13 Reasons Why I’m Grateful for Strong Men

Job HA0276. February 2006. Fabrication of a new plastic coated bridge, which is being constructed alongside the motorway and will later be erected at Mount Pleasant, M6 motorway, near Junction 32, Lancashire north of Bilsborrow.

I love men for their strength and courage, and I think it’s unfortunate that so many of today’s mainstream bloggers and columnists seem obsessed with pointing out all of the things that men are doing wrong, such as promoting “rape culture,” objectifying women or refusing to “man up.” I am sick of seeing feminists depict men as simple-minded creatures who are only capable of raping and dominating poor and defenseless women.

Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr
A group of men built this. Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

If you listen to all of the anti-male rhetoric spewing out of Hillary Clinton or her online cult followers, it is easy to believe that the world would be better off if men were eliminated. The truth is that men contribute to society in profound ways. They build our roads, they build our homes, they fight to protect us in wars, they keep us safe. For instance, none of the 9/11 rescue workers were women.

I did not fully appreciate the contributions that men make to society until I took a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge in New York City. Putting my hand on the bridge, I could feel the power of the structure, and I wondered how many men risked their lives to build the bridge years ago. It turns out that between 20 to 50 men were estimated to have died from various causes while building the bridge―not a single women died, or even got injured, making the bridge. It’s easy to say that women did not make any any contributions to the development of the bridge because of historical workplace discrimination. That assumption is wrong―it has been more than 130 years since the Brooklyn Bridge first opened, and men are still taking on the riskiest jobs in the world. In the United States, more than 4,300 men died in 2014(pdf) at work, while only 359 women lost their lives at work that year. Men continue to take on the jobs women will not even consider, such as plumbing, carpentry, forestry, waste management and roofing.

Here are just a few of the ways that men contribute today to society:

100% of electrical power line installers are men.

100% of oil drill workers are men.

100% of heating, air conditioning and refrigeration mechanics are men.

100% of deep sea fishermen are men.

99% of coal miners are men.

99% of garbage collectors are men.

99% of roofers are men.

98% of metal fabricators are men.

97% of aircraft maintenance and service technicians are men.

95.5% of firefighters are men.

92% of construction workers are men.

88% of patrol officers are men.

Thanks to Staked In The Heart for sharing the statistics!

Read more: Why Meryl Streep Turned Her Back on Feminism

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Cosmo Magazine: Feminine or Not?

Kim Kardashian cropped.
Nicki Minaj covers Cosmopolitan magazine.
Sex is mentioned on nearly every issue of Cosmo.

Cosmopolitan magazine is not, in fact, a feminine magazine. The sad thing about this magazine is that it is so far from what its title describes, that it is disgusting. Many of the young, impressionable readers of this magazine are unaware of the actual definition of the word “cosmopolitan,” which is actually synonymous with words like “cultured,” “sophisticated,” “suave,” “urbane” and “glamorous.”

However, today’s question is not about whether or not Cosmo magazine is falsely advertising itself, but whether or not it is a feminine magazine.

Why are we asking this question?

Well, Ladies Again, is a place where we discuss femininity as it relates to women’s issues of the day. Unfortunately, many women today who are looking for womanly advice, turn to things like Cosmo to give them guidance about their issues. In fact, statista.com reveals that Cosmo magazine recently ranked as the number two top selling women’s lifestyle magazine in the UK (second only to Glamour), beating out magazines such as Women & Home and Good Housekeeping.

graphic display of top selling women's magazine shows Cosmopolitan as number two
top selling women’s magazines by statical rank from statista.com

Cosmo‘s own press kit reveals that it’s largest demographic is young women aged 18-24. It is number one among college women, distributed in over 100 countries and most of it’s readers are single, employed, college graduates.

image of graphical representation of cosmopolitan magazine demographic data
Cosmo’s press kit reveals it’s ability to influence young minds

If where we spend our money is truly an indication of our priorities, I believe the state of modern womanhood is in grave danger as a result of the relentless propaganda of filth being promoted as advice to modern women. On its website, Cosmo’s tag line states that it is: “The Women’s Magazine for Fashion, Sex Advice, Dating Tips and Celebrity News.”

This tells us two things worth mentioning here.

#1. It is marketed to women as  a women’s magazine, and

#2. It offers sex tips and dating advice as an authority to women.

There is even a Cosmo Girl magazine which is marketed towards teenage girls. Which gives Cosmo a firmer hold on the female education market, grooming women from a young age to enjoy reading what I generously refer to as smut.

