One Date a Week: My Red Pill Diaries

One Date a Week

Last New Years Eve, I made a promise to myself that I would take dating seriously in the year 2016, the year when I turned 28 years old. I knew that a great partner was not going to stroll into my life, so I would need to find the right partner for me. My demands were simple: I wanted to find a stable, attractive, intelligent and traditional man to marry. When I say “traditional,” I meant that I am looking for a man who openly acknowledges traditional gender roles and who wants his wife to take care of cooking and cleaning the home while he takes care of providing for his family.

Photo by David Yu via Flickr
Photo by David Yu via Flickr

In short, I was looking for a Red Pill man. But the question remained: Was I a Red Pill Woman? I knew that after years of reading writings from the Manosphere, I had to make significant changes in my life to attract and keep the right man.

Singles graph
Singles graph

I also knew that at 28 years old, time was my enemy. I spent too many years of my youth with a man who had no plans to marry me, and I hated that I allowed myself to waste so much time on the wrong person. So I decided to start anew by putting the odds in my favor and moving to a new location within the U.S. with a high number of single men.

I also made the commitment to find ways to embrace my femininity by learning how to cook and taking salsa dancing lessons. Finally, I quit my masculine high-stress job to pursue a new caretaker career in the medical field. By taking my career off of a high pedestal, I found that I had more time to pursue other ventures, like learning how to sew or study more effectively.

When I jumped in the dating world, I did what most people my age do when they want to find that special person: I opened an online dating account. Then, I opened a few more. And then I went on a few first dates. Err, then I went on nearly 25 first dates in a year. I met some of the men during my day-to-day commute, but I met most of them via online dating apps.

Each date was unique in its own way. From this point forward, I will journal my dating experiences on Ladies Again. Hopefully, you will all learn from my chaotic, exciting, and sometimes emotionally-draining dating experiences.

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Touch of Sophistication

Photo by katebartnik via Flickr

I haven’t written in some time for Ladies Again because I’ve been so busy preparing for nursing school. In the past few months, I have had the opportunity to observe different groups of women in various environments, including at school and at my part-time job in an upscale hotel. For the past few months, I have seen the way the women can be kind, thoughtful and supportive, and, at times, competitive, demeaning and cruel to others. In each environment, I noticed that some women carried themselves better than others by choosing to refrain from engaging in catty or cliquey destructive behavior.

There was a clique of women in one of my classes that would gossip about other students, and sigh loudly or giggle when a student would ask the professor simple questions or when a student would struggle to complete lab assignments. Those women were immature and childish. But I noticed that there are other women in the class who asked thoughtful questions during the class and stayed mostly to themselves. It was the same situation at the hotel job–some women engaged in catty behavior and gossiped about their coworkers or customers, while others stayed mostly to themselves.

I believe that the women who choose to ignore catty behavior are much more sophisticated than the women who engage in cliquey, mean-girl behavior. Those women tend to be much classier, introspective and emotionally intelligent people than the women who engage in school-girl cliques. Sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in gossiping about others or joining others in griping about an issue, but it takes a great deal of strength and restraint to refrain from negative and destructive behaviors.

What are you doing every week to be calm, collected and classy? And how do you decide when a woman is sophisticated?

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The Return of the Selfish Heroine

Tina Fey in Baby Mama

Entertainment wunderkind Tina Fey returned to movie theaters this year with a film about the raunchy adventures between a recent divorcee and her sister who both decide to live it up one final time before reality sets in. Maybe you’ve seen the movie before, since it is similar to that other Tina Fey movie Baby Mama, where a hopelessly single career woman decides to throw caution to the wind and hire a surrogate mother to give birth to her child. Both films are similar in nature to the movie “Trainwreck,” a film about a shamelessly promiscuous woman who decides―when she’s ready, of course―to give love a chance for once in her life.

Tina FeyWhat do these films have in common? They all feature women who live by their own rules and make their own happiness, even if it means shunning meaningful relationships with male partners, their children or their families. Female narcissism, it seems, has become today’s trend du jour. It seems that before our very eyes, the airy romantic chick-flick genre is being replaced by a new entertainment category focused entirely on bringing to the big screen the you-go-girlism once confined to Women’s Studies classrooms. You’ll find this narrative also plays out in books and television shows.

