One Date A Week: Too Fast for Sex?

Photo by David Yu via Flickr
Photo by David Yu via Flickr

Last year, I swallowed the Red Pill and decided to do all that I could to become a much more feminine and attractive woman. As part of my commitment to reinvent myself, I swore that I would make dating a bigger priority in my life. These are my Red Pill Dating Diaries.

A cute guy reached out to me one day via the dating app POF, Plenty of Fish. We chatted for some time and decided to meet at a bar near his house for drinks. This was maybe my third online date, so I wasn’t well-versed yet in dating to know that it is a bad idea to meet a date at a bar. If a man suggests meeting at a bar for drinks, he usually wants the date to lead to sex as quickly as possible. [Here’s another fact: If a man or woman suggests meeting for coffee for a first date, they have completely lost all hope for romance and spontaneity. Their own personal expectations for love is at the lowest level it will ever be.]

So we met at a bar, and I was surprised at how short he was in real life. He was a Russian software developer who worked for a global consumer business. I like Russian men, so I wanted to get to know him. We ordered drinks, but I barely touched my drink since I despise the taste of alcohol. Also, I do not want to get murdered or raped, so I always refrain from drinking around strangers. Because of limited seating space, we sat shoulder to shoulder, and I think this lead to us both feeling this faux-feeling of closeness. We laughed and joked for three hours, then made plans at the end of the night to see each other again.

We went on a second date that involved sightseeing around the city. At the end of the night, he mentioned that he left something at his home. We went back to his house to retrieve his item, and he instantly tried to kiss me. Then he tried to take off my clothes. I pushed back and explained that we were moving too fast, and I was uncomfortable being at his place on the second date. We left his house immediately after that, but I could tell that he was slightly annoyed with me.

We went on a few more dinner dates over the next few weeks, but he continued to probe me about sleeping with him. Time and time again, our conversations kept comping back to the fact that I was too “restrictive” or “rigid” about my sexual expectations. At first, I thought he was just being a man, and trying to push for sex. But then I realized that he was visibly annoyed that I would not sleep with him within the first month of dating him.

Then he disappeared suddenly for two weeks. After that period, he later texted me to tell me he was not interested in dating me any longer. In those two weeks of silence, I had time to think about the conversations that I had with him and reread through our text messages. It became painfully obvious that he was only looking for sex from the beginning, but was begrudgingly going along with my desire to wait for sex. It was a great thing that he disappeared from the planet, because I had no choice but to realize that he was not really into dating me.

I learned a few things from this experience. First, it is never a great idea to tell a man directly how long you will wait to have sex with them. Do not give out time estimates or parameters about when you will specifically have sex. For example, never say that you have a “Three Month Rule.” Instead, it is better to say that you like them, but that you need more time before you feel ready to have sex. Just say that you need a little more time to get to know them.

Second, I learned that people have different expectations for sex, and it’s okay to walk away from the the dating relationship once you realize that you’re not going to meet another person’s sex expectations. If a man expects to have sex with a woman on the second or third date, then he is not going to wait patiently two or three months to have sex with a woman. Similarly, a woman who wants to wait three months to have sex with a man is probably not going to have the same moral values as a person who has sex with others on the first date. As Red Pill Women, we have to stay strong in our convictions about abstaining from casual, meaningless sex. We will not be frivolous with our bodies or our health.

By the end of the experience, I realized that we were just on two separate pages. And I was glad that I did not get too attached to a man who was capable of disappearing on me for a full two weeks.

Have you ever struggled to tell a man NO to having sex? Tell your story below!

 

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