Now, even though the magazine does not make any upfront claims that the advice it gives will get you married or engender you as a feminine creature in anyone’s eyes, but it does seem to be promoted as some form of authority on sex and dating. With this combination of it’s popularity and platform to condition women from a young age, we must ask ourselves, is what it is teaching us really worthy of our devotion?

Is Cosmo’s Sex and Dating Advice Feminine?

First of all, let me start by defining what I mean by feminine.

The dictionary defines feminine as delicate, pretty, ladylike. I, personally, believe these are subjective terms and do not really tell very much to a person interested in understanding femininity. So, I referred to Wikipedia and came up with words like gentleness, empathy and sensitivity. I agree more with those terms. I think that gentleness, empathy and sensitivity comes from the female biological quality of giving birth. We produce children whom we become bonded to emotionally. Our instinct to seek the well-being of others is probably why we are okay with selflessly allowing another human being to share our body with us for nine months. I believe when women lose these qualities, there is a relational imbalance on some level in their lives that is observable to others, even if they do not know her well.

I believe a lot of women these days are very confused as to what feminine actually is, because of media sources like Cosmo magazine. They see pictures of women smiling in articles about having one night stands and forget that the feminine instinct is not to bind oneself meaninglessly to another human being and then discard them. Women become indoctrinated into the Sex and the City mentality these magazine purport and lose sight of the long term emotional and physical consequences of being frivolous with one’s body, mind and soul.

But what am I really talking about? Well, let me give you a few examples.

The following are actual articles from Cosmo‘s website:

  • “Why more couples are having kids before they get married”: This article was actually encouraging women to try to put the baby before the ring. Unfortunately, it’s logic was full of holes and unrealistic; but most of all it definitely goes against the feminine instinct to nurture. What sense does it make for women to aspire to bring children into an unstable environment? Furthermore, is it just me, or would being a single mother make dating that much harder?!
  • “A complete beginners guide to the messy blow job”: This article gives seven tips for women to give something called the “messy blow job.” I don’t need to tell you that this is an unladylike article, in fact, I’ll just let Tip #2. do the talking for me:  “Spit as much as you can and drink a bunch of water if you need to.” Uh…no!
  • How about these two articles: “10 Reasons why your one-night stand was actually a good thing” and “Casual sex can be good for you.” And before you go running to check out the articles, let me just give you two of their reasons why one-night stands can have a positive impact on your life. #1. “You go laaaaaid…” I kid you not. That is an actual reason given by an authority on dating for women as to why a woman should comfortably resort to promiscuity. Then there is #2. “You don’t have to wonder what you two are to each other.” Are these supposed to be perks for women, or sociopaths?!

So, at the end of the day, I don’t think I need to, but still I will reiterate that my assessment is that Cosmo magazine is in fact NOT FEMININE!

It reads like a pervy frat bro magazine written with the male pronouns swapped out for female pronouns.  I am convinced that any woman who still reads that magazine for relationship advice needs a wise older woman who has been happily married for 20 years or more…to slap her upside her head and knock some sense into her!

Do you read Cosmopolitan Magazine? Why or why not?

Read Next: Real Men Reveal What Makes Them Commit

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Nonnegotiables for Feminine Women

Couple Moving In

Authors Suzanne Venker and Phyllis Schlafly argue a good case for political conservatism in “The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know―and Men Can’t Say,” a book that explores the ways that feminism has negatively affected American politics, culture and society. According to the authors, feminism, at its core, is about power for the liberal left. Liberal power elites in the U.S. do not want equality because they want a matriarchy instead. “Flipside” authors argue that powerful feminists are using their power in media, politics, education and entertainment to convince others that women are being oppressed, marriage and motherhood are outdated and unnecessary and that gender roles are irrelevant.

Flipside Book
Flipside Book

The book explores topics typically undermined or wholly ignored by feminists, such as the physical and emotional consequences of casual sex, the impacts of divorce on children, the stress of balancing a family and a high-power career and the relationship between age and fertility. The authors argue that women need to be more conservative in their approach to family life and career selection.

They argue that women need to adopt three critical nonnegotiables to their life planning strategy (excerpted from the book):

  1. Casual sex is a dead-end street, and cohabitation does not lead to a successful marriage.
  2. Marriage is the ultimate goal, and divorce should not be assumed to be an option.
  3. Children need, deserve, and want to be raised by their own parents, who are married to each other.