These feminist films are misguided in that they glorify very shallow representations of female empowerment in relationships and workplaces. These movies are actually feminist fantasy, where long-term consequences for selfish behavior never arise. It is rare for these movies to criticize a female character’s poor decision-making when it ultimately leads her to a life of singledom, loneliness and unhappiness. None of these “you-girl-go” films chooses to show what comes after their female lead characters kick their no-good men to the curb or decide to become single mothers on their own. How do they cope, at age fifty, with the regret of knowing they could have had a family but chose instead to pursue their own career goals? Or, how will they balance high-demand jobs with single-motherhood, as Fey’s character will have to do in Baby Mama?

As much as these films shun relationships, the truth is that a life led just for one’s self is a self-centered and lonely existence. Instead, happiness can be found in the joy that comes from stable and loving relationships. Despite all of the female empowerment nonsense pumping out of Hollywood, the fact is that men and women need each other to feel completely and wholly fulfilled, even if admitting that fact sounds less politically-correct than some would like to acknowledge. Relationships push individuals to think about the world outside themselves by forcing them to be conscious of the needs of their spouse. It is in healthy relationships that people learn to be more caring and less selfish.

What will become of this entertainment trend in the future? I, for one, am not going to sit passively and wait for more narcissism propaganda from Hollywood. It is for this reason that I joined a partner in starting Ladies Again, a site for young women learning to be a little more feminine, altruistic and caring. And a little less selfish. As the daughters of two single working mothers, we are educating ourselves independently about femininity and womanhood―learning concepts about femininity that our grandmothers and great grandmothers knew instinctively. Together, we are discovering tips on everything from how to cook, to dinner table etiquette, to how to let a man take the lead.

But as fulfilling as writing for Ladies Again can be, just having these conversations online cannot be enough. We must use the power of the purse to support films, shows, books, and even news sources that support functional families and relationships, particularly those that applaud togetherness and not narcissism. So, will you see the new Fey movie? I hope that you’ll choose to support art that promotes functional relationships instead.

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Remember to Think about the Reality of Life

Candlelight vigil

I date and I don’t like to move fast on dates (Ladies Again readers know about my victories and struggles in dating). Sometimes I get pressured to move fast and have sex, and this makes me uncomfortable and I’m not always sure of the most tactful way to respond. But every now and then, something reminds me to remember why I wait to have sex with someone or invite them to my home: They could give you a disease. They could leave you pregnant and alone. Or they could slice your head off and leave it in a recycling bin in Seattle.

I want to share news about what happened to Ingrid Lyne, a mother of three who was recently murdered after meeting a man for a date. She invited the man over to her house the last day that seen alive. It turns out that the man she was dating for one month had a long criminal rap sheet, which is something that a person might not reveal after just one month of dating. It is great that she waited to bring him over to her house, but you just never know if the person you’re dating is crazy.

Police and court records in Utah show Charlton was charged with first-degree felony aggravated robbery for a June 24, 2006, carjacking in Layton, a small city 15 miles south of Ogden. Layton police Lt. Travis Lyman told The Salt Lake Tribune on Tuesday that, according to a police report, a woman and her baby were in the back seat of a van while her husband was in a bookstore when Charlton ordered them out and stole the vehicle.

Police were alerted and the van was spotted on Interstate 15. An officer followed it to the parking lot of a Target store in Riverdale, Utah, where Charlton was arrested. Charlton agreed to plead guilty to a lesser count of attempted aggravated robbery and was sentenced to one to 15 years. Records show he served about 21 months before he was released on June 24, 2008.

My heart goes out to her children, who have lost their mother. My heart goes out to her family who have to pick up the pieces after her death.

