Why You Are Failing At Work-Life Balance

Photo by Mislav Marohnić Flickr

A Balanced Life is a Myth

I went for a two hour walk today. That means that there were a lot of things that did not get done. While I was walking I was listening to an audiobook my sister recommended entitled “The One Thing” by Gary Keller. Although, this book was not written specifically for women (in fact it is very popular in business circles amongst entrepreneurs), I think it has huge implications for womanhood and feminism. The book was simple, straight to the point, and surprisingly common sense. So common sense, in fact, that it was the epitome of the cliché that “common sense is not so common”. It said everything I have always thought, but have never been able to put into words and contained lots of surprisingly practical advice. This best-kept secret of productivity that Mr. Keller spoke about can be summed up into three words “the one thing”.

The One Thing

“The One thing” is a complicated yet simple idea that says (in entirely too simple words) that you can’t have it all. You have to choose. The book debunks myths like “the multi-tasking myth” and “the balanced life” myth, and explains to us that in order to be most effective in life we need to narrow down our focus. This probably sounds terribly limiting, but it’s actually not when you fully understand it. It is actually extremely freeing. In fact, as I listened to the audiobook, I got excited thinking about all the tedious and time-wasting tasks I hope to eliminate from my life to get down to the one thing.

dominos getting progressively larger
credit: the1thing.com

The Domino Effect

One of the first illustrations Keller described in the book was how a single domino can cause a ripple effect that knocks down a slew of other dominoes in succession. He then went on to discuss how a researcher found that a single domino can knock down a domino twice its size and that when the bigger domino does the same to another twice its own size and this pattern repeats, by the 57th domino, we’re knocking down a domino that reaches the moon!
This interesting narrative depicts the power of a small action having large effects. People in business often talk of the Pareto effect which states that 80 percent of all results come from 20 percent of all actions. What Keller is saying with the domino effect is that a person can narrow down their actions to a single action that by doing so it will make all other actions easier or unnecessary.

Why Women Need to Stop Competing With Men

At the end of the day, this has huge implications for women and feminism. Modern feminism pushes women to want to achieve more and more and multi-task and do EVERYTHING men are doing. The problem with this is that when your goal is to out-perform someone whose circumstances are not compatible with your own, you end up not doing what is best for yourself. As I said when I started this article, when you make a choice to do something, other things do not get done.

The One Thing Women Should Do

 

credit: the1thing.com
credit: the1thing.com

After listening to most of the book (I’m about 75 percent done), I have decided to cut a lot of the crazier things out of my life. Crazy goals, that while interesting, are ultimately meaningless to my quality of life; and crazy people, who waste my time and drive me to unproductive and unhealthy activities or just overall want to use me. Over a year ago, I completely stopped watching television, but I think that in order to become even more productive I need to cut out excessive internet activities as well. With all that being cut out, I should have more time for practicing cooking, spending time with family and achieving that one big impactful goal that is most meaningful to me. Keller says that everyone can begin by asking themselves one very important question: What is the one thing you can do right now that will make everything else easier or unnecessary? This question is a great place to start (and the book is a great place to continue), but as you begin to go down this rabbit hole, be prepared to let things go including your ego, pride, sense of entitlement and selfishness. Hopefully, it will lead you to at the end of your life having let go of the one thing most people cringe over: regret.

The fact of the matter is, the more you try to do, the less you get done. If you try to be a superwoman who sweeps up in the board room, your personal relationships will most likely suffer (and vice versa). So, my recommendation is sit down with yourself and figure out the one thing that would make your life meaningful. What is the one thing that will make your toil worth it in the end? Continue asking yourself, “what’s my one thing today?” I really believe that this little change will transform the quality of your entire life.

What’s your one thing?