Best Takeaways

  • “Feminists have been successful in getting the majority of Americans to believe that millions of women in the 1950s all realized simultaneously that they were ‘entitled’ to a life outside the home and then expressed this desire only to encounter discrimination at every turn. What was really happening was that technological advances were producing so many labor-saving devices, such as dishwashers and dryers, that women didn’t have to spend as much time on household chores…Women began entering the workforce―and they did so without feminism.” (35)
  • “The truth is that feminism has been the single worst thing that has happened to American women. It did not liberate women at all―it confused them…Their female nature tells them sex requires love; marriage is important; children are a blessing; and men are necessary. The culture, meanwhile, tells them to sleep around and postpone family life because that will cost them their identity. (55)
  • “One reason women are confused about sex is that they’re constantly barraged with politically correct images of men and women hooking up indiscriminately, under the promise that such behavior is empowering to women. They never see the fallout of such behavior.” (63)
  • “Married couples no longer think of themselves as one unit but as separate entities sharing space, which leads to an obscuring of gender roles and inevitable conflict as each spouse focuses solely on his or her own needs rather than the needs of the marriage.” (75)
  • “Any story that portrays women as victims, or portrays women in search of their identity in the absences of a husband and children, is a shoo-in for mainstream media publicity.” (83)
  • “The inconvenient truth is that many careers do not offer women the flexibility they want. If you plan to be a doctor, lawyer, or business executive, your family life will suffer―period. The men and women who pursued these foals have paid a big price for their achievement in the long hours they must commit to their careers.” (116)
    “Disregarding a man’s work ethic and work prospects means women may be forced to remain in the workforce to keep the family afloat―and many will come to regret this.” (117)
This couple is making a mistake if they move in before marriage.


The book gave good advice for single women looking for a husband, but it did not include suggestions on how to stop elite feminists from shaping politics and the news media. Where should conservative women go to for unbiased news information? Which political leaders are helping traditional- and family-oriented women?

Overall Opinion

The book is a good read for readers who are new to the traditional women/anti-feminist book world. The book is highly recommended.

Read next: Why Modern Women are Miserable

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20 Facts about Sex Feminists Don’t Want You To Know

Women smiling

I just returned from a three-week tour of Central America. While there, I joined members of my group tour in going out to dinner in Rio Dulce, a bay city in Guatemala. At dinner, I had the pleasure of getting to know a young Australian woman,19 years old, on the trip who seemed to have sex, dating and marriage all figured out. She was tall and naturally beautiful, with long brown hair that extended down her back. Despite her young age, she decided that marriage was bullshit and unnecessary (she thought of marriage as a relic from old history), that men actually like opinionated and strong women, and that it was okay to sleep around while you are figuring out life. She was loud, masculine and opinionated; a middle school boy’s fantasy tomboy come to life.

We were both fresh out of failed long-term relationships. She broke up with her boyfriend so she could be free to travel, and I broke up with my long-term boyfriend because he refused to get married. As I sat at the table trying to explain my newfound desires to get married and have children, she shook her head, saying “Life is for living! Don’t be so rigid!”As she spoke, some of the men at the table nodded in agreement. They wanted to enjoy their youth too by hooking up, experimenting and traveling. Nearly everyone at the table (besides the one couple in our group) said that they wanted to settle down and get married in their late thirties or early forties. When they were ready, of course.

I was the odd woman out at the table trying to share some of the knowledge about dating and relationships I learned over the past few years. Knowledge about the declining fertility and beauty of women and about the emotional baggage of useless hookups. But the young Australian did not want to hear it. Eventually, I gave up after I realized that the differences between us―at 26 years old, I was at an age where I am beginning to see the physical consequences of casual sex and careless living.

I have felt the sadness of causal empty sex with hookups and the resulting loneliness. I have friends who are already single parents, unmarried friends who are stuck in rental leases with ex-partners they despise and relatives on the verge of divorce (I myself am actually the product of careless hookup sex―my father was married to another woman when I was born and I am just three months older than one of my brothers). Worst of all, I have female friends over the age of 35 who may have missed their opportunity to get married because they spent their entire youth (when they were at their sexual peak) working overtime at the office to get ahead. These women are the most regretful people I have ever met.


But to the young Australian, life was for the taking. She is beautiful and her career is on the way up. If she is getting everything she wants now and a constant stream of compliments from men, why should she need to think that someday men will stop finding her attractive? Or that the men at the table will have the opportunity to pick up family life and marriage any time they want (usually with younger women), but that she will not have those options if she waits too long? I dropped the topic because I realized that I was wasting my time.