 

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Here’s Why Men Aren’t Calling You Back

PhotobyPexels_person-sunglasses-woman-smartphone

If you’re dating, it’s normal for you to feel that you might not be emotionally or sexually compatible with your date. It’s quite another thing for you to feel so repulsed by your date that you never want to speak to them again, even just to give them the courtesy of telling them that you do not want to go out on a second date. When a guy does not call, text or email you after a date, it is usually because something happened during the date that turned him off completely (of course, the reversal also happens when you don’t feel like calling the guy after a date). What would make a guy choose to run for the hills after meeting you? That is the question dating coach Rachel Greenwald asks in her book “Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date.” In the book, Greenwald reveals the insights gained from interviewing 1,000 single men about why they did not call back after a date.

BookThe book shares honest and raw feedback from men who complained about everything from messy eaters to loquacious talkers to neurotic planners. What is interesting about the book is that the majority of the men admitted to dismissing women for very clear and consistent reasons. Some dismissal reasons were obvious, but others were easy to miss. We all know that men do not like bossy and men women (those were the top two reasons to dismiss a woman), but it is less known that men are intimidated by pampered princesses or that they hate cynical women.

Greenwald personified all of the male date-breakers into what she calls “dating stereotypes.” The Boss Lady is the number cited reason for a no-callback, and The Blahs comes in at a close second. Out of the 4,152 dates described by men in Greenwald’s survey, here are the top 11 reasons why men aren’t calling women back after a first date (listed in order of mentions):

  1. She is bossy and unfeminine (NUMBER ONE REASON)
  2. She is boring or not as interesting as her online persona
  3. She lied about her appearance or attitude in some way
  4. She is rich or spoiled
  5. She wants to know where things are going…way too soon
  6. She reveals too much personal information too quickly
  7. She is mean, uncaring or self-centered
  8. She is cynical or hypercritical
  9. She mentions her ex
  10. She talks way too much
  11. She takes the lead too much

*Honorable mention: Many men interviewed said that it’s a turnoff if the relationship moves to physical intimacy too soon. In fact, some say casual sex is temporarily fun and easy, yet boring. One man said “It’s like doing halfies–the body without the heart.” He says the cuddling, if there is any, is fake.

Photo by Pexels Coffee mug apple iphone.
Photo by Pexels

Greenwald asks readers to recognize themselves in the character stereotypes, and work on ways to appear less irritating to their dates. For instance, women who tend to be dominating and bossy on their dates could benefit by finding ways to show their nurturing side on their dates. Also, women who tend to be highly conscientious or aggressive at work could benefit from relaxing on their dates and refraining from asking probing questions about the future (i.e., never ask a man on a first date if he plans to get married or have a family).

I highly recommend the book, as it helped me learn that I can be too aggressive on my dates by asking my dates about their intentions for the future. Asking too soon about a man’s intentions or hopes for the future can squash any spontaneity or excitement from the date. Asking about a man’s intentions also does not seem to be a very effective way to find the information that you’re seeking. Anyone can lie and say that they are looking for a relationship when they actually want a hookup; likewise, a person can say that they looking for a hookup but could still be open to being in a long-term relationship with the right woman. It’s best to pay attention to a man’s actions to determine whether he is interested in getting more than sex from you.

Which date-breaker rules are you violating? To get the precise answer, Greenwald recommends having a friend, coach or counselor conduct an exit interview with a person who did not call you back after a date. She says that exit interviews can provide insight into negative patterns that you may be making on your dates. She includes an Exit Interview script in her book that is very informative.

Are you willing to have a friend call a person that you once dated to find out what went wrong? Share in the comments below!

Read more: Ladies Shut Their Mouths

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The Bachelor: Cooking Skills Matter

The Bachelor Review image

Can you cook? That is the major question hovering over this week’s episode of The Bachelor. As with every episode, there’s plenty of material for romance and dating junkies to dissect, review, learn and reject. Today, we bring you the hits, misses and red flags from the most recent episode.

What Happened

In terms of action or drama, this episode was pretty bland. Ben takes the women to Mexico City for an adventurous trip. He takes one solo woman along a tour of the historical ruins and goes on another one-on-one date with another woman at a fashion show. He liked and kissed both women. Next he takes a large group of women on a group date, where they learn conversational Spanish and later compete in a cooking challenge. One woman is escorted out and eliminated unceremoniously for having a bad attitude.

