Cosmo Magazine: Feminine or Not?

Kim Kardashian cropped.
Nicki Minaj covers Cosmopolitan magazine.
Sex is mentioned on nearly every issue of Cosmo.

Cosmopolitan magazine is not, in fact, a feminine magazine. The sad thing about this magazine is that it is so far from what its title describes, that it is disgusting. Many of the young, impressionable readers of this magazine are unaware of the actual definition of the word “cosmopolitan,” which is actually synonymous with words like “cultured,” “sophisticated,” “suave,” “urbane” and “glamorous.”

However, today’s question is not about whether or not Cosmo magazine is falsely advertising itself, but whether or not it is a feminine magazine.

Why are we asking this question?

Well, Ladies Again, is a place where we discuss femininity as it relates to women’s issues of the day. Unfortunately, many women today who are looking for womanly advice, turn to things like Cosmo to give them guidance about their issues. In fact, reveals that Cosmo magazine recently ranked as the number two top selling women’s lifestyle magazine in the UK (second only to Glamour), beating out magazines such as Women & Home and Good Housekeeping.

graphic display of top selling women's magazine shows Cosmopolitan as number two
top selling women’s magazines by statical rank from

Cosmo‘s own press kit reveals that it’s largest demographic is young women aged 18-24. It is number one among college women, distributed in over 100 countries and most of it’s readers are single, employed, college graduates.

image of graphical representation of cosmopolitan magazine demographic data
Cosmo’s press kit reveals it’s ability to influence young minds

If where we spend our money is truly an indication of our priorities, I believe the state of modern womanhood is in grave danger as a result of the relentless propaganda of filth being promoted as advice to modern women. On its website, Cosmo’s tag line states that it is: “The Women’s Magazine for Fashion, Sex Advice, Dating Tips and Celebrity News.”

This tells us two things worth mentioning here.

#1. It is marketed to women as  a women’s magazine, and

#2. It offers sex tips and dating advice as an authority to women.

There is even a Cosmo Girl magazine which is marketed towards teenage girls. Which gives Cosmo a firmer hold on the female education market, grooming women from a young age to enjoy reading what I generously refer to as smut.

Now, even though the magazine does not make any upfront claims that the advice it gives will get you married or engender you as a feminine creature in anyone’s eyes, but it does seem to be promoted as some form of authority on sex and dating. With this combination of it’s popularity and platform to condition women from a young age, we must ask ourselves, is what it is teaching us really worthy of our devotion?

Is Cosmo’s Sex and Dating Advice Feminine?

First of all, let me start by defining what I mean by feminine.

The dictionary defines feminine as delicate, pretty, ladylike. I, personally, believe these are subjective terms and do not really tell very much to a person interested in understanding femininity. So, I referred to Wikipedia and came up with words like gentleness, empathy and sensitivity. I agree more with those terms. I think that gentleness, empathy and sensitivity comes from the female biological quality of giving birth. We produce children whom we become bonded to emotionally. Our instinct to seek the well-being of others is probably why we are okay with selflessly allowing another human being to share our body with us for nine months. I believe when women lose these qualities, there is a relational imbalance on some level in their lives that is observable to others, even if they do not know her well.

I believe a lot of women these days are very confused as to what feminine actually is, because of media sources like Cosmo magazine. They see pictures of women smiling in articles about having one night stands and forget that the feminine instinct is not to bind oneself meaninglessly to another human being and then discard them. Women become indoctrinated into the Sex and the City mentality these magazine purport and lose sight of the long term emotional and physical consequences of being frivolous with one’s body, mind and soul.

But what am I really talking about? Well, let me give you a few examples.

The following are actual articles from Cosmo‘s website:

  • “Why more couples are having kids before they get married”: This article was actually encouraging women to try to put the baby before the ring. Unfortunately, it’s logic was full of holes and unrealistic; but most of all it definitely goes against the feminine instinct to nurture. What sense does it make for women to aspire to bring children into an unstable environment? Furthermore, is it just me, or would being a single mother make dating that much harder?!
  • “A complete beginners guide to the messy blow job”: This article gives seven tips for women to give something called the “messy blow job.” I don’t need to tell you that this is an unladylike article, in fact, I’ll just let Tip #2. do the talking for me:  “Spit as much as you can and drink a bunch of water if you need to.” Uh…no!
  • How about these two articles: “10 Reasons why your one-night stand was actually a good thing” and “Casual sex can be good for you.” And before you go running to check out the articles, let me just give you two of their reasons why one-night stands can have a positive impact on your life. #1. “You go laaaaaid…” I kid you not. That is an actual reason given by an authority on dating for women as to why a woman should comfortably resort to promiscuity. Then there is #2. “You don’t have to wonder what you two are to each other.” Are these supposed to be perks for women, or sociopaths?!