I also realized with shocking horror that I was talking in real-time to my past self. The Australian girl was me! When I was 19, I would not have listened to my blabbing about fertility and marriage either. Why, I had a career to pursue! There were other women at the table from Western countries (the U.K., Germany, the Netherlands) who shared the young Australian’s sentiments―that marriage was oppressive and restricting, that having a family was not everything and that a woman’s independence and career should come first. I felt sickened at that moment with feminism’s ability to to defy not just logic but also geographical barriers. That flawed ideology has spread across the world, infecting young women by tricking them into believing that they can have everything―the loyal, attractive husband, the high-flying career, loving and stable children―all without having to lose anything in return, like fertility, independence or femininity. Lies! All of it lies!

If I could go back to my younger self, I would share all of the facts that paint a different picture about female independence, love and marriage:

Fertility is More Relevant Than Your Bullshit Career

  • After 25, female fertility slowly drops off. After 30, the decline in fertility begins to hasten. By 35, difficulty in conceiving children is commonplace and accounts for the boom in fertility clinics. By 40 you are playing Russian roulette.
  • One in five men who remarry wed a woman at least 10 years their junior, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census data. By contrast, only one in 20 men on their first marriage pair up with someone that young.
  • While 80 percent of men in their first marriages have spouses within five years of their age, that share drops to 57 percent by the second marriage.
  • Men across the age spectrum have a sexual preference for women in their mid-20s. This remains true for men of all ages—men in their early-20s or younger are attracted to women older than themselves and older men are attracted to younger women.

Hookup Sex is Terrible

  • In one study, among participants who were asked to characterize the morning after a hookup, 82 percent of men and 57 percent of women were generally glad they had done it. Forty-three percent of women regretted it! [Thanks to Hooking Up Smart for finding the statistics]
  • In a sample of 507 undergraduate students, more women than men hoped that a relationship would develop following a hookup. Only 4.4 percent of men and 8.2 percent of women (6.45 percent of participants) expected a traditional romantic relationship as an outcome, while 29 percent of men and 42.9 percent of women (36.57 percent of participants) ideally wanted such an outcome (Garcia & Reiber, 2008).
  • Twelve percent of women say that it is sometimes easier to have sex with a guy they don’t know than to make conversation (Glenn, Norval and Marquardt, Elizabeth, 2001).
  • In a study of 832 college students, 26 percent of women and 50 percent of men reported feeling positive after a hookup, and 49 percent of women and 26 percent of men reported a negative reaction.
  • In a qualitative study that asked 187 participants to report their feelings after a typical hookup, 35 percent reported feeling regretful or disappointed, 27 percent good or happy, 20 percent satisfied, 11 percent confused, 9 percent proud, 7 percent excited or nervous, 5 percent uncomfortable, and 2 percent desirable or wanted (Paul & Hayes, 2002).
  • In a large Web-based study of 1,468 undergraduate students, participants reported a variety of consequences: 27.1 percent felt embarrassed, 24.7 percent reported emotional difficulties, 20.8 percent experienced loss of respect, and 10 percent reported difficulties with a steady partner (Lewis et al., 2011).
  • In another recent study conducted on a sample of 200 undergraduate students in Canada, 78 percent of women and 72 percent of men who had uncommitted sex (including vaginal, anal, and/or oral sex) reported a history of experiencing regret following such an encounter (Fisher et al., 2012).
  • In a study of 270 sexually active college-age students, 72 percent regretted at least one instance of previous sexual activity (Oswalt, Cameron, & Koob, 2005).
  • In a report of 152 female undergraduate students, 74 percent had either a few or some regrets from uncommitted sex: 61 percent had a few regrets, 23 percent had no regrets, 13 percent had some regrets and 3 percent had many regrets (Eshbaugh & Gute, 2008).
  • In a study of 140 (109 female, 31 male) first-semester undergraduates, women, but not men, who had engaged in intercourse during a hookup showed higher rates of mental distress (Fielder & Carey, 2010).

He Does Not Like You Just Because He Has Sex with You

  • He is going to ejaculate, whether he likes you or not: Men reached orgasm more often than women. In first-time hookups, 31 percent of men and 10 percent of women reached orgasm; in last relationship sexual activity, 85 percent of men and 68 percent of women reached orgasm.
  • Armstrong, England and Fogarty (2009) addressed sexual satisfaction in a large study of online survey responses from 12,295 undergraduates from 17 different colleges. Participants were asked about oral sex rates and orgasm in their most recent hookup and most recent relationship sexual event. In this study, men reported receiving oral sex both in hookups and in relationships much more than women.
  • In first-time hookups that involved oral sex, 55 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 19 percent only women receiving oral sex, and 27 percent both mutually receiving; in last relationship sexual activity, 32 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 16 percent included only women receiving oral sex, and 52 percent included both mutually receiving.