Learning Lessons

Cooking Skills Seal the Deal: In the group date, the women who knew how to cook won the date with the guy. It seems like the The Bachelor is imitating real life right there. We’re working on getting better with cooking at Ladies Again.

Unlady-like Mistakes

Don’t Show Your Grumpy Side: There is a point on the group date where it is clear that one woman, named Jubilee, has had it with group-dating the Bachelor. And she’s right, it is strange to have multiple women date, kiss and snuggle with the same man day after day. But, it is a strange situation that she signed up for willing, so there is no reason to pout and be negative on The Bachelor since she agreed to participate in the dating arrangement. Instead, she should have left the show gracefully like a lady if she was unhappy. Real ladies maintain their composure in the face of adversity.

Leave the Ex-boyfriend Talk Alone: One woman on a date discussed her rocky past with an ex-boyfriend. She mentioned that her ex-boyfriend cheated on her multiple times. Why would she share this information on a date? No good could come from discussing a former spouse with someone you just met, especially not a former spouse who cheated on you. Doing so lowers your mating market value because you are admitting that someone else thought so poorly of you that they cheated on you multiple times. Leave this conversation for your therapist, not your boyfriend.

Read more: Here’s Why Men Aren’t Calling You Back

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Bossy or Feminine? How to Take the Pants Off After Work

Photo of women and men

Are you successful in your dating life, but unsuccessful in your love life? While it’s easy to say that men are intimidated by your success, the odds are that the reality of the situation is much different. What is more likely is that you are bringing the masculine skills that you use at work into your dating relationships, and it is a major turn off for the men you are dating. I’m not knocking successful working womenit’s great that you have figured out a way to support yourself by being direct, aggressive, competitive and goal-oriented at work. I am instead knocking women who have not figured out that you cannot carry over your aggressiveness and competitiveness into your dating life and expect men to fall in love with you. Men fantasize about Sofia Vergara’s curves and softness, not Hillary Clinton’s crisp grey pantsuit.

I learned this first-hand from an experience I had with an ex-boyfriend. We were once sharing stories about ex-spouses, and he mentioned that he dated a successful financial manager. He told me that he had to break up with her because she was too controlling. She would decide everything, from where they would go to eat or watch a movie, and by the end of their relationship, she was even giving him orders when they were at home like he was her employee. I remember him saying “If I have to deal with orders all day at work, why would I want to come home to someone causing problems too?”

In this case, the woman did not understand that she has to be nurturing with her spouse, not cold, combative and domineering. Most women do not know that they are behaving this way with men unfortunately, and it shows in research. In the book “Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date,” 1,000 men surveyed say that they are turned off the most by masculine, argumentative and controlling women. In fact, a large percentage of men surveyed for that book say that they are more likely to dismiss women for bossy behavior than any other kind of behavior. The men classified bossy women in six ways: controlling, argumentative, competitive, unfeminine, excessively independent, and unnurturing.

Since heterosexual men are attracted to women, it makes sense that they are not attracted to masculine women. They want feminine, caring women. In fact, many men surveyed say that the preferred jobs for their future wife are schoolteachers, nurses or chefs. How can you tell if you are a bossy, unfeminine woman? Here are a few questions for you, adapted from “Why He Didn’t Call You Back”:

  • Have you ever said “I want a man, but I don’t need one!”
  • Has anyone ever told you “You’d make a great lawyer”?
  • Do you usually organize events and outings?
  • Have you ever went on a date wearing your work clothes?
  • Do you think you can be defensive?
  • Do you think your career defines you?

How You Can Be Less of a Bossy Lady

Let the man take the lead: Try to manage your controlling side by relaxing and letting the man decide the date location. Or, if you’re already in a relationship, always ask for your spouse’s input on all couple decisions, no matter how small. The man needs to take the lead, or at least feel like he is taking the lead and making decisions. That is the way the world works, and you need to accept that the man needs to feel like a man.

Leave work at work: Don’t spend more than a few minutes talking about work with a date, if you are dating, otherwise, your date will feel like a business dinner.

