This is Why Feminists are Embarrassing

Photo by Zombie Time

I’m quite positive that if you interviewed most people on the street in a developed country, they would say they believe that women should have the full spectrum of civil and social equalities that are afforded to men. And yet, studies show that the majority of people are turned off by feminists. In CBS’ study of 1,150 U.S. adults, 65 percent of women and 58 percent of men identified as feminist when an equal-rights definition was provided, but only 24 percent of women and 14 percent of men considered themselves “feminist” in the absence of a definition.

I’m in the latter group―I would rather call myself an “antifeminist” or an “equality feminist” before I would ever identify as a “feminist.” Why? Because the latest generation of feminists has proven themselves to be nonsensical and hysterical in every way imaginable. They are fueling the public relations problem that is plaguing their cause. Here’s what’s wrong with our generation of feminists:

They Are Biodenialists

For years, some of the most vocal third-wave feminists have flat-out denied the existence of basic biological differences between men and men. They believe that, despite all scientific evidence to the contrary, gender is a concept created and enforced by society. Thus, they believe that infants are born with a psychological blank slate, and that gender roles are forced upon them. Their dismissal of evolutionary psychology flies in the face of physiology and evolutionary scientists (mind you, many of the world’s outspoken feminist leaders are neither scientists nor psychologists). For a list of evolutionary studies on sex differences, see “Giving Feminism a Bad Name” by Barry X. Kuhle.

Feminists are Misandrists

Photo of woman with cup.Feminists are obsessed with proving that men are rapists, sexual harassers and controlling oppressors. I’m not sure why they hate men so much. To prove that men are awful, they use inaccurate statistics about rape, workplace discrimination and sexual exploitation. They say: “Men are raping because of the rape culture!” Actually the number of rapes in the U.S. is falling every year. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), between 1997 and 2013, the rate of rape or sexual assault against women dropped by 50 percent. They say: “Women make 70 cents for every dollar that men make.” The 23-cent gender pay gap is simply the difference between the average earnings of all men and women working full-time, and it does not account for DIFFERENCES in occupations, positions, education, job tenure or hours worked per week. Women tend to work in low-paying jobs and in part-time positions; men tend to work in high-risk jobs, which offer higher pay.

Writer and scholar Christina Hoff Sommers summarized the misandry touted by feminists best when she said: “The idea that American men are annually enslaving more than 100,000 girls, sending millions of women to emergency rooms, sustaining a rape culture and cheating women out of their rightful salary creates rancor in true believers and disdain in those who would otherwise be sympathetic allies.”

Emotionally Unstable

“part of patriarchy”

Who would want to be associated with a group of loud, angry and masculine women who pout and whine about the smallest transgressions? Feminists are perpetually offended. I have personally never met an emotionally stable woman who identified as a feminist. They mobilize over petty issues because they have nothing better to do. They have done everything from shut down small-town coffeeshops, to chastised rocket scientists about their shirts, to picked on talented musical artists. One feminists remarked that she feels angry all the time. It would be great if feminists just moved to an island by themselves…and stayed there.

Contradictory and Hypocritical

Photo by Zombie Time
Photo by Zombie Time

Feminist ideals can be contradictory and confusing. Take for example their views on domestic violence. Feminists believe that gender is a social construct, yet a man is a horrible monster if he hits a woman because she is a a defenseless creature (even in instances when the woman provokes the man). What happened to the idea that a woman can do anything a man can do, even physically? One of the most obvious examples of the hypocrisy of feminists can be seen in the SlutWalks that they host in cities worldwide. First they demand that women are not objectified for their bodies in the media. Then they walk naked in SlutWalks, where they proclaim that they can be promiscuous and walk around naked if they chose to. They are contradictory even amongst themselves at these SlutWalks―some women say that it is disrespectful to call whorish women sluts, while others where their “slut” titles like badges of honor. Huh? I’m not the only one who is confused.

Photo by ZombieTime
Photo by ZombieTime

They Have Shallow Visions of Equality

According to feminists, equality has not been reached until there are equal numbers of men and women in important key positions. They want to see that half of Congress is female, half male; half of the Fortune 500 should be female, according to them. But what if women have no interest in taking those important positions, such as political or business leaders? After all, most women would not want to take on stressful jobs in finance, business, medicine or law that include long working hours that pull her away from her family. Also, has it ever occurred to them that men might naturally excel in some jobs in ways that women do not? Worse, why aren’t feminists upset that ALL industries are not more diverse, such as those that are dangerous and difficult, such as waste management, forestry, construction and law enforcement? Feminists only care about making sure that women are well-represented in cushy, high income jobs.

They Believe They Speak for ALL Women

Photo of Hillary ClintonFeminists believe that they speak for all women, as if we all support free birth control, abortion rights and special workplace privileges for women. We don’t. They typically lean left, and not all women share their liberal views about how the world should work.

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13 Reasons Why I’m Grateful for Strong Men

Job HA0276. February 2006. Fabrication of a new plastic coated bridge, which is being constructed alongside the motorway and will later be erected at Mount Pleasant, M6 motorway, near Junction 32, Lancashire north of Bilsborrow.

I love men for their strength and courage, and I think it’s unfortunate that so many of today’s mainstream bloggers and columnists seem obsessed with pointing out all of the things that men are doing wrong, such as promoting “rape culture,” objectifying women or refusing to “man up.” I am sick of seeing feminists depict men as simple-minded creatures who are only capable of raping and dominating poor and defenseless women.

Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr
A group of men built this. Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

If you listen to all of the anti-male rhetoric spewing out of Hillary Clinton or her online cult followers, it is easy to believe that the world would be better off if men were eliminated. The truth is that men contribute to society in profound ways. They build our roads, they build our homes, they fight to protect us in wars, they keep us safe. For instance, none of the 9/11 rescue workers were women.