Independent Women are Lonely Women

  • People with higher numbers of past sexual partners were more likely to form hookups, and to report lower relationship quality. Through the acquisition of partners they begin to favor short-term relationships and find the long-term ones less rewarding. (Paik)
  • A third of unmarried women have not had sex in the past year, compared with less about a quarter of the men. About 20 percent of single women have sex two or more times per week.

Your Career is Not Everything

  • According to Pew, a strong majority of working moms (62%) would rather work part time; a job situation enjoyed by just 26% of working mothers. Over a decade ago, just 48% of working mothers said a part-time job would be ideal.
  • Fully 79% of working fathers prefer to work full time, while just 21% say part-time employment would be ideal

Divorce is a Mistake

  • You can get the divorce if you want to, but there are consequences. Fully 64 percent of divorced or widowed men have remarried, compared with 52 percent of previously married women. (Pew)

In closing, here’s great advice from blogger Susan Walsh that I learned the hard way:

“When a man shows interest he won’t know right away whether you go into the short-term box or the long-term box. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, being very selective about sex is one way of ensuring you’re perceived as potential [long-term relationship] material. Signaling your willingness to have sex immediately with a man you just met says that you are not particularly selective, so there is nothing special about this man. You’re also signaling that there is nothing very special about sex. It’s the fastest route to “one and done.”

Read next: I’m a Woman with a Career I Don’t Want

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Why I’ve Decided to Start Wearing Heels

This week, Ladies Again kicks off “31 Days of Heels,” our campaign to encourage feminine women to look their best every day. The campaign has a special meaning for me, as I just recently came to conclusion that I barely put forth an effort into my physical appearance.

Heels, Photo by Fashion by He via Flickr
Photo by Fashion by He via Flickr

Like most American women, I came into age believing that it was only necessary to make the effort to dress up only for certain occasions, such as late nights out with friends, theater shows or special occasions. Since I was not a celebrity or socialite, it just didn’t seem to make sense to me to take the time to look nice on a everyday basis. This is how I justified skipping the high heels for the comfy moccasin flats, forgoing the smokey eyeshadow for the plain unassuming black eyeliner and letting my flat iron literally get dusty. My thought process was, if I’m already skinny and attractive, why should I have to do more? I have a college degree dammit! Won’t the guy who likes me respect the fact that I am not shallow and self-absorbed enough to fret excessively over my appearance?

The answer is no, no he will not appreciate my intellect if I do not create the opportunity for him to notice my existence first. One opportunity comes before the other. Men like “shiny things,” as talk show host Steve Harvey said in his bestselling book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” And he’s right: One 2013 survey found that men are much more sexually aroused by visual stimuli, while women are more sexually aroused by concrete, auditory, olfactory, touch and emotionally relevant sexual stimulation. As a woman, I can feel the reality of Harvey’s words when I take the time to enhance my appearance―I receive a much higher response from men when I wear my hair long (or put in hair extensions, let’s be honest), apply makeup, slip into a form-fitting dress and strap on a pair of fabulous heels.

Now, while I realize that looking “shiny” is important, my ongoing goal is to look “shiny” and feminine everyday, not just when I feel up for making the effort. Unfortunately, as a busy single career woman, more often than not, I look shoddy, unkempt and well…like a typical American woman. Or worse, I look business ready in my slacks and flat shoes, but not sexy. In order for me to improve my appearance, I need to make femininity a habit by committing to dressing up everyday. One way to start is to take femininity one day at a time.

Today, I’ll start by wearing heels. High heels display the female form to advantage and are one the simplest ways to look feminine. In the past, I avoided heels for two main reasons: First, heels are painful (and dangerous), and second, heels are impractical.

Photo by Iam Khatuvi a Flickr
Photo by Iam Khatuvi a Flickr

First, there is no denying that high heels can be painful, depending on the height of the high-heeled shoe, the point of the heel and the quality of the materials used to make the shoe. Anyone who has seen amateur heel-wearers leave a nightclub has seen the pain that high-heeled shoes can inflict on unsuspecting victims. High-heeled shoes have been known to cause corns, calluses, ingrown toe nails and painful, aching bunions (also known as bony protrusions) that appear at the base of the big toe and distort the shape of the foot. Also, amateur heel-wearers take the risk of tripping and toppling over in their sky-high heels.