Dress like a lady: Don’t go on a date wearing your work clothes. Your date clothes should reveal some, but not a lot, of skin. You should be wearing a feminine dress or fitting skirt on a date, not a suit or baggy shift dress.

Find ways to be kind: You job as a woman is to make your man feel as though your existence makes life easier for him than if he lived without you. Figure out a way to be kind and give gifts to your spouse or date. In the book, the author discussed the way one woman would have a bowl of peanuts ready for her husband when he returned home every night from work. Find ways to be kind on a regular basis to your spouse.

Seek therapy: It can be difficult to be a modern woman because we have to find ways to juggle one aggressive personality at work, and another personality at home with our spouses, friends and family. If you have a hard time turning off your workplace behavior, consider going to a therapist or counselor to learn how to better control your masculine impulses (because it’s interfering with your love life!).

Read more: Here’s Why Men Aren’t Calling You Back

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The Bachelor: Attack of the Insecure

THE BACHELOR

I think ABC executives should just change the name of the show The Bachelor to The Kisser. Why? It’s clear that the star bachelor Ben Higgins fancies kissing because he does a lot of it with the lady contestants! This may be the first season of The Bachelor where I’ve seen a man make out with several women in a short time span. As with every episode, there’s plenty of material for romance and dating junkies to dissect, review, learn and reject. Today, we bring you the hits, misses and red flags from the most recent episode.

What Happened

The episode starts with Higgins going on a private date with one contestant. He kisses her while the others watch from from a hotel room above; one woman cries when she sees Higgins kiss the other woman. Then the bachelor takes his harem of women to Las Vegas, where they have to show off their personal talents to a studio audience. One woman, named Olivia, does not have a talent and decides to wear a skimpy Vegas outfit and jump out of a cake. She goes through great pains to coordinate the cake logistics and put on her revealing outfit, but does not take any time to plan what she will do after she burst out of the cake. Instead, she stands there naked on the stage and kicks her legs haphazardly. It was awkward.

The cast of The Bachelor
The cast of The Bachelor.

Next, Higgins and a lady contestant serve as an ordained minister at a wedding chapel in Vegas for couples who have made the hasty and impulsive decision to get married at a cheesy chapel in Vegas by reality TV show stars (the state of Nevada, by the way, has the highest divorce rate in the U.S.). Higgins asks the lady contestant what’s it is like to an adult virgin and they later kiss passionately.

This season of The Bachelor is unique in that there is a set of twins on the show. How cute—incestuous twins dating and kissing the same guy! Actually, it’s not cute. Things got weird when he went to the twins’s home in Vegas and met their mother, who tried to help Higgins pick which one of her daughter’s that he wanted to continue dating. Weird. He eliminated one twin while she was sitting in her living room.

Learning Lessons

No Role Models: None of the women exhibited exemplary classy behavior this week folks.

Unlady-like Mistakes

Insecurity is not Sexy: Olivia made a fool of herself, then apologized for making a fool of herself. Then she apologized again. Then she cried on camera. Then she apologized again. Then, the next day, she gave Higgins a slice of cheesecake to apologize. If you make a mistake, own up to it, but not that much. She only needed to apologize once. Being too apologetic made her look insecure, weak and fragile. She should have laughed off her mistake, then keep it moving.

Forget About Your Ex-boyfriend: Things got pretty strange with the twins when Higgins went to one of the twins’s room and saw that it was decorated with several pictures of her ex-boyfriend. Always destroy all evidence of your ex-boyfriend. God help you if you’re divorced. Otherwise, your new beau will feel like he is competing with the person you used to date. No one wants to feel second-best, so get rid of all photos and memorabilia from the days your were with your ex-boyfriend.

Learn How to Walk in Heels: When one contestant, named Amber, was eliminated from the show, she took off her heels and walked away from the rose ceremony barefoot. I HATE seeing women who either cannot walk in high heeled shoes or choose to walk down the goddamn street barefoot. A few rules: First, if you cannot walk in high heels gracefully, do not wear heels. Second, if you want to learn how to walk in heels, start with low-heeled shoes first. Finally, choose to wear thick wedge shoes lieu of spiky stilettos, since the wedge shoes will give you more foot support. Learn more about walking in heels with our article “Science Shows: High Heels do not Oppress Women, They Make Us Awesome!”