Read Next: Feminist Lies: The Myth of Gender Equality and The Working Woman

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Flexible Jobs for Women

Photo by Geoffery Kehrig via Flickr

We all know that, despite HAM (‘Hating Anti-Male’) calls for more equality in the workplace, studies show that most women do not want to be working at all. In fact, one Pew study found that women do not even want to be the boss. The reason for this is that many smart Red Pill Women understand that making money does not come before loving their spouses and families. There’s ample examples in books and articles of women who gave up their youth, energy and fertility for their jobs.

Photo by Geoffery Kehrig via Flickr
Photo by Geoffery Kehrig via Flickr

After all, who really wants to end up becoming power woman like Erin Callan, the former chief financial officer of the doomed Lehman Brothers, who realized only after the crash and burn of her career that she did not have a life outside of work? Or to realize, at 47 years of age, as she did, that she missed out on her opportunity to have children? Who wants to be Kate Bolick, the writer for The Atlantic who realized at 39 that she might have missed her opportunity to have a family, too?

Here’s the kicker to feminism: You can try to compete with men in the workplace and decide to work overtime to get ahead, but after years of working hard, only men will still have the option to have children (usually with younger, more fertile women) once they get older. As women, we have to prioritize our youth and fertility if we want to have children.

This means that we cannot allow ourselves to lose years of our youth in dead-in relationships (i.e., hookups, one-night stands or any kind of fornicating with bums) or in dead-in, exhausting jobs. Intense rat-race corporate jobs must be off limits because they take so much time away our abilities to date or stay at home with our children. In the book, “The Flipside of Feminism,” authors Suzanne Venker and Phyllis Schlafly argued that a woman’s family life will suffer if she chooses a high-achieving career that involves long hours. She encourages women to reconsider their plans to become doctors, lawyers or business executives.

As part-time and telecommuting work become more common, there are ways for women to find work outside of the office (or away from the Starbucks register). We’ve compiled a list of a few flexible jobs:

  • Web developer/designer
  • Finance manager
  • Software developer
  • Insurance agent
  • Dietitian
  • Real-estate agent
  • Graphic designer
  • Property, real-estate and community-association manager
  • Writer
  • Newspaper reporter
  • Financial analyst
  • Film/Video editor
  • Personal assistant
  • Dog walker

Did we miss any flexible jobs? Share jobs in the comments below.

Read next: I’m a Woman with a Career I Don’t Want

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I’m a Woman with a Career I Don’t Want

Angelo DeSantis via Flickr

I am a power woman living the dream. I have a full-time career as a spokesperson for a nonprofit, and an office with floor-to-ceiling views of a busy neighborhood in Washington, D.C. I work with an assistant, and I have a boss that lets me take four-week vacations. Every day, I work with national reporters and producers to place major stories in high-profile news outlets. I travel each month for conferences and meetings in other U.S. cities, where I get to stay in quality hotels with spas, room service and heated swimming pools.

Photo by Angelo DeSantis via Flickr
Photo by Angelo DeSantis via Flickr

I go to meetings where I plan strategies with experienced leaders and high-paid political consultants. I go to power lunches and policy briefings with colleagues. I keep tabs on stakeholders for my job. I network at industry after-work parties. I check my email all day while I am in the office and before I go to bed at night. I have fancy business cards and a closet full of tailored suits. I have eight pairs of black pumps. My job has all of the glitz, prestige and power I prayed for when I was 13 years old in middle school.

And I hate everything about my career. I hate the phoniness of public relations, the monotony of office life and the endless stream of upcoming meetings and projects. I hate dealing with the soul-killing boredom when the workload slows down, and, when the reverse happens and work speeds up, the heart-attacking-inducing panic when I have to process one week’s worth of projects in a single afternoon. I hate navigating through workplace office politics and going to phony business lunches. My commutes in the mornings are long and tedious, and the truth is that I could do most of my work at home. I have thought about quitting for the past two years and have reached a point where coming into work every day is a struggle.

I should say that I while I do not like office life and public relations, I love the nonprofit organization I work for and I think they are helping to make the world a better place. I would just rather not work for them, or anyone else to be honest. I have recently come to the conclusion that I would rather work for myself―in an industry completely different than public relations (PR).