I did not fully appreciate the contributions that men make to society until I took a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge in New York City. Putting my hand on the bridge, I could feel the power of the structure, and I wondered how many men risked their lives to build the bridge years ago. It turns out that between 20 to 50 men were estimated to have died from various causes while building the bridge―not a single women died, or even got injured, making the bridge. It’s easy to say that women did not make any any contributions to the development of the bridge because of historical workplace discrimination. That assumption is wrong―it has been more than 130 years since the Brooklyn Bridge first opened, and men are still taking on the riskiest jobs in the world. In the United States, more than 4,300 men died in 2014(pdf) at work, while only 359 women lost their lives at work that year. Men continue to take on the jobs women will not even consider, such as plumbing, carpentry, forestry, waste management and roofing.

Here are just a few of the ways that men contribute today to society:

100% of electrical power line installers are men.

100% of oil drill workers are men.

100% of heating, air conditioning and refrigeration mechanics are men.

100% of deep sea fishermen are men.

99% of coal miners are men.

99% of garbage collectors are men.

99% of roofers are men.

98% of metal fabricators are men.

97% of aircraft maintenance and service technicians are men.

95.5% of firefighters are men.

92% of construction workers are men.

88% of patrol officers are men.

Thanks to Staked In The Heart for sharing the statistics!

Read more: Why Meryl Streep Turned Her Back on Feminism

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Why Meryl Streep Turned Her Back on Feminism

21st Annual SAG Awards at the Shrine Auditorium Featuring: Meryl Streep Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 25 Jan 2015 Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com

In a recent interview, Meryl Streep was asked if she was a feminist and was quoted as saying, “I am a humanist. I am for nice, easy balance.” She is not the only high-profile female celebrity distancing herself from the controversial ideology of feminism. Susan Sarandon told The Guardian when asked about her affiliation with feminism, “I think of myself as a humanist, because I think it’s less alienating.” Other celebrities have made similar statements in recent times, and feminist extremists, in true form, have aggressively attacked these women for selling out an ideology that supposedly encourages woman’s right to choose. Apparently that right to choose does not include a right to choose your own opinions.

Meryl Streep dressed as a rock star looks sad
Streep in the 2015 movie Ricki & The Flash which realistically portrays the consequences of a woman who chooses a wild life over her family
Credit: Movieclips Trailers (youtube)

Although, I do not agree with a lot of what the online news source The Frisky says, I do agree with writer Rebecca Brink’s , statements on feminism:

“The feminist internet tends to imply that feminism is just a set of beliefs, not a way of behaving or a set of tactics…But no: Feminism is also a way of behaving, a way of living, and a set of tactics…This is true for any ideology or religion – if you want change, you can’t just have beliefs; the point is that you also act on them. This is why Gandhi fasted and Martin Luther King Jr. engaged in non-violence.”

 

Meryl Streep with Alec Bladwin and Steve Martin in movie it's complicated
Meryl Streep has played in her share of feminist propaganda films such as this 2009’s “It’s Complicated” about a high-powered woman who faces the dilemma of juggling a serious relationship and a secret affair with her ex-husband
photo credit: Universal studios

Feminism is an aggressive, unilateral movement, no matter how their supporters try to spin it. A movement towards what, though? Brink, Streep, Sarandon have all distanced themselves from this movement, because (as Brink points out in her article) modern feminism is full of bullying and power grabbing and most of the time does little if anything to support women who are most in need, such as impoverished or abused women. This includes women in third world countries, as well as homeless women and women in poverty here in America, military widows and orphans. Modern feminism lacks the compassion and substance of great successful movements of the past. Instead, it focuses on increasing unhealthy permissiveness for those who don’t need it, such as middle and upper class white women.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that middle- and upper-class white women have absolutely no problems deserving of sympathy. However, feminists are forgetting the ultimate impact that their policies have on society’s most vulnerable women. How do low-income women benefit from sexual promiscuity, abortions and male-hating rhetoric? If anything, those women are most in need of male support for their security and legacy in the world. There is no benefit to encouraging underprivileged women to reject the men in their lives when they need that dual income to raise children and support themselves and their families. There is not benefit in the sexual liberation of third world women who primarily need to be concerned with the personal health and welfare of themselves and their families. These are the issues of the feminist elite who are controlling the voice of the feminist movement right now. Fortunately, as Sarandon and Streep are displaying, many of these women are beginning to wise up to the consequences of this divisive and hazardous ideology.
Do you identify as a feminist? Why or why not?

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Four Major Issues Men Face

Teamster strike

I can’t help but feel that many so-called experts are wrong when they say that men are poor communicators…The problem today is that society is not listening to what men have to say if they do open up, at the same time, the risks for men in talking about these politically charged issues keep them silent, making it hard to glean the truth.” – Helen Smith author of Men on Strike

Helen Smith
Helen Smith

In her controversial book Men on Strike, psychologist (and female author) Helen Smith explores the anti-male challenges today’s men face in nearly every facet of the lives, thanks in part to the rise of misandristic policies created and supported by feminists. In the book, Smith argues that men are opting out of excelling in school, marrying, and starting their own families because society has devalued the number of incentives men used to enjoy for being responsible figures to their families and communities. Men now face an environment where they are vilified on college campus, punished harshly in family court and mocked ruthlessly as bumbling fools in film and television.

