One Date a Week: Shower First

One Date a Week

Last year, I swallowed the Red Pill and decided to do all that I could to become a much more feminine and attractive woman. As part of my commitment to reinvent myself, I swore that I would make dating a bigger priority in my life. These are my Red Pill Dating Diaries.

Woman with smartphone.
Photo by Pexels.

I’ve been on a number of dates in the past year, searching for a goal-oriented and honest person in my age range that I can connect with on a romantic level. For the most part, dating has been a pretty straight-forward process―I meet people for dinner or a walk around the city, we speak for an hour or two and then we decide if we’d like to spend more time with each other. But sometimes, the date makes me so uncomfortable that I try to find ways to speed up the process so that I can go home, where it is safe and quiet. How uncomfortable is uncomfortable? Well, I can think back to a number of first dates where I was not sure if the person showered that week. Their hygiene game was on level zero. These were true grizzly men.

I met Grizzly Man #1 through OKCupid. I want to get to know the person that I’m dating over the phone first (because, well, he might be crazy! Or, alternatively, I may be a bad personality match for him also). We talked on the phone and texted for a few weeks prior to our date. We decided to keep our first date simple and just limit our activity to walking around the Golden Gate Park, a massive urban park in San Francisco. I got there first, and when I saw him approach the bench I was sitting on, I knew that I made a mistake agreeing to the first date.

From a distance, he was wearing green sweatpants and a red sweatshirt that was two sizes too small for him (and was showcasing his burgeoning beer belly). His hair was disheveled. As he got closer, I saw that his hair was very slick and oily. Then, I leaned in to give him a hug, and I smelled actual musk. I wondered: When did he shower last? And why would a person show up to a date smelly and disheveled? I could feel the disappointment welling up in my chest. I enjoyed talking to him on the phone, but could not feel attracted to someone who did not take care of themselves properly.

I wanted out. I began to convince myself that maybe he showed up smelly to the date because he did not want me to like him. Like, maybe he found another woman he liked more, but didn’t have the heart to cancel our date. Yes, that’s what’s it is! Just as I was starting to believe my own theory, Grizzy Man #1 kept asking me questions about the qualities that I’m looking for in a potential spouse. I answered his questions, and then he would try to convince me that he met all of those qualities. Then he kept complimenting me about how attractive I was. Oh shoot! The smelly guy thinks he has a chance. As we walked around the park, several concertgoers―who were just exiting a large outdoor concert also taking place in the park―decided to pee in the bushes that lined the sidewalk. So, unabashed public urination happened on a date with smelly Grizzly #1. How fitting.

I met Grizzly #2 through the app Coffee Meets Bagel. We talked on the phone prior to meeting, and I had already decided that we might not hit it off in person. This was because he talked entirely too much. It took him several minutes to answer basic questions about his background. But, he did have an interesting job in science, so I was intrigued by some of the research he was conducting. So we decided to meet. But then, the public train was delayed and I ended up being 45 minutes late to our date. I felt awful, and just wanted to run home from embarrassment. When I arrived at the bar (which was having a trivia night), he was waiting outside. I apologized, and decided to put my best foot forward on this date, since I screwed up by being late. I gave him a hug upon first meeting him, and I smelled a slight whiff of musky underarms. No problem, I thought, he was waiting a while so maybe he was just nervous.

We sat across from each other and played a card game, a game that he was taking too seriously. We talked and chatted, and he still talked too much, but he had strong opinions, so I kicked back and let him ramble. After playing the game for a while in the loud bar, we decided to get food at a quiet spot. By the time we got to the restaurant, his body odor was on full alert! How could a person decide to forgo wearing deodorant on a first date? But then again, I tried to quell my judgmental attitude because I was wrong for being so late to the date. So I plastered on a phony grin through the meal. After the dinner we walked back toward the train and he kept putting his hand on lower part of my back, apparently in an attempt to feign closeness. I just wanted to grab a can of air freshener and douse his body in it. He asked me if he could kiss me. I said no…a little too quickly. I backed-tracked by saying that I didn’t kiss on the first date.

Later that night, Grizzly #2 texted me goodnight and asked if he could meet up again. I said okay, because I felt bad for two reasons: first, that I may have made him feel bad by being late on the date, and second, that he seemed to be falling for me, and yet was oblivious to how he smelled. I began to rationalize―maybe I made him nervous, so I don’t want to dismiss him so early. Plus he was great to talk to. Maybe the attraction can come later.

I went on a second date with Grizzly #2 and he was just as smelly as before. And he was more obnoxiously opinionated than I remember him being before. I told him on the date that I just wanted to be friends, though that was a lie.

Normally, at the end of my articles on my dates, I add a section on lessons that I’ve learned from the dating process. But, I’m not sure what the lesson was from these dates. Was there a way that I could have discerned from my screening phone calls that my online dates lacked basic hygiene habits? Perhaps one of major the downfalls of online dating is that you do not have any contextual background information on the people that you are meeting online. If I had worked or volunteered with the two Grizzlies, I might have known that they do not care about their hygiene, but since we met online, I would have only learned about them after we met in person.

What are your online dating tactics? How would you handle a date with one of the Grizzlies? Like what you see here? Subscribe for the latest from Ladies Again.

 

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One Date A Week: Bored and Fidgety

One Date a Week

Last year, I swallowed the Red Pill and decided to do all that I could to become a much more feminine and attractive woman. As part of my commitment to reinvent myself, I swore that I would make dating a bigger priority in my life. These are my Red Pill Dating Diaries.