I never actually planned to work in PR. Like many in the industry, I started off as a freelance writer. When the economy got rocky in 2009, I grabbed on to the industry like it was a floating lifesaver so that I could finally earn a steady paycheck and have health insurance benefits. At first, I found the job to be surprisingly easy. All I have to do is be nice to reporters! But now, I am realizing that everything comes with a cost. Compared to other office jobs, such as finance, operations or network administration, communications careers are in fact much easier, but the big difference is that public relations staff members are held to much higher accountability standards. We are often the first to go during layoffs and and the last to receive funding support for our projects.

Even if you do not work in public relations, if you’re a woman reading this, you probably share my sentiments about work. One Pew study found that 53 percent of women say they do not have any interest in being the boss. According to another Pew study, 47 percent of mothers said that their ideal situation would be to work part-time. I personally have no interest in working full-time and being a mother.

A ForbesWoman study found that out of all working women surveyed, 84 percent of working women say that they aspire to have the financial luxury to stay home to raise children. One in three women resent their partners for not earning enough to make that dream a reality. Forget about Sheryl Sandberg’s advice about “leaning in,” most working women actually want to opt out.

So what is a girl to do? Right now I’m applying to schools so that I can go into a career that is more flexible and less time-consuming. I’m looking forward to going back to school and getting a break from the cushy (read: boring) office for the next few years. I’m also going to spend more time finding work-life balance role models to follow, such as Penelope Trunk and Megan Basham.

What are your thoughts on office life? How are you finding work-life balance?

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Men Admit What We All Know: Career Women Suck

Career Woman
Career Woman
Having a powerful career will only make motherhood harder.

Manosphere blog Return of Kings published one of this week’s best articles, titled “Career Women Are Pretending To Be Men.”

The article simply states what all intelligent women already know–career women are terrible, sad misguided individuals who have been brainwashed to prioritize money over their families and children. Who wants to wait until they are 58 to have deformed special needs children? Answer: Career women. Who wants to wake up early to shuttle their infant children to overcrowded daycare centers? Career women. Who thinks they can stay young and fertile forever? Sadly, career women.

Luckily, manosphere writers frequently discuss the myth of the successful career woman. We have a special love of manosphere blogs here at Ladies Again because those are often one of the few places where men speak candidly about love, dating and marriage. Best of all, manosphere writers provide solid feedback that women can grow and learn from. While some of the articles are outlandish and obviously click-bait chum, many articles help feminine women learn more about the male psyche. At the core, manosphere websites agree with some of the same philosophies as blogs written by conservative and feminine writers in that they all argue that today’s “women’s movement” is actually just misandry.

Additionally, manosphere writers agree that the sexual revolution has created a raw deal for women by giving men more power to dictate the terms and conditions of sexual relationships (these men enjoy taking advantage of all of the easy sex). Thanks to feminism, traditional marriage and childbearing are out, while rampant promiscuity is more popular than ever. Thanks a lot feminist.

If you’re new to the manosphere concept, try reading the following articles to start:

Isn’t this snippet from Return of Kings the truth?

Men do not want to marry some tired-out late 30s bossy middle management troll, who’s only a few years shy of menopause and needs $50,000 of IVF treatments just to have a 3-month premature spawn. This is an abuse of technology that should be outlawed. The world is awash with starving children—how can any sane person force their body to have children under the current global circumstances, when they made a life choice to sacrifice their fertile years for a career?

If feminism wanted to do something positive for the world, it would have backed women to have real training from 16-20 in areas of childcare, homemaking and so forth, while encouraging men to knock up young hot wives and build families and communities. A couple of my female friends have diplomas in catering and hospitality and they do a damn fine job as homemakers.

As the man ages he’s less likely to stray, still having a young pretty wife and feeling comfortable in a solid family base, in which both partners are happy and the woman has plenty of time in her later years to find herself a suitable career and avoid the empty nest syndrome or empty call of cougardom. What’s more, her income would give the man the chance to spend more time at home when the kids are older, less childish, and more in need of male authority, as opposed to feminine supervision.