Read more: Did You Take the Ladies Again Heel Pledge?

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The Bachelor Review: Unnecessary Drama

The Bachelor Review image

This week’s episode of the The Bachelor, is full of drama, but not in a good way. As with every episode, there’s plenty of material for romance and dating junkies to dissect, review, learn and reject. Today, we bring you the hits, misses and red flags from the most recent episode.

What Happened

This week’s episode was full of drama between the women, and not a whole lot of romance with the leading bachelor. The episode starts with Bachelor Ben Higgins taking one woman on a private helicopter ride around the Los Angeles area. He takes her to a hot tub that magically appears outside in a deserted field. They kiss. He then goes on a group date with many women who play an intense game of team soccer. One group wins and he goes on a date with them as a group. The group date ended with all of the women gathering to gossip about another lady contestant’s feet and breath. Higgins ends the episode by going on a private date with one woman, who happens to be a war veteran. They have what’s looks like an awkward and overly emotional date, where she cries about being adopted. The woman left at the house don’t all of the attention that the veteran contestant receives from the bachelor, so they conspire to confront her. The veteran avoids the confrontation and cries with Higgins instead.

There was a lot of crying and outbursts in this episode, so I ended up fast-forwarding through much of it. I enjoy watching the show for all of the accidental social commentary on dating and relationships, but sometimes the producers at ABC take the trivial drama too far. Why must so many women cry in every episode because they didn’t have enough quality time with the bachelor? Obviously, as a viewer, I understand that many of the women are exaggerating their emotions and putting on an act for the cameras. Every scene does not need to be this melodramatic tear-fest.

Learning Lessons

Owning Your Flaws: Olivia, the most competitive contestant, managed to steal Higgins away this episode, which made several other contestants jealous. They acted on their envy by gossiping about her feet, breast size and breath. When Olivia heard about the gossip, she shrugged it off and told the camera deadpanned “I have horrible feet, I know it.” She owned her faults, and kept things moving. I respect her ability to move on from the petty gossip.

Comforting Your Spouse in Need: Toward the end of the episode, Higgins revealed that a relative passed away. Olivia used the opportunity to ignore his issues and talk to Higgins about her cankles. This was an insensitive thing to do. Jubilee, on the other hand, reached out to Higgins and asked how she could comfort him. She ended up giving him a back massage, which he enjoyed. Jubilee gets points for finding a way to make her spouse feel better during hard times, something that all caring women should do.

Knowing When to Walk Away: Lace, the insecure contestant, quit the show. This was a good decision because she was coming across as needy, jealous and desperate on camera. Higgins did not seem to look sad when Lace said that she was leaving, so she made a good choice. Lace’s situation is one that I think every single person can relate to―you cannot make someone like you, no matter how hard you try to force it. If someone is not returning your phone calls, taking the initiative to text you or even desiring to be seen with you in public, please understand that they do not like you as much as you like them. Walk away.

Unlady-like Mistakes

Being Bitter: Jami leaves the show and says that she feels silly for believing that another person could love her. She ranted in her exiting confessional about how much men have disappointed her and that all people are disappointing. Why would anyone want to date someone that is bitter to that level about love and dating?

Chewing with Your Mouth Open: On three occasions in the episode, Jubilee was caught practicing poor dinner etiquette. She literally spit out caviar on a date and latter stuffed her mouth with crackers. Later in the episode, she was talking to a group of women and had so much food in her mouth that she had to grip the table while she swallowed. Always remember to take smaller bites, especially when you are eating around other people. She could benefit from taking an etiquette class or reviewing basic dinner etiquette pointers.

Read more: Go Ahead. Mail That Thank You Card

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The Bachelor Review: High School Lessons

The cast of The Bachelor

Can you use science to find out if you’re compatible with another person? That’s the question raised this week in the latest episode of ABC’s The Bachelor. As with every episode, there’s plenty of material for romance and dating junkies to dissect, review, learn and reject. We bring you the hits, misses and red flags from the most recent episode.