I met a guy on OkCupid, a few weeks after I moved to San Francisco. He was a Ginger guy in his mid-twenties with average build and height. I was impressed that he earned both his bachelors and master’s degrees in software engineering from U.C. Berkeley, a prestigious school in Northern California. We chatted via text or some time before he asked me out to meet up. We met up at a bar for drinks. I now know, after months of dating, that meeting up for drinks is a bad first date idea.

Movie theater. Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr.
Movie theater. Photo by Thomas Hawk via Flickr.

What was remarkable about this date was how little we spoke to one another. We didn’t talk much before meeting up, maybe six or seven chats in the OkCupid app, then five to six text messages to go over logistics about meeting up in person. Once we met up, we talked in a bar for maybe 20 minutes before I mentioned that I really wanted to see a new action movie. We headed over to the movie theaters down the street to see the film. While we walked to the theater, he joked, “We could also watch the movie over my house if you want.” I exclaimed “Absolutely not!” We both laughed, but I think we both knew what we were actually discussing beneath the humor. He implicitly asked me to go to his house to have sex with him, and I thought the idea of doing that was ridiculous. I laughed it off, but I knew this date was not going to anywhere. I’m pretty confident he felt the same.

We went to see the action movie in an frigid and empty movie theater downtown. He made it painfully obvious that he didn’t care for the film because he fidgeted and squirmed throughout the entire movie. His sighs went from passive puffs of air to full-bodied vocal exhalations. Once the movie ended, it was clear he wanted nothing to do but to leave the theater. I thought it was a great movie. We split an Uber back to our respective homes. In the car, I thanked him for a great night. I never spoke to him again.

I learned a few things from this date. First, do not meet up blindly with people that you think are cute on an online dating website. Do you two have anything in common? Going on an online date is almost the same as picking a name randomly out of the Yellow Pages—you have no idea what you’re going to get. Spend some time chatting with them to get a sense of why they are interested in dating. Second, take the time to call your dates before you meet up with them to get a feel for whether you enjoy conversing with them.

Have you ever had a boring date? How did you get out of it? Tell your story below!

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One Date A Week: Too Fast for Sex?

Photo by David Yu via Flickr
Photo by David Yu via Flickr

Last year, I swallowed the Red Pill and decided to do all that I could to become a much more feminine and attractive woman. As part of my commitment to reinvent myself, I swore that I would make dating a bigger priority in my life. These are my Red Pill Dating Diaries.

A cute guy reached out to me one day via the dating app POF, Plenty of Fish. We chatted for some time and decided to meet at a bar near his house for drinks. This was maybe my third online date, so I wasn’t well-versed yet in dating to know that it is a bad idea to meet a date at a bar. If a man suggests meeting at a bar for drinks, he usually wants the date to lead to sex as quickly as possible. [Here’s another fact: If a man or woman suggests meeting for coffee for a first date, they have completely lost all hope for romance and spontaneity. Their own personal expectations for love is at the lowest level it will ever be.]

So we met at a bar, and I was surprised at how short he was in real life. He was a Russian software developer who worked for a global consumer business. I like Russian men, so I wanted to get to know him. We ordered drinks, but I barely touched my drink since I despise the taste of alcohol. Also, I do not want to get murdered or raped, so I always refrain from drinking around strangers. Because of limited seating space, we sat shoulder to shoulder, and I think this lead to us both feeling this faux-feeling of closeness. We laughed and joked for three hours, then made plans at the end of the night to see each other again.

We went on a second date that involved sightseeing around the city. At the end of the night, he mentioned that he left something at his home. We went back to his house to retrieve his item, and he instantly tried to kiss me. Then he tried to take off my clothes. I pushed back and explained that we were moving too fast, and I was uncomfortable being at his place on the second date. We left his house immediately after that, but I could tell that he was slightly annoyed with me.

We went on a few more dinner dates over the next few weeks, but he continued to probe me about sleeping with him. Time and time again, our conversations kept comping back to the fact that I was too “restrictive” or “rigid” about my sexual expectations. At first, I thought he was just being a man, and trying to push for sex. But then I realized that he was visibly annoyed that I would not sleep with him within the first month of dating him.

Then he disappeared suddenly for two weeks. After that period, he later texted me to tell me he was not interested in dating me any longer. In those two weeks of silence, I had time to think about the conversations that I had with him and reread through our text messages. It became painfully obvious that he was only looking for sex from the beginning, but was begrudgingly going along with my desire to wait for sex. It was a great thing that he disappeared from the planet, because I had no choice but to realize that he was not really into dating me.

I learned a few things from this experience. First, it is never a great idea to tell a man directly how long you will wait to have sex with them. Do not give out time estimates or parameters about when you will specifically have sex. For example, never say that you have a “Three Month Rule.” Instead, it is better to say that you like them, but that you need more time before you feel ready to have sex. Just say that you need a little more time to get to know them.

Second, I learned that people have different expectations for sex, and it’s okay to walk away from the the dating relationship once you realize that you’re not going to meet another person’s sex expectations. If a man expects to have sex with a woman on the second or third date, then he is not going to wait patiently two or three months to have sex with a woman. Similarly, a woman who wants to wait three months to have sex with a man is probably not going to have the same moral values as a person who has sex with others on the first date. As Red Pill Women, we have to stay strong in our convictions about abstaining from casual, meaningless sex. We will not be frivolous with our bodies or our health.

By the end of the experience, I realized that we were just on two separate pages. And I was glad that I did not get too attached to a man who was capable of disappearing on me for a full two weeks.

Have you ever struggled to tell a man NO to having sex? Tell your story below!

 

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