Second, heels are tragically impractical. A high-heel-wearer cannot walk for miles in their shoes, nor can they walk safely in rainy or snowy weather. And as a bicyclist, the idea of commuting in a pair of high heels terrifies me, considering that a heel could easily slip into a pedal and cause me to fall off my bike. It is just much easier to put on a pair of boring flat shoes than it is struggle and wobble in a pair of painful heels.

So what is a girl to do if she wants to look feminine by wearing heels all month long but is afraid of the pain she is sure to endure? If you are also taking the heel challenge, there’s a few things that can help you get through the month:

  • Start small. Start with low two- or three-inch high heels first and gradually move up to six inch pumps.
  • Select the right shoe: Choose a shoe with a relatively wide toe, laces or a strap across the top of the foot which prevent the foot from sliding forward in the shoe and straps or other materials that enclose the ankles entirely.
  • Choose a stable shoe with a chunky heels, such as an espadrille, as opposed to a spiky heel.
  • Apply padded insoles to your shoes. Padding helps with foot pain and provides a buffer between you and the high heel.

Practice makes perfect. Tweet us pictures of your high heels using the #ladiesagain hastag. Good luck ladies!

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Did You Take the Ladies Again Heel Pledge?

Shoes, Photo by Fouquier via Flickr
Photo by Fouquier via Flickr

For the next month, we’re encouraging aspiring feminine ladies to participate in “31 Days of Heels,” our month-long event where women are taking the challenge to wear heels everyday this month. Join us in looking and feeling sexy this month! Wear your heels at work, at the club, at church and with family. They can be a low as two inches or 6-inches; wedges or stilettos! Take photo of your shoes and share your photos by using the hashtag #ladiesagain.

Why are we wearing heels this month? We’re doing this because we acknowledge the scientific fact that high heels display the female form to advantage. As the campaign gets underway, we’ll publish articles that explore the importance of high heels. Wear those heels ladies!

Contest Rules

We’re giving away items all throughout January as part of “31 Days of Heels.” The goal of this contest is to get the word out about this new movement to empower women through femininity. As you know, here at Ladies Again, we are all about accentuating women’s natural strengths. We want to (as much as possible) encourage women to love who they are as women and not try to become men, just because they feel it is the only way they can get ahead.

There is a saying that “you can’t beat a man at his own game”, and the truth is we are not going to be able to outshine men by trying to become like them. Being a feminine woman is a beautiful thing with inherent strengths. So, with this contest, we are hoping to encourage women to “take back femininity” by embracing a tried and true tradition and method of bringing men to their knees…the high heel!

That’s right, ladies. We are strutting our stuff in the month of January and getting women talking about how awesome it is to be women again. We’re getting rid of the fear and embracing the power of the feminine. It’s like Marianne Williamson’s famous quote:

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? …. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

So, shine ladies! There’s no better time! We want to encourage you to wear those heels, and feel free to share with us your stories about how wearing heels has changed your world. Are people taking notice more? Did it bring back the spark in your marriage? Did it make you feel sexy again?

The icing on the cake is that we’re giving out prizes! Yes, that’s right. This is a contest and the winners will receive Ladies Again Swag Bags! The swag bags will contain an assortment of fashion accessories, including:

  • Four pair of earrings
  • Four necklaces
  • Cute furry ear muffs
  • Bedazzled cellphone case
  • a signature fragrance spray

At the end of the month there will be a raffle drawing. Two winners will be selected. One will be selected based on the number of entries, and another will be selected via a random drawing. You can enter as many times as you like.

Swag Bag Photo
Lady’s again Rihanna “Rogue Love” signature swag bag
photo 2
Ladies again Queen Latifah “Queen of hearts” signature swag bag

There are many ways to enter the “31 Days of Heels” contest:

  1. Tweet, Instagram or Facebook a picture of your heels with the hashtag #ladiesagain (one post good for one entry and every share is another entry).
  2. Comment on any article on ladies again (each comment relevant to any blog post or conversations happening in the comment section are good for one entry…spam/random comments will have you eliminated from the contest).
  3. Share an article (using the #ladiesagain hashtag will help us track your entries, but if you don’t use the hashtag, email us at lilacblue[at]ladiesagain[dot]com with a link to your post so we can count it towards your entry).
  4. Do a blog post (write a blog post on your blog and include a link to the “31 Days of Heels” challenge). You can email us a copy of the article so we can count it towards an entry for you.
  5. Do a YouTube video that references the “31 Days of Heels” challenge on Ladies Again and put a link to Ladies Again in the description. The video, plus the link are good for two entries.