Book Takeaways

Smith argues that men face a number of major issues that are often overlooked by the mainstream (read: feminist-controlled) media and political sphere:

Lack of reproductive rights

In the United States, men do not have basic reproductive or paternity rights, and are often held responsible to contribute to child support for children who are not their biologically offspring (i.e., paternity fraud). During divorce proceedings, many divorce courts do not take account the wife’s infidelity. More than one million American men face what’s called paternity discrepancy, a phenomenon where men are unknowingly caring for children who were fathered by other men. When it comes to child support, men are more likely to be awarded support and more likely to pay more: According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2011, 32 percent of custodial fathers didn’t receive the child support that had been awarded to them, compared with 25.1 percent of custodial mothers. In 2011, America’s custodial fathers were owed a total of $1.7 billion and custodial mothers were owed $12.1 billion (…though single mothers outnumber single fathers 9 to 1).

Ostracization in schools

Males are failing school at an alarming rate. Boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school. Many experts say that the very nature of the schooling system is anti-male: Boys are likely to get into more trouble than girls because of their higher activity level. Physical activity is low in school because they spend too much time sitting and not enough time learning by doing, making and building things. “The culture of schools, especially for young children, is much more feminine than masculine,” said Joseph Tobin, professor of Early Childhood Education at Arizona State University and author of Good Guys Don’t Wear Hats. “There are almost no male early childhood educators. Many teachers of young children find boys’ interests in violence, gross things, and bodily functions to be boring or stupid.”

At the college level, women outnumber men in higher education with 56 percent of bachelor’s degrees and 55 percent of graduate degrees going to women. Men are often targeted on college campuses in unfair ways—men’s only groups are frowned upon and males must endure sexual harassment lectures and workshops where they are made to feel like predators. Title IX has drastically changed colleges by requiring schools with relatively few males to have fewer male teams.

Diminishing due process

If you follow the mainstream media, it appears sexual assault incidents have increased on college campuses. The truth is that colleges (pdf) have changed the way that they categorize rape to include all incidents where women engaged in sex while intoxicated (err…because only men can be held responsible when they are drunk?). College campuses are swiftly prosecuted sexual harassment claims so that they can continue to receive federal funding under Title IX of the Civil Rights Act, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. In 2011, Russlynn Ali, assistant secretary for Civil Rights at the Department of Education, circulated a Dear Colleague letter requesting that schools curtail due process rights of men accused of sexual harassment.

Lack of male spaces

As more women become students and join male-dominated industries, men have fewer and fewer places to bond with other men. Discrimination laws have essentially banned fraternal lodges, male-only clubs, boxing gyms and private male restaurants. Even within the home, men are often subjected to carving out their own personal spaces (i.e., man caves) free from their spouses and children. Garages, attics and basements have become designated spaces for men.

Book Downsides

First there were too many generalizations in the book. Much of the text included blog comments and informal responses from male speakers. I would have preferred that Smith include much more scientific research in the book to substantiate her claims that men are unfairly targeted by society. For example, we all know that men are asked to pay exorbitant amounts of child support every month, so it would have been nice if Smith include studies about child support payments in the U.S. To be fair, Smith mentioned in her book introduction that more research is needed on the subject of male discrimination.

Second, I disagreed with Smith on a number of points, the first being that men are subjected to unfair reproductive policies. The varying nature of reproductive rights between men and women can be explained by the differences in our biology. Women must bear the physical ramifications, risks and consequences for giving birth and having children, which explains why women enjoy more reproductive rights and privileges. It should be a woman’s choice if she chooses to have an abortion. That being said, I agree with Smith than men are unfairly held responsible for children once they are born—a woman can choose to give a child up for adoption without the father’s consent, while men do not have the same option.

I have a personal bone to pick with Smith’s recommendation that men make it a habit to test all of their children to establish paternity. Let’s not forget that not all paternity tests are accurate! In fact, paternity test results are notoriously unreliable, and blindly trusting those tests can have lifelong devastating consequences (see here). In my own family, an incorrect paternity test gave one of my relatives an excuse to walk out on his daughter nearly thirty years ago—how might everyone’s lives been impacted differently if a second “quality control” paternity test was taken?

Finally, Smith recommends that men move in with their girlfriends before they get married to test the relationship. We at Ladies Again know that that is a terrible idea—couples who live together before an engagement are more likely to experience poorer communication, lower levels of commitment to the relationship, and greater marital instability down the road. Multiple studies have shown that those who live with their partners before an engagement are less dedicated before, and even after, marriage.

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Why Modern Women are Miserable

Photo by Mark Nye via Flickr

In a way, the situation women wake up in today is more dire than the one of thirty years ago…Despite sweeping government programs, tens of billions of dollars in social spending, and massive social upheaval in the name of sexual equality, you have to glance through a newspaper or switch on the news to be subject to a litany of gloomy statistics about today’s women: We are more likely to be divorced or never married at all than women of previous generations.We are more likely to bear children out of wedlock. We are more likely to be junkies or drunks or to die in poverty. We are more likely to have an abortion or catch a sexually-transmitted disease. If we are mothers, even of infants and very small children, we are more likely to work at full-time jobs and still shoulder the bulk of housework as well.

Photo by Nathan Rupert via Flickr
Photo by Nathan Rupert via Flickr

Conservative commentator Danielle Crittenden made those observations more than 15 years ago in her book “What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman,” and every word expressed in the book rings as true then as it does now. In the book, Crittenden takes feminists to task, arguing that their aggressive push for complete equality in workplaces, bedrooms, marriages and the military has caused women to ignore critical gender differences between men and women that have shaped societal norms and rules for hundreds years. Radical feminist policies have created societies where women have more rights in the workplace, the voting booth and the bedroom, but have fewer opportunities to have children, faithful relationships with men and stable marriages.

WhatOurMothers book.What is unfortunate is that the book, which was published in 1999, can still be considered a fair and accurate critique of the dating and workplace issues women are struggling with now. If anything, relationships between men and women have downgraded further, which is evident with the growing popularity of the pick-up artist subculture that encourages men to have one-night stands with women and the explosion of anti-male sentiments that have led feminists to defend women who lied about being raped (see “Columbia Mattress Girl” and “UVA Liar”).