So, at the end of the day, I don’t think I need to, but still I will reiterate that my assessment is that Cosmo magazine is in fact NOT FEMININE!

It reads like a pervy frat bro magazine written with the male pronouns swapped out for female pronouns.  I am convinced that any woman who still reads that magazine for relationship advice needs a wise older woman who has been happily married for 20 years or more…to slap her upside her head and knock some sense into her!

Do you read Cosmopolitan Magazine? Why or why not?

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Selling out vs selling it: Why makeovers are not evil!

I remember when I got my first weave.

I was in college and I had been regularly wearing my hair in braids, because it was just easier to manage. My hair was natural, African hair (i.e. no relaxer) and I had not quite learned to style it up until that point. I don’t know why I decided to get a weave, but I remember feeling like everyone would know it was a weave and people would make fun of me, or worse, think I was trying to be cute!

Yes, that was a real fear of mine. Looking back, I think that fear came from a deep-seated belief that I just was not cute and if I tried to dress up like I was trying to be, people would expose me for the imposter I was.

Strangely enough, nobody said anything. However, somewhere inside, I was constantly feeling some sense of guilt that I was being complimented for something that really wasn’t reflective of who I considered myself to be.

Now-a-days, I wear weaves on-and-off. Mostly I wear weaves for special occasions like weddings, etc. There definitely is a difference in the way people treat you when you are all “dolled up”. People look at you longer. People listen more. Whether you like it or not, appearance matters!

We talk a lot about transformations here on Ladies Again. We are constantly trying to encourage our readers to give up the baggy jeans and tennis shoes and invest in make up and push up bras! However, we understand why this can be difficult for many women. Some women feel like putting on make up and spending time on their hair is being fake or selling out.

People feel this way for a lot of reasons. For me, it was because I spent so much of my childhood as the wallflower who secretly envied the pretty girls yet was surrounded by negative friends (read: feminists in the making) who were constantly talking smack about those girls. They would say things like:

  • Those girls are stuck up
  • Those girls are not that smart
  • Those girls are mean
  • Those girls don’t make good girlfriends/wives

Yet as time went on, I met and became friends with many beautiful women who were kind, generous, devoted, and loyal wives, sisters, friends and girlfriends. On top of that, many of my male friends who were constantly talking smack about the pretty girls to me, secretly had crushes on many of these girls.

Eventually, I had to get over the lies that I had been fed all those years that those girls were somehow a different caliber of people. Ultimately, I had to get rid of this whole idea that somehow wearing makeup, nice clothes and a cute hairstyle does something to your insides as well.

I mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to talk about how to be universally appealing without selling out. That’s what I hope to do here.

My biggest fear

I’m a Christian, and a very strong one at that. I believe in Jesus, forgiveness and heaven. I believe that the world is full of corruption and a relationship with God is our only hope for salvation. Unfortunately, somehow, in the lessons I learned about being a good Christian, somewhere along the lines I consumed a message that said that “pretty girls like to sin”. It was probably jealous friends who hung out with the frumpy crowd (of which I was among at the time). The fact of the matter is that everyone sins, the Bible even says so; and some of those girls who were hating on the pretty girls were also exploring their fleshly desires in secret corners with horny guys as well.

I would like to express that after all those years hiding my beauty and standing back while the pretty girls got to pick which guy they wanted, I eventually began spending time with some of these beautiful ladies. After getting to know them, I found that many of them were just like me, and that the only difference between pretty girls and ugly girls is the time they spend on their appearance.

Putting it in plainer terms: pretty girls have the same insecurities and feel the same pain that everyone else does. The only difference is that they look really good while they’re experiencing it.

Selling it versus selling out

The issue of selling out who you are to get a date or to fit in with a group of people is a legitimate issue, though. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it isn’t. There are cliques that will literally try to haze you before accepting you as one of them (and acceptance may still not be guaranteed after that).

I want to get one thing straight. This point I’m about to make is so important that I’m going to leave it at that, because if you don’t understand anything else in this article, try your best to understand this. Here it is: repackaging yourself is just so that you can get people to look and you do not have to completely change who you are (eg. values, morals, etc.)

Once you have mastered this, and guys are going out of their way to talk to you, you will be in a better position to get the guy of your dreams, because you’ll have many more guys to choose from!

Want to continue the conversation? Leave a message in the comment box below!

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Cat calls are awesome! When did compliments become offensive?!

Stop it, feminists. You’re upsetting Kevin Hart!

So, word around town is that feminist extremists (who ruin everything about femininity) also want to kill compliments too! Their new agenda is to wipe any memory of the fact that women were once uniquely beautiful in their own special way off the map!

A bunch of them got together and whipped up this stupid ass public service announcement on behalf of ugly women everywhere! Newsflash, butterfaces, I know compliments are not something you’re used to, but get over yourself, OK! Nobody agrees with you!