The Bachelor Review imageWhat Happened

In this week’s episode, Bachelor Ben Higgins brought one group of the lady contestants to a high school aptly named “Bachelor High” to gauge their ability to conduct a science experiment that will “make Ben’s heart explode.” Some women worked better together in teams than others, and it showed dearly. One woman who lost a competition said that she would not murder her partner, but instead find a way for her to “tactfully disappear.” ABC really ran out of ideas for this episode, because not all of the games fit with the high school theme. Sure, there is a challenge where the women have a geography quiz and another where they run track, but why was there a game where they bob for apples? I don’t remember bobbing for apples in high school.

Lace from the Bachelor
Lace from the Bachelor

After the high school competition, the women all go on a group date with Higgins. During the date, one contestant named Lace decides she needs to get time with Higgins. They meet and there is no chemistry. It is uncomfortable to watch. Later, she pulls him aside when he is meeting with another woman to say that she’s not crazy, but she needs more time with him. It’s probably not a good idea on a first date to preface a conversation with a man you like by saying “Yeah, I’m not crazy but…[INSERT ANYTHING HERE].” This woman Lace is most certainly crazy.

The Bachelor may be fake and scripted in a lot of ways, but certainly not in all ways. The Bachelor is true to form in highlighting the awkward and uncomfortable nature of dating. This is evident when Higgins goes on a private date with bubbly Kayla and realizes they have nothing to talk about on their date. For whatever reason, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube join them on their date, and the two daters end up asking each other about their favorite colors in front of the celebrities. Higgins and his date go on to continue their date in a hot tub.

Later, in a separate group challenge, a second group of women goes to a science center to test their attraction and compatibility with Higgins using pseudoscientific pheromone testing. Higgins says that one woman smells “sour.” Yikes.

Learning Lessons

Photo of Olivia with Ben
Olivia with Ben

Feminine Role Model: Olivia, one of the most feminine women on the show, makes a clear connection with Higgins for the second week in a row. Her makeup is moderately applied and she is very flirty, yet not overly sexual. She laughs often and knows how to be playful with men. Best of all, she comes close enough to kiss him, but waits on him to make the final move. She knows what she is doing with Higgins, and she makes the other lady contestants nervous. In fact, they confronted her in the episode because they say it seems like “Olivia versus the rest of the house.” I predict that Olivia will go far, but will continue to piss off other lady contestants.

Being Cute, But Not Too Sexual: During the hot tub date, Kayla chose to keep things rated PG. Back in my younger days, I would have made a move to at least sit on one of Higgins’ legs in the hot tub, but Kayla refrained from that behavior. Good for her. On the down side, another contestant this episode made things Rated NC17 when she got on her knees to bobble for apples. I would not have done that on any date. Let’s keep it classy ladies.

Unlady-like Mistakes

Being Needy and Insecure: Lace is one of the saddest girls I have ever seen on The Bachelor. She constantly pulls Higgins away from talking to other women to chastise him for not paying enough attention to her. Then when they are together and alone, she dominates the conversation by talking over him, then tries to force an emotional connection with him by discussing parts of her past.

Lace comes off insecure, needy and irrational and she knows it. Higgins unfortunately also knows it, and I’m sure he keeps her around on the show for the ratings boost. Ladies, don’t be clingy with a man, and don’t try to force an emotional connection to happen. Most importantly, make sure to get a grip of your emotions―your man doesn’t need to hear about every little transgression that is bothering you. Instead, when you are feeling uptight, try talking to your girlfriends about the little things.

Being Too Forthcoming About Your Past: As we’ve discussed before, real ladies shut their mouths. Why is Kayla and Lace talking about past relationships on their dates? Kayla talked about being hurt by men twice(!) on her date with Higgins, and without any prompting from him. Never tell a man (or anyone!) about how much people have abused you in the past because you also end up telling them how you allowed people to being so disrespectful to you.

Big Mouth Girl: I like Olivia’s feminine style and grace, but she has to cool it with the giant whale mouth thing because it’s not cute. Close your mouth girl.

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