How the winner will be selected:

  • Our team will tally the scores at the end of each day and keep track of all entrants on a spreadsheet
  • Every day a leader board will be updated with the top 5 contestants and how many entries they have submitted throughout the contest
  • In the end the person with the most entries, will win a swag bag
  • The second swag bag will be distributed via a random drawing (obviously, people with more entries will be at a slight advantage)
  • The winner will be selected randomly


Creative tweets, posts, videos and blog posts may be shared via the comments section of Ladies Again (so you might earn yourself some personal publicity as well!)

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Healthy again: Fat friends, skinny friends

I’m a people watcher.

It’s a trait that I think is related  to my being the middle child in a big family, studying psychology and being “an artist.”

Whether that’s correlation or causation, I couldn’t tell you. However, I do recommend that anyone going through a transformative journey begin now to practice people watching.

Specifically what should you be watching for?

Watch for whatever quality you are seeking for yourself. I have read many books and heard many gurus recommend getting a mentor as one of the keys to success.

In The Science of Getting Rich, Walter Wattles says:

…You fix attention upon the common, the ordinary, the poor, and the squalid and mean; and your mind takes the form of these things. Then you will transmit these forms or mental images to the Formless, and the common, the poor, the squalid, and mean will come to you.

To permit your mind to dwell upon the inferior is to become inferior and to surround yourself with inferior things.”

He talks about focusing your attention on the beautiful and good things you desire with gratitude. The best selling book and movie, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne talks about this as well. It talks about focusing only on the thing which you desire.

Fat friend, skinny friend

“Elvis lives”, Flickr Creative Commons

In the case of getting healthy again, this is the difference between seeing fat people walking around and saying “at least I’m not that fat” versus focusing on the fit and healthy people around you and saying “Wow! She looks great! Just a few more months at the gym and I’ll look just like that!” One is focusing on being fat, while the other thought is focusing on what the person truly desires.

Robert Kyosaki’s world famous book Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the rich teach their kids about investing that the poor and middle class don’t, is a prime example of the idea that there is a definite difference in thinking in people at different stations in life. The Bible says:

“You shall know a tree by it’s fruit…” -Matthew 7:16-20

For this reason, I have taken to observing the habits of my skinny, healthy and slender friends versus my fat and unhealthy friends.

Reason being, to understand what each does and how each lives their life. The fact of the matter is, if you really want a thing, the journey to getting there is only a matter of learning and doing.

Of course you can watch youtube channels and follow workout gurus on instagram and twitter, but from there you will only get a snap shot of what is really going on in their lives. The best way to learn these things is up close and intimately, the way the disciples walked with Jesus. Doing this will help help you understand better. This is one of the primary principles that Tai Lopez (a living-the-good-life guru) teaches. I believe that face to face mentorship is more effective because of the effect of what neuroscientists call “mirror neurons” in our brains.

For this reason, I will be writing a series of articles in the coming weeks about my observations about the differences between my heavier friends (their habits and lifestyles) and those of my less healthy and overweight friends. I hope you’ll tune it.

Have you noticed a difference between your fat friends’ behavior and habits and those of your skinny friends? Share your observations in the comments below!

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Easy Makeup Strategies for Lazy Women

Photo by Amie Fedora via Flickr

Like many many women, I am usually too busy to apply makeup on a daily basis because I am frequently rushing out of my home in the mornings to make it to work on time. I have, however, been trying my best over the past year to break my habit of skipping out on makeup application in the morning. One of the best things I have done to limit my makeup-less habit is to find simple ways to apply my makeup quickly and effortlessly. Check out beauty videos online to find helpful makeup shortcuts. Below, you will find a few of my favorite videos:

From Extra Petite:

Simple makeup tips for darker-skinned beauties:

Everyday basic makeup routine:

A classic office look:

Learn how to make your simple black eyeliner last:

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Introducing book of the month challenges on Ladies Again

Ladies Again Book of the MonthThe mission of Ladies Again is not just to hate on feminists, but to help today’s women to reclaim their femininity. For this reason, we are introducing a “Book of the Month”.

What this means is that every month, we will be introducing a new book that exemplifies our mission that we will read together as  a group.

But to add to the fun of it, we will only be picking (what I like to call) “process books”. These are books that not only teach a lesson, but also contains some step-by-step guidelines, tutorials or processes that we can follow to actually produce a real and tangible transformation.

Better still, we’ll be issuing challenges to our readers and subscribers to encourage participation. The challenges will be relevant to whatever the book is about, and people will be given specific instructions. The challenges will not be hard, and designed to teach you how to do something (not to overtax you). Most likely, the challenges will be taken directly from the book of the month. So, as much as it is possible, try to get your hands on a copy of the book. We will put as much information about the challenges on here as possible, but it’s always better to get the book to help you understand more.