Crittenden argues that the unhappiness women experience today is the inevitable result of feminist ideologies that encourage young women to have sex indiscriminately with men (even though most women actually want committed relationships), teach women to think of marital dependency as oppressive and constricting (even though a great marriage must consist of two people fully committed to the relationship, not just two independent people living together) and tell women to reject full-time motherhood (even though full-time care is best for young children).

Trying to lead identical lives as men has made women miserable—particularly women who did not realize that they needed to spend their younger and fertile years wisely planning for marriage, and children. And Crittenden is right that gender differences need to be contemplated more—women are fertile for a significantly shorter time than men, women want to spend more time with their children and women age differently (i.e., a successful man is marriage material at any age, while a successful older women is not as desirable).

“What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us” changed my life by introducing me to traditional and conservative viewpoints on dating, marriage and childrearing. The book is my Red Pill. Before I read the text, I knew that I didn’t want to end up like some of my stressed out office colleagues, who worked long hours and frequently put their jobs before their own children. I also knew that I wanted nothing to do with the hookup culture of having casual sex with strangers—I knew that I wanted commitment. This book helped me to better understand the reasoning behind many of the fears and anxieties I felt about dating, marriage, divorce, aging and work. I highly recommend the book for anyone who wants to learn more about why the current dating market is not working.

Best Takeaways

  • “If young, attractive women offer no-strings-attached sex, then men will have no pressing reason to tie themselves down. This might be of little concern to a woman who is not yet ready to settle down, but sooner or later it will become of urgent concern.” (“What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us,” 43)
  • “All the sexual bravado a girl may possess evaporates the first time a boy she truly cares for makes it clear that he has no further use for her after his own body has been satisfied. No amount of feminist posturing, no amount of reassurances that she doesn’t need a guy like that anyway, can protect her from the pain and humiliation of those awful moments after he’s gone, when she’s alone and feeling not sexually empowered but discarded. It doesn’t take most women long to figure out that sexual liberty is not the same thing as sexual equality.” (31)
  • “If previous generations of women were raised to believe that they could only realize themselves within the roles of wife and mother, now the opposite is thought true: It’s only outside these roles that we are able to realize our full potential and worth as human beings…How often have you watched a TV show or seen a movie or read a novel in which a woman is celebrated for finding the courage “to be herself” by leaving a marriage or starting a new career or telling a boorish husband he’ll have to make his own dinner from now own? Her actions are not seen as selfish—or when they are, her selfishness is seen as payback for all the centuries of women’s selflessness and sacrifice to men.” (60-62)
  • “Elaborate rituals that used to govern relations between the sexes were based on the understanding that women, as child bearers, required the protection of society against men who might recklessly use and abandon them.” (42)
  • What a woman is aware of, at around the age of twenty-six or twenty-seven, is a growing, inchoate dissatisfaction, a yearning for more, even if her life is already quite full…She starts noticing the mothers all around her—especially young, attractive mothers—pushing strollers down the street, cooing at their babies in supermarkets, and loading up their shopping carts…Alas, it is usually at precisely this moment—when a single woman looks up from her work and realizes she’s ready to take on family life—that men make themselves most absent. This is when the cruelty of her singleness really sets in, when she becomes aware of the fine print in the unwritten bargain she has cut with the opposite sex. Men will outlast her. Men, particularly successful men, will be attractive and virile into their fifties. (66-67).
  • If we are not willing to do much for our husbands, we can hardly expect them to be willing to do much for us…The long-term surrender of their freedom, the unshrinking shouldering of the financial burdens of a family—the sacrifices they used to make in exchange for a woman’s agreement to run the home—are sacrifices fewer men are willing to make. Women have gained the right to move into all spheres of society; men, from their point of view, have only lost their right to domestic comfort. (94)
  • By encouraging men and women to strive for this sort of precise equality within marriage, we have left women and their children much more vulnerable to the whims of their husbands than ever before. The protections the law once afforded to women who made economic sacrifices for their families no longer exist. They were abolished when we rewrote the divorce law in the name of sexual equality. (98)
  • It will be even tougher for a woman to take time out from her job to stay home with her kids if, before giving birth, she’s been especially adamant about the fairness and equality of her marriage. Asking her husband to shoulder the whole burden of being the breadwinner will not necessarily strike him as “fair” or “equal.” (100)
  • This loss of faith in marriage explains why my generation may be so zealous about making sure their marriages are so equal: A modern couple’s desire to keep their arrangement strictly balanced, at all levels, is actually a way of protecting each partner’s self-interest in the event that the marriage dissolves. (104)
  • Of course, no woman should cease to be loved simply because she is old. But a society that refuses to acknowledge that age touches women very differently from the way it touches men—a society that shrugs as good enough marriages are dissolved after twenty or thirty years—is a society condemning millions of women to loneliness.” (153).
  • It may not be so ironic then, that the happiest memoirs among the elders of the women’s movement are by those who led the most conventionally female lives…Betty Friedan takes enormous pleasure in watching her own children become parents and in being a grandmother…Meanwhile, Gloria Steinem, alone in her fifties, devotes herself to writing a book about finding self-esteem. (160)

Downsides

Crittenden writes much of the book in a broad narrative style that includes many generalizations about women. Though, as a young woman who is in her twenties, I know much of Crittenden’s observations to be true, it would be nice if she included statistical data to back up many of her claims. For example, when talking about working mothers, she writes, “Yet whether you work because you want to or because you have to, the outcome for women is the same—the nagging, underlying worry that what you are doing is hurting those you love most.” It would have been nice in that instance to read about findings from a study on the guilt or anxiety working mothers may feel.

