church community that heavily promotes Bible reading and prayer. This is significant, because I have been to many churches that do not intentionally encourage it’s members to engage in these fundamental practices of Christianity.

Similarly noteworthy is the fact that the church consists of a predominant (and immediately observable) young adult population. I mean, you walk into this church and you think “am I on a college campus?!” These are all young professional men and women, reading Bibles and committing to “The Lord’s work”.

Since I started to attend this church I have seen more women become engaged, or begin committed romantic relationships on the path to marriage, than I have experienced in any other circle of friends I have had in my life (except on facebook, but in those cases the word “friends” is loosely defined and I have over 1000 of them). That being said, many of these relationships seem quite happy and fulfilled.

Additionally, I have attended several sermons and/or workshops where the focus is “commitment” or “love”, or some other important factor of effectual relationships. I realized quickly from observing the women (and men) at this church, that I (and most of us) are doing things wrong, and that’s why we’re so unhappy with our lives.

Many Christian values promoted in the church, are things I have thought about or was told, but never implemented into the way I do things. I think the difference is that these are “old school” values that many people have rejected as irrelevant or oppressive, but which promote the effective application of many of the creature comforts our society most cherishes including:

  • committed relationships
  • financial stability
  • peace of mind
  • security
  • health
Photo credit: Без названия via Photopin.com
Photo credit: Без названия via Photopin.com

It’s interesting that these are things that we all want out of life, and in fact they are things that history has demonstrated determines our very survival, but we continue to try to create new rules to achieve these things. Then, when our new rules fail us, we decide that it’s our human nature that’s got it wrong and we try to fix ourselves (which leads to more problems).

What I have learned is that there are core values that the Bible teaches that help us to achieve those things that give us (and for the sake of this blog, I’m talking about ladies), the creature comforts most of us claim to desire in life. These values are:

  • Commitment: The Bible encourages commitment, and I have heard many leaders at this church preach commitment many times. The idea behind commitment is that “life is hard”, period. When you commit to things (in work, romance, faith, etc.) and persevere through trials, you will find fulfillment and often times peace.
  • Humility: This church is big on the passage in Philippians 2 that praises how Jesus “being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but humbled himself as a servant…” I have come to believe that there is absolutely no way a woman can have peace in a committed relationship without humility. (Men as well, but we’re talking about women here).
  • Service: It talked about Jesus being a servant. The Bible also uses words like “submit” and “obey” which a lot of people today feel are “dirty words”. But Jesus said that he came “not to be served, but to serve”.
  • Selflessness: The opposite of this is selfishness, which makes people do things to benefit themselves with no concern for the welfare of others. I do not see how one can live in community (peacefully) without this value.
  • Forgiveness: Recognizing that nobody is perfect, and that we all need to lovingly be encouraging to one another seems, to me, to be so important for those things that promote “good living”.

I could go on and on with values like patience and perseverance that are also taught in the Bible, but in the interest of brevity, I’ll leave it here.

Not saying that people outside of the church do not esteem these same values, but the difference between those in the church and those outside of the church is that those in the church (specifically those who fully embrace the idea of “Christ-likeness” in these ways) attach their very identities to these core values. Many non-Christians or uncommitted Christians may see the appropriateness of these values, but either:

  • don’t identify with them
  • don’t find these values realistic to embrace
  • are unsure about the benefits of these values
  • or have any of a number of limiting beliefs that make it hard to embrace and/or apply these values.

That is unfortunate, because I feel that embracing these values, along with prayer and Bible study has changed my life (and health) in ways that are so far reaching that it’s difficult to describe. However, I will do my best to discuss some of these in future articles.

Question of the Day: Do you think the world can do better without Christian values? Why or why not?

 

Read Next: A Letter to Haters

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Ain’t I A Woman | A Letter to The Haters

photo credit: WONDERFULL BHUTAN (126) via photopin.com
photo credit: WONDERFULL BHUTAN (126) via photopin.com

Where do I begin?

We have gotten a range of feedback about our blog.

From: “OMG! Thanks for this! It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for! My mother has been trying to tell me these things for the longest time!”

To: “I think you should take your blog down.”

I want to address the second group of people.

This blog is about women being women in a world where the feminist agenda has become a vehicle for promoting the masculine agenda through women.

When we talk about being anti-feminism, we are not anti-women’s rights. We are actually the very opposite of this. We are PRO-the right to BE a WOMAN. That means:

  • having children
  • choosing your career or the right to not have one
  • loving your body
  • cooperatively supporting your family (including your husband)

If you ask me, we’re more feminist here on Ladies Again than the modern day feminist agenda.

I’m sorry if you don’t understand or even agree with what we are trying to do here.

I’m sorry if you have been brainwashed by the media to believe that feminism is equivalent to interchangeable gender roles and unhealthy lifestyle including:

  • sexual promiscuity by both genders
  • homosexuality and bisexuality
  • single parent homes
  • money over family
  • selfishness and self-centeredness

These are actually the things that we are opposing here at Ladies Again and if you agree with the second set of values, then I understand why you would disagree with Ladies Again. However, if you disagree with those values and still disagree with Ladies Again or do not believe that Ladies Again is being effective in promoting the values that we claim (or that I am claiming in this article), then please leave a message about exactly where you feel we have failed and/or how you think we could do better.

Do you agree with the Ladies Again agenda? Why or why not?

 Read Next: Feminist Lies | The Myth of Gender Equality and The Working Woman

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