So, here’s the process:

Step 1. Purchase the textbook of the month.

Step 2. Follow along each week by reading the “selected reading”.

Step 3. Keep looking out for the weekly challenges.

Step 4. Submit your assignments either via comment box or email.

Step 5. People who complete assignments will be entered into drawings to win prizes. Keep checking back to see the winners of the challenges.

As always, if you have any questions, comments or even suggestions for a book you want us to work with; drop a comment in the comments section or email us! We look forward to hearing from you!

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Selling out vs selling it: Why makeovers are not evil!

I remember when I got my first weave.

I was in college and I had been regularly wearing my hair in braids, because it was just easier to manage. My hair was natural, African hair (i.e. no relaxer) and I had not quite learned to style it up until that point. I don’t know why I decided to get a weave, but I remember feeling like everyone would know it was a weave and people would make fun of me, or worse, think I was trying to be cute!

Yes, that was a real fear of mine. Looking back, I think that fear came from a deep-seated belief that I just was not cute and if I tried to dress up like I was trying to be, people would expose me for the imposter I was.

Strangely enough, nobody said anything. However, somewhere inside, I was constantly feeling some sense of guilt that I was being complimented for something that really wasn’t reflective of who I considered myself to be.

Now-a-days, I wear weaves on-and-off. Mostly I wear weaves for special occasions like weddings, etc. There definitely is a difference in the way people treat you when you are all “dolled up”. People look at you longer. People listen more. Whether you like it or not, appearance matters!

We talk a lot about transformations here on Ladies Again. We are constantly trying to encourage our readers to give up the baggy jeans and tennis shoes and invest in make up and push up bras! However, we understand why this can be difficult for many women. Some women feel like putting on make up and spending time on their hair is being fake or selling out.

People feel this way for a lot of reasons. For me, it was because I spent so much of my childhood as the wallflower who secretly envied the pretty girls yet was surrounded by negative friends (read: feminists in the making) who were constantly talking smack about those girls. They would say things like:

  • Those girls are stuck up
  • Those girls are not that smart
  • Those girls are mean
  • Those girls don’t make good girlfriends/wives

Yet as time went on, I met and became friends with many beautiful women who were kind, generous, devoted, and loyal wives, sisters, friends and girlfriends. On top of that, many of my male friends who were constantly talking smack about the pretty girls to me, secretly had crushes on many of these girls.

Eventually, I had to get over the lies that I had been fed all those years that those girls were somehow a different caliber of people. Ultimately, I had to get rid of this whole idea that somehow wearing makeup, nice clothes and a cute hairstyle does something to your insides as well.

I mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to talk about how to be universally appealing without selling out. That’s what I hope to do here.

My biggest fear

I’m a Christian, and a very strong one at that. I believe in Jesus, forgiveness and heaven. I believe that the world is full of corruption and a relationship with God is our only hope for salvation. Unfortunately, somehow, in the lessons I learned about being a good Christian, somewhere along the lines I consumed a message that said that “pretty girls like to sin”. It was probably jealous friends who hung out with the frumpy crowd (of which I was among at the time). The fact of the matter is that everyone sins, the Bible even says so; and some of those girls who were hating on the pretty girls were also exploring their fleshly desires in secret corners with horny guys as well.

I would like to express that after all those years hiding my beauty and standing back while the pretty girls got to pick which guy they wanted, I eventually began spending time with some of these beautiful ladies. After getting to know them, I found that many of them were just like me, and that the only difference between pretty girls and ugly girls is the time they spend on their appearance.

Putting it in plainer terms: pretty girls have the same insecurities and feel the same pain that everyone else does. The only difference is that they look really good while they’re experiencing it.

Selling it versus selling out

The issue of selling out who you are to get a date or to fit in with a group of people is a legitimate issue, though. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it isn’t. There are cliques that will literally try to haze you before accepting you as one of them (and acceptance may still not be guaranteed after that).

I want to get one thing straight. This point I’m about to make is so important that I’m going to leave it at that, because if you don’t understand anything else in this article, try your best to understand this. Here it is: repackaging yourself is just so that you can get people to look and you do not have to completely change who you are (eg. values, morals, etc.)

Once you have mastered this, and guys are going out of their way to talk to you, you will be in a better position to get the guy of your dreams, because you’ll have many more guys to choose from!

Want to continue the conversation? Leave a message in the comment box below!

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