Overall Opinion

The book sparked my interest in the Red Pill/manosphere subculture because it encouraged me to accept my own womanly inclinations. It’s why I can now recite 20 facts about sex and dating that feminists don’t want you to know. I stopped ignoring and dismissing my desire to get married and have children, and I stopped putting my career on such a high pedestal. I highly recommend the book and I plan to give copies to young women in my family and social circle.

Now, I encourage others to do their part to build and support feminine, family-oriented women. What are you doing to help teach young ladies about traditional family values? Start working to change the tide today by sharing helpful information with impressionable women:

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Nonnegotiables for Feminine Women

Couple Moving In

Authors Suzanne Venker and Phyllis Schlafly argue a good case for political conservatism in “The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know―and Men Can’t Say,” a book that explores the ways that feminism has negatively affected American politics, culture and society. According to the authors, feminism, at its core, is about power for the liberal left. Liberal power elites in the U.S. do not want equality because they want a matriarchy instead. “Flipside” authors argue that powerful feminists are using their power in media, politics, education and entertainment to convince others that women are being oppressed, marriage and motherhood are outdated and unnecessary and that gender roles are irrelevant.

Flipside Book
Flipside Book

The book explores topics typically undermined or wholly ignored by feminists, such as the physical and emotional consequences of casual sex, the impacts of divorce on children, the stress of balancing a family and a high-power career and the relationship between age and fertility. The authors argue that women need to be more conservative in their approach to family life and career selection.

They argue that women need to adopt three critical nonnegotiables to their life planning strategy (excerpted from the book):

  1. Casual sex is a dead-end street, and cohabitation does not lead to a successful marriage.
  2. Marriage is the ultimate goal, and divorce should not be assumed to be an option.
  3. Children need, deserve, and want to be raised by their own parents, who are married to each other.

Best Takeaways

  • “Feminists have been successful in getting the majority of Americans to believe that millions of women in the 1950s all realized simultaneously that they were ‘entitled’ to a life outside the home and then expressed this desire only to encounter discrimination at every turn. What was really happening was that technological advances were producing so many labor-saving devices, such as dishwashers and dryers, that women didn’t have to spend as much time on household chores…Women began entering the workforce―and they did so without feminism.” (35)
  • “The truth is that feminism has been the single worst thing that has happened to American women. It did not liberate women at all―it confused them…Their female nature tells them sex requires love; marriage is important; children are a blessing; and men are necessary. The culture, meanwhile, tells them to sleep around and postpone family life because that will cost them their identity. (55)
  • “One reason women are confused about sex is that they’re constantly barraged with politically correct images of men and women hooking up indiscriminately, under the promise that such behavior is empowering to women. They never see the fallout of such behavior.” (63)
  • “Married couples no longer think of themselves as one unit but as separate entities sharing space, which leads to an obscuring of gender roles and inevitable conflict as each spouse focuses solely on his or her own needs rather than the needs of the marriage.” (75)
  • “Any story that portrays women as victims, or portrays women in search of their identity in the absences of a husband and children, is a shoo-in for mainstream media publicity.” (83)
  • “The inconvenient truth is that many careers do not offer women the flexibility they want. If you plan to be a doctor, lawyer, or business executive, your family life will suffer―period. The men and women who pursued these foals have paid a big price for their achievement in the long hours they must commit to their careers.” (116)
    “Disregarding a man’s work ethic and work prospects means women may be forced to remain in the workforce to keep the family afloat―and many will come to regret this.” (117)
CoupleMovingIn
This couple is making a mistake if they move in before marriage.

Downsides

The book gave good advice for single women looking for a husband, but it did not include suggestions on how to stop elite feminists from shaping politics and the news media. Where should conservative women go to for unbiased news information? Which political leaders are helping traditional- and family-oriented women?

Overall Opinion

The book is a good read for readers who are new to the traditional women/anti-feminist book world. The book is highly recommended.

Read next: Why Modern Women are Miserable

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20 Facts about Sex Feminists Don’t Want You To Know

Women smiling

I just returned from a three-week tour of Central America. While there, I joined members of my group tour in going out to dinner in Rio Dulce, a bay city in Guatemala. At dinner, I had the pleasure of getting to know a young Australian woman,19 years old, on the trip who seemed to have sex, dating and marriage all figured out. She was tall and naturally beautiful, with long brown hair that extended down her back. Despite her young age, she decided that marriage was bullshit and unnecessary (she thought of marriage as a relic from old history), that men actually like opinionated and strong women, and that it was okay to sleep around while you are figuring out life. She was loud, masculine and opinionated; a middle school boy’s fantasy tomboy come to life.

We were both fresh out of failed long-term relationships. She broke up with her boyfriend so she could be free to travel, and I broke up with my long-term boyfriend because he refused to get married. As I sat at the table trying to explain my newfound desires to get married and have children, she shook her head, saying “Life is for living! Don’t be so rigid!”As she spoke, some of the men at the table nodded in agreement. They wanted to enjoy their youth too by hooking up, experimenting and traveling. Nearly everyone at the table (besides the one couple in our group) said that they wanted to settle down and get married in their late thirties or early forties. When they were ready, of course.

I was the odd woman out at the table trying to share some of the knowledge about dating and relationships I learned over the past few years. Knowledge about the declining fertility and beauty of women and about the emotional baggage of useless hookups. But the young Australian did not want to hear it. Eventually, I gave up after I realized that the differences between us―at 26 years old, I was at an age where I am beginning to see the physical consequences of casual sex and careless living.