Feminism’s role in the decline

Feminism encourages women to throw away their best years slutting it up in university and some dead-end career she either fails at or winds up compromised in because of children. It demotivates men by watering down the workplace and universities, while giving them little incentive to be successful and build a family and community. There are natural laws that cannot be changed. Instead of trying to compete with men, feminism could have looked for solutions in which all parties win.

You cannot argue with the truth, and the manosphere is just articulating ideas that all traditional women know are true. And we thank them for saying what needs to be said.

Read next: Flexible Jobs for Women

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Feminist lies: The myth of gender equality and the working woman

Controversial blog post alert! The last article about my employment situation inspired a new blog topic the subject of which is the title of this post. I’m going to get straight to the point.

What is the Myth?

The myth is that in order for a woman to have any value, she must be gainfully employed. In fact, she should be earning an equal or exceeding income as that of a man.

Where did this Myth Originate?

All myths have origins, so where did this one start?

This myth, in my opinion, is the extension of a CREAMist* agenda. This surreptitious agenda seeks to redefine every part of human life through the lens of the almighty dollar.

While the feminists of the 1960’s fought for equality in the workforce, I do not believe that what Susan B. Anthony was fighting for was for women, who were not interested in or capable of working in positions comparable to those of their husbands or other males in their lives, to be ridiculed for the decision to work in more modest roles, or not at all. I do not believe that all of the 1960’s Civil Rights activists were fighting for the death of the housewife or cultural homogeneity.

I say this, because I come from a family where all of my siblings are college graduates. I have two sisters (a doctor and an engineer) and three brothers (a Physical Therapist, a Chemistry doctoral candidate and a Packaging Engineer). I enjoy writing. However, that does not seem to be an option in the eyes of my family. In their eyes, I should work a full-time job or two saving money towards taking time off to write or writing on weekends and/or evenings towards completing my dream novel.

Am I the ONLY one who sees the BACKWARDS nature of this thinking?

If I want to write, and writing in and of itself (creative writing) is and of itself a skill that adds value to society and should as a matter of fact should be worth money; why shouldn’t I be writing? Especially if it is something I love to do.

Why do I have to defend my decision to do what I love? Why should I defend my desire to be healthy and stress-free instead of risking stress-related illness like depression, anxiety, obesity and cardiovascular disease by slaving away in jobs I hate and working for people who want to wield their appointed authority as a means of expressing repressed aggression because of others who used their own authority to do the same to them in an endless pyramid of oppression?

When did it become a not only acceptable, but a requirement that if you want to live contrary to the dominant culture (the CREAMist culture) you MUST work twice as hard for the “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness” promised by the founding fathers of this country?

When did the mentality become “I’m working a job I hate so I can have three weeks of fun every year, so YOU should too. In fact, YOU BETTER do it, because if you don’t you will be considered a disgrace!”

Now a days, if a woman doesn’t make enough money, she suffers the threat of starvation, homelessness and ridicule. Even if she becomes a housewife or a stay-at-home mother, she stands the risk of being ridiculed or comparably, getting those patronizing comments such as: “Oh, you’re a sta35t796y-at-home-mom? That’s a full-time-job too!” *insert self-assured smile here*.

When did it become unacceptable for women to live the lives they want? When did families stop being supportive of women’s healthy lifestyle choices? When did society stop being supportive of women who choose stress and disease-free lifestyles?

Is this not it’s own form of oppression? Am I the only one who sees that when stripped of the option of a choice…a healthy alternative…the pin-striped pantsuit becomes a Western hijab?!

hijab2

*I will henceforth be using the term CREAMist to refer to what I believe is the current cash-supremicist society. The term CREAMist comes from rap lyrics made popular by the CASH Money Millionaires which says “Cash Rules Everything Around Me. CREAM makes the money. Dolla dolla bills y’all!”

 

Read Next: Flexible Jobs for Women

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