Last year, I swallowed the Red Pill and decided to do all that I could to become a much more feminine and attractive woman. As part of my commitment to reinvent myself, I swore that I would make dating a bigger priority in my life. These are my Red Pill Dating Diaries.
I’ve been on a number of dates in the past year, searching for a goal-oriented and honest person in my age range that I can connect with on a romantic level. For the most part, dating has been a pretty straight-forward process―I meet people for dinner or a walk around the city, we speak for an hour or two and then we decide if we’d like to spend more time with each other. But sometimes, the date makes me so uncomfortable that I try to find ways to speed up the process so that I can go home, where it is safe and quiet. How uncomfortable is uncomfortable? Well, I can think back to a number of first dates where I was not sure if the person showered that week. Their hygiene game was on level zero. These were true grizzly men.
I met Grizzly Man #1 through OKCupid. I want to get to know the person that I’m dating over the phone first (because, well, he might be crazy! Or, alternatively, I may be a bad personality match for him also). We talked on the phone and texted for a few weeks prior to our date. We decided to keep our first date simple and just limit our activity to walking around the Golden Gate Park, a massive urban park in San Francisco. I got there first, and when I saw him approach the bench I was sitting on, I knew that I made a mistake agreeing to the first date.
From a distance, he was wearing green sweatpants and a red sweatshirt that was two sizes too small for him (and was showcasing his burgeoning beer belly). His hair was disheveled. As he got closer, I saw that his hair was very slick and oily. Then, I leaned in to give him a hug, and I smelled actual musk. I wondered: When did he shower last? And why would a person show up to a date smelly and disheveled? I could feel the disappointment welling up in my chest. I enjoyed talking to him on the phone, but could not feel attracted to someone who did not take care of themselves properly.
I wanted out. I began to convince myself that maybe he showed up smelly to the date because he did not want me to like him. Like, maybe he found another woman he liked more, but didn’t have the heart to cancel our date. Yes, that’s what’s it is! Just as I was starting to believe my own theory, Grizzy Man #1 kept asking me questions about the qualities that I’m looking for in a potential spouse. I answered his questions, and then he would try to convince me that he met all of those qualities. Then he kept complimenting me about how attractive I was. Oh shoot! The smelly guy thinks he has a chance. As we walked around the park, several concertgoers―who were just exiting a large outdoor concert also taking place in the park―decided to pee in the bushes that lined the sidewalk. So, unabashed public urination happened on a date with smelly Grizzly #1. How fitting.
I met Grizzly #2 through the app Coffee Meets Bagel. We talked on the phone prior to meeting, and I had already decided that we might not hit it off in person. This was because he talked entirely too much. It took him several minutes to answer basic questions about his background. But, he did have an interesting job in science, so I was intrigued by some of the research he was conducting. So we decided to meet. But then, the public train was delayed and I ended up being 45 minutes late to our date. I felt awful, and just wanted to run home from embarrassment. When I arrived at the bar (which was having a trivia night), he was waiting outside. I apologized, and decided to put my best foot forward on this date, since I screwed up by being late. I gave him a hug upon first meeting him, and I smelled a slight whiff of musky underarms. No problem, I thought, he was waiting a while so maybe he was just nervous.
We sat across from each other and played a card game, a game that he was taking too seriously. We talked and chatted, and he still talked too much, but he had strong opinions, so I kicked back and let him ramble. After playing the game for a while in the loud bar, we decided to get food at a quiet spot. By the time we got to the restaurant, his body odor was on full alert! How could a person decide to forgo wearing deodorant on a first date? But then again, I tried to quell my judgmental attitude because I was wrong for being so late to the date. So I plastered on a phony grin through the meal. After the dinner we walked back toward the train and he kept putting his hand on lower part of my back, apparently in an attempt to feign closeness. I just wanted to grab a can of air freshener and douse his body in it. He asked me if he could kiss me. I said no…a little too quickly. I backed-tracked by saying that I didn’t kiss on the first date.
Later that night, Grizzly #2 texted me goodnight and asked if he could meet up again. I said okay, because I felt bad for two reasons: first, that I may have made him feel bad by being late on the date, and second, that he seemed to be falling for me, and yet was oblivious to how he smelled. I began to rationalize―maybe I made him nervous, so I don’t want to dismiss him so early. Plus he was great to talk to. Maybe the attraction can come later.
I went on a second date with Grizzly #2 and he was just as smelly as before. And he was more obnoxiously opinionated than I remember him being before. I told him on the date that I just wanted to be friends, though that was a lie.
Normally, at the end of my articles on my dates, I add a section on lessons that I’ve learned from the dating process. But, I’m not sure what the lesson was from these dates. Was there a way that I could have discerned from my screening phone calls that my online dates lacked basic hygiene habits? Perhaps one of major the downfalls of online dating is that you do not have any contextual background information on the people that you are meeting online. If I had worked or volunteered with the two Grizzlies, I might have known that they do not care about their hygiene, but since we met online, I would have only learned about them after we met in person.
What are your online dating tactics? How would you handle a date with one of the Grizzlies? Like what you see here? Subscribe for the latest from Ladies Again.