I have felt the sadness of causal empty sex with hookups and the resulting loneliness. I have friends who are already single parents, unmarried friends who are stuck in rental leases with ex-partners they despise and relatives on the verge of divorce (I myself am actually the product of careless hookup sex―my father was married to another woman when I was born and I am just three months older than one of my brothers). Worst of all, I have female friends over the age of 35 who may have missed their opportunity to get married because they spent their entire youth (when they were at their sexual peak) working overtime at the office to get ahead. These women are the most regretful people I have ever met.

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But to the young Australian, life was for the taking. She is beautiful and her career is on the way up. If she is getting everything she wants now and a constant stream of compliments from men, why should she need to think that someday men will stop finding her attractive? Or that the men at the table will have the opportunity to pick up family life and marriage any time they want (usually with younger women), but that she will not have those options if she waits too long? I dropped the topic because I realized that I was wasting my time.

I also realized with shocking horror that I was talking in real-time to my past self. The Australian girl was me! When I was 19, I would not have listened to my blabbing about fertility and marriage either. Why, I had a career to pursue! There were other women at the table from Western countries (the U.K., Germany, the Netherlands) who shared the young Australian’s sentiments―that marriage was oppressive and restricting, that having a family was not everything and that a woman’s independence and career should come first. I felt sickened at that moment with feminism’s ability to to defy not just logic but also geographical barriers. That flawed ideology has spread across the world, infecting young women by tricking them into believing that they can have everything―the loyal, attractive husband, the high-flying career, loving and stable children―all without having to lose anything in return, like fertility, independence or femininity. Lies! All of it lies!

If I could go back to my younger self, I would share all of the facts that paint a different picture about female independence, love and marriage:

Fertility is More Relevant Than Your Bullshit Career

  • After 25, female fertility slowly drops off. After 30, the decline in fertility begins to hasten. By 35, difficulty in conceiving children is commonplace and accounts for the boom in fertility clinics. By 40 you are playing Russian roulette.
  • One in five men who remarry wed a woman at least 10 years their junior, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census data. By contrast, only one in 20 men on their first marriage pair up with someone that young.
  • While 80 percent of men in their first marriages have spouses within five years of their age, that share drops to 57 percent by the second marriage.
  • Men across the age spectrum have a sexual preference for women in their mid-20s. This remains true for men of all ages—men in their early-20s or younger are attracted to women older than themselves and older men are attracted to younger women.

Hookup Sex is Terrible

  • In one study, among participants who were asked to characterize the morning after a hookup, 82 percent of men and 57 percent of women were generally glad they had done it. Forty-three percent of women regretted it! [Thanks to Hooking Up Smart for finding the statistics]
  • In a sample of 507 undergraduate students, more women than men hoped that a relationship would develop following a hookup. Only 4.4 percent of men and 8.2 percent of women (6.45 percent of participants) expected a traditional romantic relationship as an outcome, while 29 percent of men and 42.9 percent of women (36.57 percent of participants) ideally wanted such an outcome (Garcia & Reiber, 2008).
  • Twelve percent of women say that it is sometimes easier to have sex with a guy they don’t know than to make conversation (Glenn, Norval and Marquardt, Elizabeth, 2001).
  • In a study of 832 college students, 26 percent of women and 50 percent of men reported feeling positive after a hookup, and 49 percent of women and 26 percent of men reported a negative reaction.
  • In a qualitative study that asked 187 participants to report their feelings after a typical hookup, 35 percent reported feeling regretful or disappointed, 27 percent good or happy, 20 percent satisfied, 11 percent confused, 9 percent proud, 7 percent excited or nervous, 5 percent uncomfortable, and 2 percent desirable or wanted (Paul & Hayes, 2002).
  • In a large Web-based study of 1,468 undergraduate students, participants reported a variety of consequences: 27.1 percent felt embarrassed, 24.7 percent reported emotional difficulties, 20.8 percent experienced loss of respect, and 10 percent reported difficulties with a steady partner (Lewis et al., 2011).
  • In another recent study conducted on a sample of 200 undergraduate students in Canada, 78 percent of women and 72 percent of men who had uncommitted sex (including vaginal, anal, and/or oral sex) reported a history of experiencing regret following such an encounter (Fisher et al., 2012).
  • In a study of 270 sexually active college-age students, 72 percent regretted at least one instance of previous sexual activity (Oswalt, Cameron, & Koob, 2005).
  • In a report of 152 female undergraduate students, 74 percent had either a few or some regrets from uncommitted sex: 61 percent had a few regrets, 23 percent had no regrets, 13 percent had some regrets and 3 percent had many regrets (Eshbaugh & Gute, 2008).
  • In a study of 140 (109 female, 31 male) first-semester undergraduates, women, but not men, who had engaged in intercourse during a hookup showed higher rates of mental distress (Fielder & Carey, 2010).

He Does Not Like You Just Because He Has Sex with You

  • He is going to ejaculate, whether he likes you or not: Men reached orgasm more often than women. In first-time hookups, 31 percent of men and 10 percent of women reached orgasm; in last relationship sexual activity, 85 percent of men and 68 percent of women reached orgasm.
  • Armstrong, England and Fogarty (2009) addressed sexual satisfaction in a large study of online survey responses from 12,295 undergraduates from 17 different colleges. Participants were asked about oral sex rates and orgasm in their most recent hookup and most recent relationship sexual event. In this study, men reported receiving oral sex both in hookups and in relationships much more than women.
  • In first-time hookups that involved oral sex, 55 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 19 percent only women receiving oral sex, and 27 percent both mutually receiving; in last relationship sexual activity, 32 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 16 percent included only women receiving oral sex, and 52 percent included both mutually receiving.