Compliments are awesome no matter where they’re coming from.

I know it’s not often that these Vampirish women get complimented, but let me offer you a clue: if a man decides to let you know that you look nice, say “thank you”, smile and/or just keep moving. If he didn’t touch you, it’s not harassment!

Furthermore, if you’re afraid to leave your house, carry pepper spray and the number to a psychiatric clinic. It’s just like the femi-nazis to try to convince women everywhere that they’re in constant danger by the bogeymen waiting around the corner!

Oh, and guess what! If you’re wearing booty shorts, men are going to look at your ass! Period. The end. We definitely did not need your hidden camera to reveal that when women reveal their bodies, MEN LOOK!

Seriously?! Nakedness is for sex. Are we really trying to police people’s brains now? If you don’t want men fantasizing about your body, PUT CLOTHES ON!

But, honestly, they’re going to look either way. And they’re going to compliment you. So, here’s another little tip, LEARN SOME FUCKING SOCIAL SKILLS so you know how to fucking handle HUMAN INTERACTIONS!

Not all men want to rape you, my friends. They really don’t. And here’s the trick, sweety, THEY WON’T DO IT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!

In all sincerity, though. Ladies, just practice general safety if you want to be safe.

  • Don’t follow strangers to strange places.tumblr_lvpausW5sE1qaydnc
  • Don’t get piss drunk or high, especially not alone
  • Don’t walk around in strange neighborhoods alone by yourself

I know some of this sounds harsh, but I want these crackpots to understand how serious the accusations they are making are. Before you know it, somebody will listen to these women and people’s sons and brothers will be in jail or fined for…doing what? Giving compliments?!

MANOSPHERE blogs are right once again when it comes to this issue (see video below)!

Even though I’m a woman, I agree very much with the above video. Especially how he points out that the woman walked down the street and DOZENS of men and women walked passed her and only ONE man mildly slowed down to glance in her direction. That is not harassment, friends. That’s flirting.

(Disclaimer: Although, I’m not a fan of how the guy in the second video seems to feel about lower income communities, he makes an excellent point about how ludicrous these femi-nazis are)

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What Stefan Urquelle taught me about becoming a “lady again”

When I was a kid, I loved Family Matters. The show that starred the lovable and brilliant, Steve Urkel was a hit in the mid-’90s. At the time, it was just entertaining nonsense to me, but now as an adult, I see the genius behind the show.

Steve was a great guy, in his own right. He was funny (in my opinion), loyal, smart and friendly. However, the one woman that he was totally devoted to (the beautiful Laura Winslow) was not reciprocating his romantic advances.

So, what does he do?

He does the smartest thing that anyone can do, and the one thing that most people refuse to do, he becomes the guy that everyone wants to be with. Most people don’t want to make a transformation of any kind, because they feel like it is “selling out” in some way or not being themselves. I want to distinguish between that idea and what Steve did by turning into Stefan Urquelle (his swag-tastic alter ego).

What I believe Steve was doing by transforming into Stefan is what many people in the marketing world do called “rebranding your image.” This does not mean that you are a different person, it only means that you are taking what you’re already offering and repackaging it into something that more people will be willing to try.

The fact of the matter is that if your goal is to get married (for example) and they way you look or behave makes the people you are attracted to not want to even talk to you, then what makes you think they will ever even try to get to know you.

A lot of us lie to ourselves and say that “well, if they don’t want to talk to me because of what I look like, then they don’t like me for who I am and I don’t want to be with them anyway.”

While this is true sometimes, it’s not always true.

cloudsA lot of times, what people really need is for you to be repackaged into something that they are willing to listen to. It’s like Mary Poppins says “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!” What she’s saying is what all women interested in become “ladies again” need to embrace, which is that nobody is going to listen to you if they can’t even look at you.

I hope I can talk more in the future about how to be universally appealing without losing your identity, but for now, I’ll leave you with this message about repackaging the outside so that people will be willing to look inside!

What changes do you think you need to make to become a “Lady Again”? We’d love to hear from you, and we’d love to help! Just leave us a comment.

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The Hidden Feminist Agenda of Disney Princesses

2013disneyprincessSoft, musical voices, long flowing hair and dreams that “someday (their) prince will come” sounds like the farthest thing from a feminist agenda that one could imagine.

In fact, some of the looniest of the feminist blogs decry the “helpless” nature of the female stars of most Disney movies.

However, I see things differently. There is a particular staunchly feminist message in every one of the Disney movies and whether you see this message as a positive one or a negative one, it’s presence is undeniable.


Many feminists (who most likely grew up watching these movies) don’t recognize that it was this ubiquitous message that ignited their passion for female “liberation” in the first place.

This hidden yet ever-present message is simply this: that “being content in your own skin is not enough, because true happiness comes from outside of yourself”.

Wait, what?! You ask. How do they say this, and even if they do, what’s wrong with that? And further more, how is this a feminist message?

Slow down, Speedy Gonzales! One question at a time.

First off: How do they say this?

The Little Mermaid – A young girl (mermaid) is discontent with life in her father’s wealthy palace where she gets waited on and doted upon by a loving, king father and all of his servants; so she chases a fantasy of what life would be like if only she could be completely transformed even to the point of risking a potentially fatal procedure to live outside of her biological predestination.

Mulan – Shaves off all of her hair and pretends to be a man. Need I say more?

Beauty and the Beast – Belle lives a peaceful and fulfilling life in a quiet village where she spends most of her time reading books and complaining of boredom (even as she walks through the beautiful town full of friendly townspeople who all know her by name and happily greet her).

Snow White – Cohabitation with multiple strange men sans wedlock (because that’s not dangerous for a single, estranged woman to do at all, right?!)

Cinderella – Sneaking out at night for a date…

Pocahontas – A woman chasing the right to “choose” ends up confused about her vocation and reconciled to singlehood.

Ok, so What’s wrong with that?

Essentially, what I’m trying to help you realize through this article is that these movies are (intentionally or not) painting a picture that to be a woman, no matter how comfortable the circumstances, somehow means to be in a state of “oppression” and/or “repression” and as a result women should be seeking liberation.

Think about what exactly such a message does in the mind a young suburban teen who has been watching Cinderella all throughout her youth and reaches high school age where she is asked to do chores around the house when she sees her classmates going to house parties to tempt college men to commit felony misdemeanors. It will be pretty difficult to convince such a girl that her life at home with her parents, uplifting and benefiting her immediate community is of as significant importance as time spent exercising her “freedom”.

Or consider, the young college-aged child of immigrant parents who grew up innocently watching the Little Mermaid just like all the other Americans. All of a sudden, when it’s time to make decisions about her future, all the messages she grew up with seem wrong, because most adults only want to oppress young women and a woman is supposed to pursue a life outside of what she knows.

So, you ask “what’s wrong with that”… There is so much wrong with that it deserves it’s own book. Raising a young person to believe that what they know and all that they are is somehow inadequate or incomplete sets them on an endless and fruitless course of seeking a poorly defined (if defined at all) ideal of what she should aspire to be (and aspire for all of her kind). And perhaps this is the goal of some, to break others of any sense of internally-based validation so as to make them susceptible to any and all messages about who and what can provide a sense of self worth. And therein lies the problem.

How is this a Feminist message

Lilac and I have agreed that the term “feminist” is an inadequate word to use in describing the pedagogical dictators who believe that they have some kind of all-encompassing wisdom about the needs and desires at the heart of every female’s core and only they have the solution to this terribly debilitating need that results from an inherent sense of lack that all women everywhere feel that results from nothing more than being a woman. Further more, the term “feminist” is weighted with emotional and experiential implications that vary as widely as the people who hear or read that word. However, for lack of a more adequate term, we will be using this one to refer to the aforementioned “dictators”.

To the “feminists” of the type described above, to be a woman is to be oppressed no matter how happy you “think” you are. [Irony alert: Isn’t “happiness” a state of mind? So, how can you be confused about how you feel? Apparently these guys have telepathic abilities so strong that they not only know what you’re thinking and feeling, but also know what you didn’t know you were thinking and feeling!] These same omniscient beings believe that men are somehow hoarding all the happy-producing experiences for themselves. So, women should go find where men are keeping these happiness givers and collect their share.

girl proposalThis brand of “feminists” mask this ideology by pushing ideas like “freedom” and “equality” as things women are being deprived of and should be chasing after. Somehow, this freedom women should be seeking means running away from your current status as though out of a burning building only the building is in tact and your future would have been promising if you had only stayed put and recognized your blessings. This “equality” they urge us to fight for is to become like men, even when that means giving up what intrinsically makes you a woman. Don’t get married or have children, or at least not until you have proven to the men in your life that you are better than them! Yes, deflate their ego by emasculating them and while you’re at it, propose marriage to one of them too! (cuz they sure won’t be offering you any rings, Xena Warrior Princess!)


So, let’s summarize…

  1. The Disney Princesses come from a culture so obsessed with chasing “freedom” that it doesn’t recognize that it’s not in chains (or at least the chains are not of the kind from which they are seeking to be freed).
  2. Modern feminist extremists are pushing a type of freedom that urges women to do something (anything) other than what they are currently doing, even if what they are currently doing is perfectly fine and healthy and even if the other thing is engaging in dangerous behavior. In fact, the more dangerous the behavior the more worthwhile it is to engage in. Whether it is pursuing a relationship with a  likely violent beast or engaging in risky sexual encounters with multiple partners, the risk doesn’t matter as long as you’re not “bored”!

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