Independent Women are Lonely Women

  • People with higher numbers of past sexual partners were more likely to form hookups, and to report lower relationship quality. Through the acquisition of partners they begin to favor short-term relationships and find the long-term ones less rewarding. (Paik)
  • A third of unmarried women have not had sex in the past year, compared with less about a quarter of the men. About 20 percent of single women have sex two or more times per week.

Your Career is Not Everything

  • According to Pew, a strong majority of working moms (62%) would rather work part time; a job situation enjoyed by just 26% of working mothers. Over a decade ago, just 48% of working mothers said a part-time job would be ideal.
  • Fully 79% of working fathers prefer to work full time, while just 21% say part-time employment would be ideal

Divorce is a Mistake

  • You can get the divorce if you want to, but there are consequences. Fully 64 percent of divorced or widowed men have remarried, compared with 52 percent of previously married women. (Pew)

In closing, here’s great advice from blogger Susan Walsh that I learned the hard way:

“When a man shows interest he won’t know right away whether you go into the short-term box or the long-term box. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, being very selective about sex is one way of ensuring you’re perceived as potential [long-term relationship] material. Signaling your willingness to have sex immediately with a man you just met says that you are not particularly selective, so there is nothing special about this man. You’re also signaling that there is nothing very special about sex. It’s the fastest route to “one and done.”

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Why Is My Doctor Pushing Birth Control on Me?

Photo by Pexels
Photo by Pexels
Photo by Pexels

I hate going to the doctor’s, but I dragged myself to see a doctor last week to check out a rash (it was harmless) and get an annual physical exam. As usual, the doctor I went to see spent a few minutes trying to convince me to go on birth control. I refused for a litany of reasons, the first being that I do not see the benefits of permanently altering my hormones when I’m not in a relationship or sexually active. I explained to the doctor that I tried birth control in the past, and I ended up with persistent acne as a result.

She shrugged slightly (who cares about having severe acne right?) and said that I didn’t need to take hormonal birth control because there are other options. She then, trying to further convince me to go on the Pill, asked me what I would do if I found out I was pregnant in the next year. I said that it would be great, seeing as though I’m already 27 years old and my eggs are going to go bad in a few years. Then she stopped pestering me about the Pill.

I always thought it was strange that doctors have tried to convince me to get on birth control, but I didn’t understand how bizarre it was until I reviewed my medical bill and saw that the doctor listed our birth control conversation as a medical service!

The bill said:
You Were Diagnosed with: Encounter for contraceptive surveillance

At no point did I ask to have a birth control conversation with my doctor. Why did the office bill my insurance company for that conversation? What in the world is going on? How does a doctor benefit from convincing a woman to go on birth control? Blood clots have been linked to hormonal birth control pills, not to mention strokes, heart attacks and high blood pressure as potential side effects. I remember having mood swings when I took birth control. It turns out that I wasn’t imaging things. Birth control has been shown to cause depression in those who are prone to it.

What’s worse is that hormonal birth control can impact your ability to attract and connect with the right partner. A study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science followed 118 couples who met while the woman was on hormonal birth control and found that going off the pill could impact how attracted she was to her partner. Why would a doctor want to push a drug that causes all of these side effects on a young woman? And why wouldn’t the doctor begin the conversation by talking about the very serious risks of taking birth control?

Because they are probably getting paid to do so (see Government Will Withhold One-Third of the Records from Database of Physician Payments).

Or. the doctors are just incredibly liberal. Family practice medical practitioners tend to have liberal ideologies (see the graphic), and nonprofit doctors are more likely to support Democrats. After all, the birth control Nazi doctor is located at a non-profit women’s clinic in a low-income neighborhood. In San Francisco, Calif. Yeah, I shouldn’t really be shocked by her behavior…

I’ve also noticed that it is only the female doctors that try to push birth control on me, never any male doctors. It could be that the female doctors are hard-line-career-driven-pants-pushers and they are not able to fathom having children willy nilly. Perhaps they relied on birth control to make sure they finished medical school without getting pregnant. So, they are then trying to push their same “work first, love second” ideology on me.

Ultimately, their behavior is offensive on several levels:

  • First, they are assuming that I am having reckless or premarital sex. Contraception makes it easier to have sex outside marriage. By pushing birth control, the doctor is trying her best to support what is essentially immoral behavior.
  • Second, doctors are also assuming that I am interested in putting a harmful substance into my body without taking a second thought.
  • Finally, birth control prevents potential human beings from being conceived, which I may think is morally wrong.

Next time I go to in for a doctor’s visit, I’m going to watch my back.

Read more: 13 Reasons Why I’m Grateful for Strong Men

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Feminist lies: The myth of gender equality and the working woman

Controversial blog post alert! The last article about my employment situation inspired a new blog topic the subject of which is the title of this post. I’m going to get straight to the point.

What is the Myth?

The myth is that in order for a woman to have any value, she must be gainfully employed. In fact, she should be earning an equal or exceeding income as that of a man.

Where did this Myth Originate?

All myths have origins, so where did this one start?

This myth, in my opinion, is the extension of a CREAMist* agenda. This surreptitious agenda seeks to redefine every part of human life through the lens of the almighty dollar.

While the feminists of the 1960’s fought for equality in the workforce, I do not believe that what Susan B. Anthony was fighting for was for women, who were not interested in or capable of working in positions comparable to those of their husbands or other males in their lives, to be ridiculed for the decision to work in more modest roles, or not at all. I do not believe that all of the 1960’s Civil Rights activists were fighting for the death of the housewife or cultural homogeneity.

I say this, because I come from a family where all of my siblings are college graduates. I have two sisters (a doctor and an engineer) and three brothers (a Physical Therapist, a Chemistry doctoral candidate and a Packaging Engineer). I enjoy writing. However, that does not seem to be an option in the eyes of my family. In their eyes, I should work a full-time job or two saving money towards taking time off to write or writing on weekends and/or evenings towards completing my dream novel.

Am I the ONLY one who sees the BACKWARDS nature of this thinking?

If I want to write, and writing in and of itself (creative writing) is and of itself a skill that adds value to society and should as a matter of fact should be worth money; why shouldn’t I be writing? Especially if it is something I love to do.

Why do I have to defend my decision to do what I love? Why should I defend my desire to be healthy and stress-free instead of risking stress-related illness like depression, anxiety, obesity and cardiovascular disease by slaving away in jobs I hate and working for people who want to wield their appointed authority as a means of expressing repressed aggression because of others who used their own authority to do the same to them in an endless pyramid of oppression?

When did it become a not only acceptable, but a requirement that if you want to live contrary to the dominant culture (the CREAMist culture) you MUST work twice as hard for the “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness” promised by the founding fathers of this country?

When did the mentality become “I’m working a job I hate so I can have three weeks of fun every year, so YOU should too. In fact, YOU BETTER do it, because if you don’t you will be considered a disgrace!”

Now a days, if a woman doesn’t make enough money, she suffers the threat of starvation, homelessness and ridicule. Even if she becomes a housewife or a stay-at-home mother, she stands the risk of being ridiculed or comparably, getting those patronizing comments such as: “Oh, you’re a sta35t796y-at-home-mom? That’s a full-time-job too!” *insert self-assured smile here*.

When did it become unacceptable for women to live the lives they want? When did families stop being supportive of women’s healthy lifestyle choices? When did society stop being supportive of women who choose stress and disease-free lifestyles?

Is this not it’s own form of oppression? Am I the only one who sees that when stripped of the option of a choice…a healthy alternative…the pin-striped pantsuit becomes a Western hijab?!

hijab2

*I will henceforth be using the term CREAMist to refer to what I believe is the current cash-supremicist society. The term CREAMist comes from rap lyrics made popular by the CASH Money Millionaires which says “Cash Rules Everything Around Me. CREAM makes the money. Dolla dolla bills y’all!”

 

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A Dream Deferred: Why I Decided to Become a “Lady Again”

I don’t remember when I stopped dreaming, but I remember that I used to dream. I specifically remember a time (pre-high school) when I would lie on a couch in my family’s basement in Washington, DC in the 1990’s and fantasize about married life.

I would dream of the perfect family, a husband who loved me and was generous with hugs and kisses; happy and obedient children and dinners around the dining room table. I’m not sure how common dreams like these were for children growing up in the (then) murder capital of the world. I don’t even know where those dreams came from considering that my family was nothing like that. They must have come from Full House, the Cosby show or any of the other gratuitous amounts of television shows I would watch at every free moment I possessed.

Who am I?

On this blog, I go by “African Femininity”. This is because I hope to blog regularly from an African perspective regarding issues of femininity. This was a natural choice for me, because I am a first generation American-born Nigerian which means I was raised in a household utilizing selective values from both traditions. Obviously, this left me irreparably conflicted about what exactly femininity is supposed to look like. For this reason, on my blogging adventures here on “Ladies Again” I hope to focus a lot on reconciling these cultural, traditional and societal conflicts within myself.

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marilyn monroe

Why I decided to Become a “Lady Again”.

When my friend “Lilac Blue” introduced me to the idea of this blog after a spirited discussion about the rise of a confusing sort of feminism in today’s society and the loss of the feminine identity, I was immediately sold. After all, I’m a 30 year old, unmarried and chronically single, underemployed “boomerang child” who is waiting for her “career to take off” (i.e dream job, high income, zero debt) before she can begin her “real life” (i.e. married life with white picket fence and 2.5 kids). In short, I feel like a grown a$$ woman whose teenage identity crisis lasted way too long! What better way to “find myself” than to join a blog with that very focus. So, here I am, joining the hoards of millennial 15-minute-fame-seekers in their weapon of choice except, without the promise of recognition due to intentional anonymity.

I believe there are benefits to anonymity on the internet. I think that because of the anonymity of this blog, I will be able to be much more open, raw and uninhibited. For this reason, I believe we will be able to give more of ourselves without as much pretense or pandering. Which (as you will soon see) speaks, to a certain degree, in the direction of my views on femininity.

What does Becoming a “Lady Again” mean to me?

This is a difficult question to answer, honestly. I hope to talk about several different topics on this blog. Sometimes, I intend to do strictly opinion pieces about my views on certain hot topics. However, I also hope to offer a window into some of my personal struggles as well. Such as:

  • Weight loss and image issues
  • Dating
  • Career
  • My Personal Mission to Become a World Traveler and/or Travel (at all)
  • Christianity

Ultimately, though, I guess becoming a “lady again” means, to me, reclaiming womanhood. Now-a-days, I think that anyone who claims to know definitively what womanhood is must either be delusional or selling something. After all, the LGBTQ community along with the universal merger of the international community (i.e. the blurring of cultural border lines) turns asserting any one definition into a highly controversial and even offensive act.

Gone are the days when we could define a woman by the clothes she wore, the role she played in society or even her biological attributes. So, for this reason, I hesitate to expound on what becoming a “lady again” means to me. The answer is in part that I hope to discover the answer through involvement with this blog. However, there is a strong yet dormant part of me that whispers the answer daily to my soul. That part has a definite vision of what I hope to become by the end of this journey which (at this time) I envision ending with me breast-feeding my 2.5th child as my protective husband gives me a loving peck on the neck. Perhaps Lilac hopes her story concludes differently, but this is mine and whether or not you agree, I hope you can respect the fact that this is a conversation worth having out loud. So that at least some of us can rest peacefully in the security of our version of womanhood.

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